The Meaning Of Family
by suej
Summary: An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff. New chapters posted!
1. Another Day, Another Briefing

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 1: Another Day, Another Briefing… **

Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff.

Rating – K+

It was 0800 on Voyager, time for the regularly scheduled senior staff meeting, or at least the meeting that was supposed to occur regularly. Frequent away missions, alien attacks, and any number of the other events one experienced in the middle of nowhere sometimes got in the way. Right now at least, they were traveling through what seemed to be a fairly quiet area of space.

Harry Kim and Tom Paris had spent the evening before looking for a new holodeck program to occupy some of their free time. They had been up late in the holodeck previewing some they had discovered in the computer archives and they were still animatedly discussing them when they entered the briefing room. B'Elanna Torres walked in shortly after them shaking her head at their behavior. They were acting just like over-exuberant ten-year-olds with a new toy.

"Will you two ever grow up?" Walking quickly past Harry, she took the seat between them. "I'd better separate you this morning or you'll probably get yourselves in trouble."

Tom displayed a wicked grin, "You know B'Elanna, you can be a real pain in the..."

Luckily Tom stopped himself as Commander Tuvok entered the briefing room.

B'Elanna leaned close to Tom and whispered to him, "You'll pay for that later Helmboy," she said, taking advantage of the less than flattering nickname he had acquired some time ago during a visit by the Q.

"Promises, promises," Tom said quietly to her with a wink.

Tuvok took a seat on the opposite side of the table from the rest of them and decided to inquire into what he had overheard of Tom's comment. "Did you have something to share Ensign?"

Momentarily startled, Tom replied, "Ah... no... just discussing something with Lieutenant Torres."

"Very well," said Tuvok in his usual stoic manner knowing full well he had interrupted a private conversation, and in his own way, Tuvok rather enjoyed watching Tom Paris squirm a little.

Neelix and Seven were the next to enter. They had apparently just come from the mess hall and seemed to be discussing one of Neelix's current culinary creations.

"Seven, I told you, it's called Farek Egg Pate, made from only the finest ingredients," Neelix said, clearly agitated.

"It was offensive," replied Seven.

"Well," Neelix exclaimed in a tone of utter amazement. Even after all this time with these people, he could not understand how anyone could find his cooking anything other than spectacular, "several other members of the crew seemed to enjoy it."

He and Seven took seats at the table and Seven continued. "As I recall there was only one other member of the crew present in the mess hall at the time. Apparently the smell had driven several others away. And I would not consider Crewman Chelle's opinion to be an appropriate measure for the rest of the crew. Bolian's are known for their somewhat less than discriminating taste buds. To put it kindly, they'll consume almost anything."

Tom, B'Elanna and Harry could barely contain their laughter, and they could have sworn that even Tuvok was slightly amused as he had raised his right eyebrow high on his forehead.

Everyone was so preoccupied with Neelix and Seven that they hardly noticed when Chakotay entered the room. He passed all of them to assume his customary seat near the head of the table and decided that he should break up the bickering before the captain arrived. "Is there a problem?"

"No problem Commander, it's just that Seven doesn't appreciate my culinary abilities," said Neelix in a huff.

Chakotay tried to suppress his chuckle. As the crewmember in charge of the mess hall, Neelix really did try, and his cooking had gotten better over time, but every once in a while he still managed to come up with something that the crew simply could not stomach, well most of the crew anyway. As Seven so aptly pointed out, Chelle didn't really count. "Maybe we should temporarily discontinue the debate until after our meeting, alright?"

Neelix simply grunted in response and looked at his hands.

The doctor was the last of the staff to arrive and following closely on his heels was the captain. "Good morning everyone," she said as she and the doctor took their respective seats. She was answered by greetings from the others gathered around the table. As she sat, she noticed that several of her officers were trying very hard to suppress their amusement of something. Smothered grins were quite evident on almost every face. She leaned to her right, raised her eyebrows, and said quietly, "Commander Chakotay, have I missed something?"

The man actually winked at her where no one else could notice and then replied in an equally soft voice, "Nothing important Captain, just a little difference of opinion over breakfast."

She knew he would fill her in later, and she was sure it would be worth the wait so for the moment she took Chakotay's subtle hint that she should drop that particular subject and continued. "Let's get started shall we. As you all know, we are again in need of replenishing our food supplies. B'Elanna has also informed me that our reserve supply of dilithium is becoming critical. Harry, Seven, what have you come up with in Astrometrics?"

Harry spoke first. "Captain, we are entering a system containing several habitable planets. There is one planet that shows signs of a warp capable civilization and significant agricultural development. It would seem to be the best bet to restock our food supplies as none of the other planets in the system show signs of abundant plant or animal life."

"Any possible sources of dilithium?" asked the Captain.

"Not in this system. However, long-range scans of a planet in the neighboring system look promising."

"So, it looks like at least one new first contact situation. When we get home, Starfleet may very well have to come up with a new commendation for diplomacy just for us," Janeway said with a smile.

"Yeah, they can nickname it the 'The Janeway Award for Frequent and Meaningful Alien Encounters', or better yet, 'The Alien of the Week Award'," replied Tom.

Janeway looked at him trying hard to suppress her amusement. "Keep it up Ensign," she said, emphasizing his rank, "and I'll make you sit through all those boring negotiation sessions we're bound to be doing shortly. I'm sure the commander and I would be happy to take a break from the usual routine." Tom Paris could be the most annoying, pain in the neck jokester on the ship, and he could use an infusion of better judgment from time to time, but Janeway wouldn't trade him for the world.

"Oh no, not me," said Tom, "you both handle negotiations like this so well. Far be it from me to break up the team. Besides, I'd likely negotiate us into nothing but a stock pile of Leola Root and Blood Worms."

Everyone chuckled, with the exception of Tuvok, of course, and Neelix, who never would understand everyone's complaints about Leola Root.

"Good point Mister Paris, I'll keep that in mind." Janeway appreciated the fact that they could enjoy an occasional joke in these briefings. Sometimes the mood here was, out of necessity, extremely serious. She much preferred things this way, but she had to be a bit careful, if you let him, Tom could take things way too far, time to bring them all back to the business at hand. "Well, it seems we have two planets that can supply us with the items on our shopping list. Anything you can add Seven?"

Seven gave her report in her usual matter of fact manner. "Our present course will take us in close proximity to the inhabited planet. The other planet is on the opposite side of the next system and there is an extensive asteroid field between the two."

'Why is it that nothing is ever easy in the Delta Quadrant?' Janeway thought to herself. For the most part, their experience here had been one trial after another and they were far from their trip being over. Although this hurdle wasn't a large one, it was another in a long line of inconveniences that seemed to plague them at every turn. "So our choices would be to go around the asteroid field or through it. Can you estimate how long it would take to make the trip?"

"I believe it would take approximately three days to traverse the distance by going around. I am unable to estimate the time required traveling by the more direct route through the asteroid field at this time. While there is a possibility that a faster route could be found, it is difficult to determine that from this distance. It is highly dependent on the fluidity and overall density of the field, and the relative size of the asteroids in any given area. The data available is inconclusive."

Harry shifted in his seat and decided it was his turn to add something to the discussion. "Captain, this field appears to be one of the largest we've encountered since arriving in the Delta Quadrant, I'm not sure we would save much time if we attempted the direct route even if we had better data, not to mention how dangerous it could be."

"Thank you Harry. I appreciate the warning, and I'm well aware of the potential hazards of flying headlong into an asteroid field. At any rate, it looks as though that decision can wait. Given our proximity to the first planet, it appears we deal with food supplies first, mining later. Tom set a course for our first destination, best possible speed. Chakotay, I'd like to meet with you in my ready room at your earliest convenience. We can make some advance preparations for our first meeting with 'the aliens of the week'," she said, tilting her head and looking briefly at her conn officer. "Tuvok, see if you can evaluate whether or not the inhabitants of this planet are hostile in any way, I'd hate to set them off right from our opening hail. Seven, continue your scans from Astrometrics, the more information we have going in, the better off we'll be. Alright, that's it then, thank you people, dismissed."

The captain had quickly and efficiently given them their marching orders and everyone filed out of the briefing room and off to the tasks they had been assigned, and within only a few minutes of the end of the meeting, Tom had them headed toward their new destination and a new chapter in their excursion through the Delta Quadrant.

TBC


	2. Off to a Good Start?

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 2: Off to a Good Start?**

Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff.

Rating – K+

Voyager was now in close proximity to their first destination. Through the view screen they were awed to see a planet that remarkably resembled earth. Clearly visible were deep blue oceans, a variety of shades of brown and green representing continents, and the white swirls of cloud formations.

"It's beautiful," said Harry from his position at the operations station.

"Indeed it is," replied Janeway with an almost imperceptible sigh.

Tuvok had submitted a report to her earlier in the day stating that he found no indication that this race was a threat, or that they would immediately consider Voyager to be one. As they ventured closer to the planet, a beeping sound from Tuvok's console attracted his attention, "Captain, there are three ships approaching us at high warp. At this time they have not raised shields or powered weapons."

"Thank you Tuvok," said Janeway.

Harry announced, "Captain, we're being hailed."

Looking at Harry she ordered, "On screen Mister Kim." Then, just as she had done so many times before, she turned toward the view screen and began her standard greeting, "I am Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Star..."

The alien staring back at her immediately cut her off. He moved his face very close to the screen and exclaimed loudly, "A female! They are commanded by a female!" rapidly followed by, "How inappropriate!" as the translator interpreted a last comment.

Janeway's immediate thought was, "My God, the Delta Quadrant version of the Ferengi." She choked down her shock at his initial statement and said, "Well, yes. As a matter of fact I am. Is that a problem?"

"This is highly unusual, a female commander. Simply not done, not done!" exclaimed the alien captain.

Janeway's hand instinctively reached up and began to massage her forehead. She acutely felt headache number one for today beginning. She somehow knew she would be experiencing several more.

The rest of the bridge crew was actually fairly amused by all of this. But if they valued their lives, they wouldn't let the captain hear or see any indication of it.

Knowing instantly that discretion was usually the better part of valor when it came to gender diversity in the Delta Quadrant, Captain Janeway turned slightly to her left. As was his custom, Chakotay was standing only inches behind her just in case he was needed and to show support for his captain. Attracting his attention she spoke softly, "Under the circumstances Commander, maybe you'd better take this one, humm?" She dropped her hand from her forehead and tilted her head at an angle to look up at him. She'd get even with him later for the twinkle in his eyes and the dimple clearly visible on one cheek.

"My pleasure Captain." He stepped slightly in front of her and began to address the aliens. "I am Commander Chakotay, first officer of this vessel. We would like to open trade negotiations with your people in order to re-supply our ship."

The alien spoke again, but this time with considerably less distress in his voice. "I am Kevis, commander of the Vellnorian Defense Force. Are you the one in charge?"

Chakotay could feel the hair on the back of his neck stand straight up as he imagined the look the captain must have on her face right about now. He looked briefly at the floor to hide his amusement and took a couple of seconds more to regain his composure. "I suppose in a way I am. Captain Janeway and I work together to run this ship." There, that wasn't bad, accurate but not offensive. He might just survive this day on both fronts.

"Very well then, we will communicate directly with you. You say you want to negotiate for supplies?" said Kevis.

Chakotay quickly tried to count in his mind how many times he and the captain had been through introductory conversations like this in the last several years. "Yes, we are travelers from another part of the galaxy and are on our way home. We need provisions to continue our journey."

Showing little to no emotion, now that he was speaking with a male member of this new species, the Vellnorian replied, "We will escort you to the docking port near our capital city. You will then need to discuss your request with our prime minister. I will contact him for you once we have arrived. Please follow us."

"Thank you, we'll look forward to hearing from you once we have docked." Chakotay turned and spoke to Harry. "Ensign, end transmission."

"Aye sir."

Everyone held his or her breath in anticipation of what would happen next. It wasn't often that Janeway had to defer her authority to someone else. And she wasn't usually very happy when she did. Under normal circumstances she would have to have been unconscious or seriously incapacitated in order to step aside. Her stubbornness was legendary.

Chakotay slowly turned and looked at his captain. She was standing with her hands on her hips with her gaze fixed on the star field filling the view screen where the alien had appeared only moments before. Finally, she spoke. "Now that was fun, wasn't it…" It was definitely a statement and not a question.

Actually, it had probably been fun for everyone but her and she knew it. She was somewhat surprised that her smart mouthed conn officer hadn't jumped all over it. But maybe he wasn't feeling lucky today. "Looks like you're in charge Commander. I'll be in my ready room hiding from our new friends. Wouldn't want to damage our reputation now would I?" She turned quickly and exited the bridge.

"Oh gods!" Chakotay thought. The Janeway sarcasm was in full swing. He knew it would probably be better to let her cool off a little before trying to discuss anything further.

Turning back to matters at hand, Chakotay got down to business. "Okay Tom, follow them into the docking port. We'll do as they say for now and see what happens."

"You got it sir. And by the way, good luck with the captain. She looked like she was ready to take on the Borg just now," Tom said.

Chakotay just smiled, returned to his chair, and sat down.

* * *

About half an hour later, they had successfully docked and were awaiting word from Kevis concerning a meeting with the prime minister. Chakotay had decided he'd leave the captain alone for a while until he had something more substantial to discuss with her. Besides, it would give her more time to adjust to the situation. At least he hoped so. 

A short time later, Harry made the announcement they had been waiting for. "Commander, we're being hailed again. It's Kevis."

Chakotay rose from his chair and stood in the center of the bridge. "Thanks Harry. Put him on screen."

"Commander Chakotay," said Kevis "Prime Minister Taellon has agreed to an audience with you. Meet me at the airlock along side the docking clamp in one hour."

"Thank you Kevis. If it is agreeable to you, I would like to bring one of our other senior officers with me."

"That will be acceptable. One hour."

"Agreed." Chakotay signaled Harry to close the comm link and turned to his right toward the tactical station. Tuvok, please see me in my office in fifteen minutes. I would like to discuss some things with you before our meeting with Minister Taellon. In the meantime, wish me luck, looks like it's time to visit the captain."

"You have my sympathies Commander," Tuvok replied, intentionally trying to introduce a little humor to the situation for the benefit of his human companions.

"Thanks a lot Tuvok, that's extremely comforting," said Chakotay. And he headed for the door to the ready room.

* * *

"Come in." 

Chakotay heard the captain's response to the door chime and as the doors opened he took two steps into the room and stopped. Sometimes his Starfleet and Maquis tactical training was even valuable when meeting with his captain. He learned the hard way that it was best to evaluate your situation before running into an ambush. He was actually surprised to find her sitting comfortably near the viewport, looking out at the planet, with a cup of coffee in her hand. She looked terribly relaxed, which was not at all what he had expected.

She turned toward him and smiled as she noticed his hesitation. "It's okay Chakotay, I won't bark or bite, I promise. Come join me."

"I wasn't sure you'd be happy to see me."

"What makes you say that? I'm almost always happy to see you." She paused for a second to let that sink in. As anticipated his expression changed to one of amusement and he walked over and took a seat beside her. Janeway continued, "It's not like it's the first time we've encountered a diversity problem in the Delta Quadrant. I seem to remember Maj Cullah of the Kazon wasn't too fond of a woman in charge either." Voyager had long ago left the Kazon behind, but the memories of their experiences in their territory were still painful, especially for the captain. "Last time we saw him the Maj took a cheap shot to the side of my face as I recall." She briefly touched her hand to her cheek in remembrance of the incident. "Nice catch by the way. I don't think I ever truly thanked you for it." Chakotay and some of her other officers had caught her before she fell flat on the deck during that particular incident.

Chakotay remembered the encounter quite clearly himself. He also remembered that he had admired her tenacity with the Maj. Even after being struck hard in the face she had gotten back up immediately and faced him again. The woman had guts. "You're very welcome. I also remember that we eventually taught him a lesson about his bad attitude. Or at least Tom and his Talaxian friends did."

That had been the last time that they had encountered the Kazon. Voyager had been captured, and the Kazon had left the crew stranded on a barren planet where they had to fend for themselves. Luckily, Tom Paris had escaped in a shuttle, and with the help of a rescue party of Talaxians, eventually managed to retake the ship and come back for the crew.

"It's a good thing Tom came back for us or I'd have been completely bald." She keenly remembered how difficult their time on that planet had been, but there had been a couple of lighter moments. One evening, having nothing to start a fire, Chakotay had attempted to use the old method of rubbing two sticks together. When the wood had been uncooperative, they had resorted to using some of the captain's hair for kindling.

Chakotay blushed slightly and chuckled. "Don't remind me. I've listened to enough jokes about Native Americans who can't start fires over the last couple of years."

There was a brief pause in the conversation as they smiled at each other and remembered the incident. "Well, you didn't come here for the light hearted banter, what's on your mind?" Janeway inquired.

Chakotay gestured toward the viewport. "As you can tell, we've completed docking procedures, and Kevis has arranged a meeting with their prime minister in less than an hour. I've decided to take Tuvok with me."

The captain maintained her composure and decided to tease him a little. "Enjoy yourselves, just don't give away any of my prized possessions."

"I'll keep that in mind. Anything I can do for you?" Chakotay asked.

She was not surprised that he was asking. She knew better than anyone what she was like on the rare occasion that she couldn't participate in a mission the way she would like too. "No Chakotay, I'll come up with something to occupy my time while you're doing all the dirty work. But thanks for asking, I appreciate it."

"Any time. I'll give you a detailed report as soon as Tuvok and I return."

Now that the business was concluded, she decided to make an offer of friendship, "How about over dinner, my quarters, say 1900 hours? Seems the least I can do."

"I think that can be arranged." Chakotay rose from the couch and headed back toward the door to the bridge.

Janeway called after him. "Good luck Commander. If these aliens are as much like the Ferengi as they appear to be, it may be a challenging mission."

He stopped and turned toward her just as the door swished open in front of him. "Somehow I have a feeling you may be right. At least they're taller than the Alpha Quadrant equivalent. I won't get a crick in my neck dealing with them." They both laughed at that for a moment. "See you later," he said with a smile, and then continued through the door and headed for his meeting with Tuvok.

* * *

At 2230 Chakotay was finally returning to Voyager. The preliminary negotiations with the prime minister had gone fairly well. Luckily they weren't as much like the Ferengi as the captain had feared. But the meeting had dragged on endlessly and they had returned to the ship much later than anticipated. He had contacted her several hours before, given her an update on their situation, and informed her that he wouldn't be able to make their dinner engagement. He also let her know that their next meeting with Prime Minister Taellon was first thing in the morning. She had been very understanding, told him to keep her posted, and by all means get some rest before tomorrow. He wondered how long she'd be able to keep up appearances before her natural curiosity and impatience got the best of her. 

TBC


	3. Negotiations

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 3: Negotiations **

Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff.

Rating – K+

"Captain's log, stardate 53321.2: Chakotay and Tuvok continue to negotiate for our badly needed supplies with the prime minister. My input to the effort has been severely limited due to the way this culture views women and their officials have exhibited an aversion to working with me. Because of this I have decided on a course of action for myself and several other members of the crew which should prove helpful to our overall supply effort. I only hope Chakotay will go along with my proposal."

She finished recording her log entry and hailed the commander. "Janeway to Chakotay."

Chakotay was staring intently at the PADD in his hand when he heard the captain's hail. "Chakotay here."

"I have something important to discuss with you. Please report to my ready room at your earliest convenience."

"I'll be right there," he said without hesitation.

"See you soon. Janeway out."

Chakotay had been in his office going over his latest revision to the supply list he and Tuvok were negotiating with the Vellnorians. They had another important meeting with Prime Minister Taellon the next morning for the second day in a row. He was hoping it would be their last one. As he thought of the captain and her hail, he smiled a knowing smile to himself. He hadn't heard from her in several hours, and as she had been contacting him regularly since the day before, he knew her hail was overdue. She must indeed have found something to keep her busy.

This particular mission had started on an unusual note and in some ways had given him pause. He had been somewhat taken aback when Janeway had so easily stepped aside and let him handle things with Kevis, and while it wasn't completely without precedent, he could tell that this time something was different and quite frankly he could see her becoming more restless as she was forced into a supporting role. Even though he and Tuvok were keeping her well informed of every aspect of the mission, and including her in every important decision, responsibilities that she would normally be handling were falling primarily to them. As a result, Janeway was forced into an unaccustomed idleness, and they all knew that she didn't handle down-time well. She was a person that needed to be busy, needed challenges, even in her off hours. She normally did well enough with her normal routine, even finding other activities to occupy her when she wasn't on duty, but this was different, and it was obviously starting to get to her.

Chakotay was also well aware that there were other issues contributing to Janeway's need to be busy. Recent events had deeply affected her, and her relationship with her first officer had suffered as well, and neither had yet completely recovered from the experience.

When another Federation ship had been found in the Delta Quadrant, everyone's hopes had been raised, especially those of Captain Janeway. But Captain Rudy Ransom of the Federation Starship Equinox had succumbed to the pressures of life in this part of space and tossed his principles out an airlock. He had murdered members of an alien species and used their remains to power his ship. Once the transgression was discovered, Janeway had been appalled and felt betrayed. She had vowed to make Ransom answer for his crimes. When Ransom and his crew escaped from Voyager, she had become obsessed with capturing him at all cost. Chakotay had disagreed with several of her decisions and she had finally relieved him of duty. The incident had ended tragically with Ransom and most of his remaining crew lost. The ship exploded after the aliens had attacked seeking their own revenge.

She and Chakotay had talked about the experience on several occasions since then and although they had made some progress in putting the pieces of their professional relationship and their friendship back together, there was still a long way to go. They were still walking on eggshells around each other a good deal of the time and they both felt it. She had gone too far in his eyes and largely in her own eyes as well. Not completely over the edge, but close, and she knew it. Chakotay would have had every right to force her to step down, but had stepped aside as ordered. He had trusted that her better judgment would win out in the end. As it was, they would never know since the aliens had taken the decision out of her hands.

So Chakotay went to meet her as requested, fully expecting the usual inquiry since they had met the Vellnorians. She would let him get in the door, barely, and immediately order 'Report!' expecting him to bring her up to date on every last agonizing detail of their mission status to this point. It was grueling but fairly amusing at the same time. And at least it kept her informed enough to leave him alone to get some work done for a few hours at a time.

Before he knew it, Chakotay was exiting the turbolift on the bridge and approaching the door to the ready room. As he stepped close enough for the door chime to make her aware of his presence, he heard her state "Enter", and he could barely keep the small smile from his face as he proceeded into the room and waited for her to proceed. He was clearly surprised when her first statement to him was "Good afternoon Chakotay, I have an idea I want to discuss with you." She hadn't been this cheerful since their first meeting after entering the Vellnorian space dock.

She was staring intently at the computer screen in front of her when she made her opening statement and Chakotay noticed that her desk was littered with PADDs. "I'm all ears Captain, what's on your mind?"

She waved him toward the chair in front of her desk and turned to face him, picking up an almost empty cup of coffee as she turned. "Well, since I've had a great deal of time on my hands of late," she said, sharing a sarcastic expression with him before continuing, "I've had Harry and Seven working over-time on further scans of the next system. In particular the planet we identified as a possible source of our mineral supplies."

Chakotay could tell she had something in mind, and knowing her, she would have it all planned out before she had contacted him. It was nice to see her involved in something, and more like herself, after the last couple of days. He stated simply, "And what have they found?"

Janeway wasted no time answering his question. She was so excited she blurted the whole thing out in one long run-on sentence; barely taking the time to breathe. "As you know, our preliminary scans were promising, so we checked and double checked everything and it looks as though the planet has significant supplies of dilithium as well as some indication of other minerals we require, and while the atmosphere on the surface is border-line Class-M, and extremely hot by our normal standards, there is an extensive underground cave system that would provide us with a more comfortable environment and allow for easier access to the mineral deposits, and the rest of the system seems to be uninhabited, meaning we wouldn't be invading anyone's territory, so I was thinking..."

"Kathryn, slow down, you're making me dizzy!" Chakotay was reminded of Naomi Wildman and some of her more enthusiastic outbursts. Maybe she had more of a chance at being a Captain's Assistant than she knew. Somehow he had a feeling that Naomi and a young Kathryn Janeway would have a lot in common.

She sighed slightly and then apologized, "Sorry Chakotay, I guess I was on a roll."

"You can say that again." He flashed his patented full-dimple smile and she returned it warmly.

"Okay, let's try this again, but not before a fresh cup of coffee. Can I get you anything?" She rose from behind her desk and walked purposefully over to the replicator.

Chakotay found it amazing that anyone could consume as much coffee as she did. It was probably partly to blame for the fact that she often appeared as if she was in constant motion. Even on calm shifts on the bridge she was frequently walking around to different stations or pacing slowly back and forth in front of her chair, reading a report with her favorite mug in her hand. If they ever got home, Starfleet would probably wonder at the cause of the strip of worn carpet across the center of the command level. However, Chakotay had also had been witness to a subdued Kathryn Janeway on several occasions in the time he had known her and he much preferred this version, even if it was somewhat caffeine induced.

Chakotay rose as well and followed her to the replicator. "Spice tea would be nice."

"Coming right up. Let's take a seat up here where we can both be more comfortable. I imagine you've been up to your neck with the supply list lately and could use a break."

Taking a seat near the window and rubbing his eyes, Chakotay replied, "As a matter of fact it is nice to get away from it for a while."

Janeway returned from the replicator with two steaming mugs in hand, passing one to Chakotay. She wrapped both hands around hers and sat next to him on the couch, and although they were both sitting rather stiffly, leaning slightly forward on the edge of their seats, it felt good to simply sit for a while enjoying each other's company. They sat in companionable silence sipping their drinks for a few seconds before anyone spoke.

It was Chakotay who finally broke the silence. His curiosity had gotten the best of him after her earlier outburst. "So what's on your mind concerning the dilithium?"

Kathryn repositioned herself on the sofa, rested her back against the cushions and crossed her legs. Maybe if she appeared relaxed during this discussion, things would go smoothly. She wasn't sure why, but she was concerned he might not go along with her idea once she presented it. "Well, it occurred to me that it was probably going to take several days to finalize the negotiations and complete the actual gathering and loading of the food supplies. Have you and Tuvok been able to complete your estimate on the timeline?"

Chakotay had already surmised that she was carefully manipulating this conversation. He wouldn't have been surprised if she even practiced what his responses would be ahead of time in order to be better prepared. He decided to play along and see where this went. "As a matter of fact we worked on that this afternoon. Looks like one more day to finalize things with the prime minister, another day to make the necessary arrangements directly with the suppliers, then probably one or two more days to load everything. We're hoping to keep it to three days, but worst case, four. Why, what do you have in mind?"

"Based on the data that Harry and Seven have gathered, I was thinking that we could send an away team to the other planet to get started on the mineral supplies. We could organize a small team to take the Delta Flyer and do the preliminary work. Then Voyager could follow in time to load everything. That way we wouldn't have to delay any longer in this area than necessary."

Seeing where this line of discussion was headed, Chakotay replied, "And it would give you something to do as well, wouldn't it? Kathryn, I don't know. That's several days away and the team would be out of reach of Voyager almost the entire time. I'm not sure I can support the idea, especially if the captain goes along, which is what I assume must be part of the plan."

As Chakotay suspected, she had prepared for this discussion ahead of time. She knew how much he hated it when she accompanied an away mission. If they were in the Alpha Quadrant, protocol would dictate that the captain remain on the bridge unless a diplomatic contact was required. And it was the first officer's responsibility to make sure that a curious and over-anxious captain didn't put him or herself in unnecessary danger. It was an unfortunate quirk of fate that the very traits that won an individual a captaincy in the first place often proved a great source of frustration when they were given their own command. It wasn't easy to sit back and watch everyone else have all the fun. But that protocol made a lot of sense and they both knew it. Away missions could be unpredictable even under the best of circumstances, and things were even more unpredictable here in the Delta Quadrant. She would have to convince him that this was low risk and worth the effort.

"Under normal circumstances I would agree. But we've had smooth sailing for a while now and there has been no evidence of hostile aliens. As a matter of fact, the Vellnorians are the only sentient life in either this or the next system, so the chances of us running into that kind of trouble are negligible. As for the Delta Flyer, we already know what that little ship is capable of. I trust it as much as I do Voyager. And even if something were to go wrong, we would still be in hailing range and more than likely be fine until you were able to reach us. Long range sensors can even keep track of our progress until we land. With regard to the mission on the planet, the only danger I can anticipate is working in the underground caves. We won't know exactly what those conditions will be until we get there, but I'll take every precaution before I authorize anyone to physically enter the caves. As I see it, we get a jump start on our second mission, with very low risk, and you get an extremely bored captain out of your way."

Chakotay had to chuckle. "I suppose you're right, particularly about the captain, she has been a bit of a problem lately."

"Funny Chakotay, very funny!" She proceeded to give him a playful slap on the arm and laughed. She couldn't help herself. But she had set herself up and she knew it. "Seriously, what do you really think?"

He looked her in the eye, "Well, you are correct that the risk seems minimal, but we've said that before and paid the price." She opened her mouth to respond, but he held up a hand to stop her. "Before you jump into round two of the sales pitch, I'm not all that opposed to the idea, it's obvious that you've considered all the angles and aren't just looking for a convenient way out of your boredom. As usual, you have applied the patented Janeway thoroughness to this endeavor."

She was sporting a small smirk on her face when she replied. "Thanks… I think."

"Who were you planning to take with you?"

"I was considering B'Elanna and Seven. They can't participate in our dealings with the Vellnorians any more than I can, and I can use their technical expertise in the mining effort. I was also thinking about Tom. Let's face it, there's no real challenge for him here and I could use a medic just in case."

Chakotay cocked his head and frowned at her on that one.

She continued quickly, "And I thought about including Ensign Wilkins as well. He's currently assigned to Tuvok's security detail. I can use him to keep an eye on things and help us with the heavy work. Not to mention that he was with the U.S.S. Richmond on a geological survey right before reporting for duty on Voyager. They spent a lot of time underground."

"You've really thought this one out, haven't you?"

"I tried to cover all the bases. I knew I'd have to convince a certain first officer to let me out for a while." And with a voice simply dripping with sarcasm she continued, "Can I go, please, can I?" She teased, quickly taking a sip of her coffee.

Chakotay looked at her and shook his head. "Kathryn, you're incorrigible."

She looked at him over the edge of her mug, "Probably, but you like me better this way. I'm easier to live with."

He was actually encouraged by her mood. Right at the moment, she seemed downright playful. "Good point! When would you leave?"

"The sooner the better. I've already had Harry download all the scan data to the Flyer's onboard computer and I've got B'Elanna and Seven gathering equipment and supplies. I think we could be out of here by this evening. Let's face it, the sooner we get moving, the more we can accomplish before you rendezvous with us in a few days."

Chakotay wasn't at all surprised by her thoroughness. He'd have been disappointed if she hadn't had things already in progress. "Don't waste any time do you?"

"No, I suppose I don't. I was a bit restless. Too much caffeine maybe?" she said with and evil grin. He laughed inwardly at the irony of that comment. "I needed to be doing something besides driving you crazy, and I thought it best to get started. Even if we decided I wasn't going along, I was pretty confident you'd agree with the basic mission concept."

Chakotay finally leaned back on the couch and started to go over the timing of her proposal. "Given our current timeline, you'll be on your own for almost a week. Of course three days of that will be spent in the Flyer. We'll try to move things along as quickly as possible here, but you could still have about three to four days on the planet before we catch up to you. I could push a little faster on the travel time, but with our dilithium situation the way it is I'd rather not."

Janeway turned serious again and looked directly at him. "Chakotay, we'll be fine. I wouldn't expect you to push Voyager more than necessary on our current reserves. That's part of the reason I want to get a jump-start on this mission. It concerns me to have Voyager at less than peak performance any longer than necessary. The more we can get done now, the less time we spend vulnerable in any way."

As much as he hated to admit it, she was right. Leave it to Janeway to add reason to the discussion of something she really wanted to do anyway. "Okay Kathryn, have fun. Let me know if there's anything you need from me to help you get on your way. I guess I should get back to the infamous supply list. The prime minister is fairly reasonable, but a bit impatient with us 'off-worlders' as they call us. It's probably just a cultural difference, but it's frustrating to deal with and I want to be well prepared for our meeting tomorrow."

Realizing the conversation was drawing to a close, they both began to rise from their seats, Chakotay leaving his mug on the table as he did so.

Janeway walked up next to him. "I'll get in touch with you when we're ready to leave, and Chakotay, thank you… for everything."

He turned toward her, standing only inches away, knowing there was more than just the current situation on her mind for her to make that statement. Placing his hand on her shoulder and looking straight in her eyes, he said, "My pleasure Captain."

She returned the intensity of his gaze, accompanied it with a relaxed smile, and replied, "Dismissed Commander."

* * *

On the walk back to his office, Chakotay had a lot on his mind. As well as the work he needed to do, his conversation with the captain had reminded him of how much he wanted to talk further with her about everything that had happened lately. The strain had been difficult for both of them and he wanted desperately to move past it. Things had grown better recently as there hadn't been any real crises to deal with, but he knew it would take more than a temporary respite from the usual Delta Quadrant disasters and a few brief conversations to resolve the underlying concern.

In spite of their most recent difficulties, he had never lost his respect for her, but he suspected she had lost some for herself. Somehow he needed to make her see that while he had not approved of her actions, he understood them, and in that was the basis for repairing their relationship. Chakotay knew what this whole experience in the Delta Quadrant had cost her. As the captain of the only starship in the general vicinity she was alone out here. Alone as no other captain, except maybe Rudy Ransom, had ever been. And Ransom had lost control.

Even during Chakotay's time as a captain with the Maquis it was rare to be without support of some kind. Of course some missions were extremely dangerous, requiring a level of secrecy that made the provision of any meaningful back up difficult, but they had always known that going in. Those missions were always voluntary and the team members had gone along willingly. And even at that, they weren't tens of thousands of light-years from their home base and any other friendly forces if something went wrong. It was the exception rather than the rule for them to be any significant distance from help. While the Maquis didn't have the resources of Starfleet, most missions were planned with specific check-in times and back-up if at all possible. A luxury they didn't have on Voyager.

His thoughts wandered back to the captain. Somehow she had managed to hold herself together phenomenally well under incredible pressure and Chakotay admired her immensely for that. Unfortunately, Kathryn was also a very private and introspective person, and he knew better than anyone that their recent episode with the Equinox, as well as several other incidents over the years, had been difficult for her on a very personal level. Those episodes had exacted a heavy price. While she tried to hide it, he knew that lately she was questioning herself, her motives, her actions, and possibly her own sanity. If only she could get past the annoying tendency she had of taking all the responsibility for everything that happened to the ship and the crew onto herself. She needed to allow herself the leeway to make mistakes like any other human being and to rely more on those around her. He had to convince her somehow that the rules could and should change out here. He only hoped he could make her see that before something snapped. Recently he wasn't sure he would be able to. But maybe, just maybe, with opportunities such as the small gesture he had just made, she would let him in and they could move forward together.

* * *

Janeway had been working with the rest of the team loading the last of the gear and supplies in the shuttle when Chakotay approached her from behind. She had contacted him earlier to let him know they were just about ready to leave. He was less than one step from her and she didn't realize he was there until he leaned down and said, "Got all your toys packed Kathryn?"

Startled, she jumped forward bumping her head slightly on the door to the hatch she was loading. "Ouch! Chakotay, you really need to stop doing that. Is it a requirement in the Maquis to learn how to sneak up on people? God, I never hear you coming."

"Kathryn, it has nothing to do with the Maquis and you know it. It just so happens that you are always pre-occupied."

She turned quickly rubbing her head. "Oh no you don't! I may have been a little pre-occupied just now, but I am quite certain that you have a natural ability to move in on people when they least expect it. Must have been really helpful in your former command. Besides, I also know you enjoy watching me jump every time you do it to me. Last time required a visit to sickbay, remember, the infamous 'scare the captain out of her wits in the Jefferies Tube' incident. That was priceless. Thanks to you I was so startled I fell down the ladder and almost broke an ankle."

"Ok, I give up, you win." He held up his hands in mock surrender. "I am doing it to you on purpose, whatever you say. But please tell me where you've come by this theory of yours about my natural ability."

"Oh, it's not really a theory. Just seemed like an amusing response at the time. Besides, isn't it one of those old earth stereotypes, something about Native Americans being able to be very quiet when they want to, all that hunting going on I suppose. Me on the other hand, I'm Irish, we're expected to do everything loudly."

That one brought on a full-fledged laugh from both of them. Voyager's captain could be a lot of fun when she was in the right mood. And right now she was happy and excited about heading out on this mission and doing something different for a change. Chakotay couldn't help but enjoy her excitement in spite of the still nagging concern that he didn't like her heading out on this trip with only a small team, no matter how capable they were.

Chakotay helped finish loading their gear and followed her to the shuttle door. Everyone else was already aboard. Just before she entered, she turned toward him and placed her hand on his arm. "See you in a few days Commander. Take good care of my ship."

"You can count on it. And you take care of her captain, Captain."

Janeway blushed at his open concern. "I'll see what I can do." she replied with a quick smile. They looked at each other for another second or two and then she entered the shuttle, closing the hatch behind her. Chakotay stepped away from the Delta Flyer and watched as Tom maneuvered the small ship out of the shuttle bay and off into space.

TBC


	4. Food Fight!

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 4: Food Fight! **

Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff.

Rating – K+

The last couple of days had been absolute hell for Chakotay and it was beginning to show. With the captain away, he was balancing both of their normal responsibilities himself as well as spending an inordinate amount of time in negotiations with the Vellnorians. These aliens were certainly detail oriented, everything had to be gone over at least three times before they were satisfied, and it doubled or even tripled the time it normally took to make such arrangements. Tuvok's help had been greatly appreciated, but he was busy with his own responsibilities, which seemed to increase ten-fold every time they were in an alien space dock. Neither of them was getting much sleep, and Chakotay's patience was starting to wear thin. Luckily for Tuvok, Vulcans were immune to such problems.

They had finished with the prime minister yesterday and had managed to complete the trade negotiations without losing their shirts. The final list of offerings - a supply of replicated computer and shuttle components; a large number of star charts of the areas that _Voyager_ had traversed; some scientific data related to nearby anomalies, nebulas and the like; and a generous selection of alpha quadrant cultural information and literature. This also included, oddly enough, a good deal of information on Alpha Quadrant species. Even though they were unlikely to ever have the opportunity to meet with anyone from these distant races, they had a keen interest in the diversity of the universe. Chakotay was happy to comply.

Today had simply been exhausting. Chakotay, Tuvok, Neelix and Harry had visited the numerous farmers and merchants who would supply the items negotiated for over the previous two days. While all had gone well, Chakotay felt as though he had personally walked a million miles and shaken hands with a million Vellnorians.

To make matters worse, he and Harry had drawn the short straw and ended up meeting with a group of Vellnorian herders. These members of the community also butchered, preserved and sold their own meat, acting as both suppliers and salesmen. Being largely a vegetarian, this was bad enough for _Voyager_s' first officer, but after spending the day in several alien barnyards, Chakotay was convinced that he had never been around worse smelling animals in his life. Now he was simply tired, hungry, and in need of a long, and very hot, real shower.

The captain had briefly checked in with him several times since the Flyer had left _Voyager_ two days before, but both of them had been too busy with their own activities to have a lengthy conversation. Chakotay was also fairly reluctant to mention his frustrations to her, as he didn't wish her to feel guilty about leaving him and Tuvok to carry on without her. She had looked and sounded fine and everything was going well with their trip so far. Hopefully his concerns of earlier would continue to prove unfounded.

After spending several extra hours in the ready room cleaning up reports, and finalizing the arrangements for the loading operation which would begin early in the morning, he finally headed to his quarters around 2200 hours. Once arriving in the relative peace and quiet of his quarters, he took his long awaited shower, replicated something to eat, and then collapsed into his bed for a few well deserved hours of rest.

* * *

Having decided to take the safe route to the planet, Tom Paris was piloting the Delta Flyer through open space and completely avoiding any contact with the asteroid field that Seven and Harry had identified. While it would have been fun trying to navigate the field, it would not have been a good idea and he knew it. That kind of fun could be extremely dangerous and had gotten him in trouble on more than one occasion. And besides, the captain was on board. Even if he had wanted to give it a try, he wouldn't have done so with her along for the ride.

For her part, Janeway had been somewhat surprised that Tom hadn't asked to try to take the short cut. Maybe he was starting to grow up. She doubted that was the case. While Tom had matured in any number of ways since arriving on _Voyager_, there were still a few areas, particularly involving matters with shuttles, which could still use improvement. More likely he was just intimidated by her presence and reluctant to try anything with her around. She hoped over the course of the next few days to make all of them more comfortable around her. It was obvious that they were a little uneasy being in such close proximity to their captain for such a long period.

The trip was proving most difficult for B'Elanna and Seven. In the last few months they had managed to establish a fairly stable working relationship, but they still had a long way to go. Time had created a sort of mutual respect in each other's abilities, and they had determined that by working on separate projects as much as possible, they avoided potential conflicts. But in reality, the two of them often butted heads, and now they were being forced to work together in close quarters. After the last two days, the captain was actually beginning to have second thoughts about the decision to bring both of them along. She had suggested it on purpose in the hope that this would be a good experience for the two of them. If they were forced together, with Janeway acting as a sort of referee, maybe they would establish a better working relationship. Now she was very afraid the experiment was doomed to failure.

Seven had been assigned to run long range scans on the planet to identify the location of the heaviest concentrations of dilithium and map the caves as best she could from a distance. B'Elanna was in charge of planning how to execute the actual mining operation. Since there was a great deal of overlap in the two tasks, they needed to spend a significant amount of time together coordinating their efforts. It was proving interesting to say the least.

They had identified what appeared to be some type of electromagnetic field emanating from beneath the surface of the planet and it was hampering Seven's efforts in obtaining completely accurate information. While the scans showed ample dilithium deposits, it was difficult to pinpoint their exact locations in relationship to the cave system. She and B'Elanna were now starting to disagree on the interpretation of the data and on the proper approach to take in getting to work once they reached the planet. The disagreement had finally gotten out of hand, and Janeway had intervened making the excuse that it had been a long day and they were all a little short tempered being cooped up in the Flyer for so long. The two combatants had recognized the logic in the captain's words, as well as the tone of her voice, and wisely called it a day.

That was only a couple of hours ago. Everything was now fairly quiet on board. Bringing along Ensign Wilkins had turned out to be one of her better decisions. Not only was he more than qualified to handle his assignment, the fact that he was completely unaffected by the shenanigans of Seven and B'Elanna was a godsend; at least there was one person along for the trip that she didn't have to worry about. He was currently in the cargo section where he had been all day. His assignment was to check their supply situation and organize the gear they would need when they arrived at their landing site. When she'd checked in with him earlier, he seemed to have everything well in hand.

Being a more than competent pilot in her own right, Janeway had just relieved Tom at the helm, giving B'Elanna someone else to spend her time with. She and Tom had just headed for the cargo compartment to have dinner. Seven chose to stay in the forward cabin with the captain for a while and continue working.

Oddly enough, Janeway was somewhat glad for the distraction B'Elanna and Seven were creating, as well as the amount of work there was to do in preparation for their arrival at the planet. It kept her mind occupied. Whenever she spent too much time by herself, or when she wasn't busy enough on _Voyager_ to keep her thoughts from wandering, unresolved issues and emotions would bubble to the surface.

Fortunately for her, being the captain of a starship was a pretty demanding job and there hadn't been many lengthy quiet periods during their voyage; most of the time they were searching for supplies, negotiating for passage through a particular area of space, or running for their lives from some hostile alien. As often as possible she gave the crew the opportunity for shore leave, and there were also the occasional side trips for scientific exploration of some new phenomenon, but these excursions were relatively few and far between. _Voyager_ was intended to be a science vessel with a scientist captain. But hostilities on many fronts at the time were causing even deep space science vessels to be pressed into alternate duty. Even so, their inaugural mission to track down Chakotay's renegade Maquis cell was supposed to have been only a minor detour before ship and crew could assume their true mission for the Federation. Some detour.

And while Janeway was an extremely able and accomplished captain, she had not prepared herself or her ship and crew for the long term deep space mission they were now stuck with. It had taken its toll in more ways than one. She was, now more than ever, consciously aware of the effect this was having on her and her ability to effectively serve that very same ship and crew.

Making matters worse, Captain Ransom and the _Equinox_ were still fresh in her mind. And it was a constant source of consternation. It was just one more incident that had made this whole journey more difficult of late. She was starting to second-guess herself and she was generally dismayed and confused with her own behavior at times. What she needed was a long vacation, but that wasn't likely to happen. She'd heard of a number of officers who had been treated for post-traumatic stress disorder after the fight with the Borg at Wolf 359. Had even been friends with several. She wondered if that condition could possibly be in some way an explanation for how she now felt. This little tour of the Delta Quadrant was turning out to be one trauma after another and almost constant stress. She would not have thought herself vulnerable to such things, but it certainly was possible. There were days when she could almost feel herself unraveling. Like someone was pulling at a loose thread in her mind, and her self control and mental discipline were slowly coming apart at the seams. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath in an attempt to banish her melancholy to somewhere far far away.

As she sat looking out at the starfield ahead, Janeway silently wondered whether or not Chakotay was having as much fun as she was.

* * *

When the computer woke Commander Chakotay at 0600 in the morning, he felt as though he had just gone to sleep. Oh well, if they were lucky, by the end of the day today they would be on their way to their rendezvous with the captain and her team and he would have plenty of time to rest during the journey, three full days in fact.

He quickly dressed and contacted the bridge.

Harry Kim answered his call. "Good morning Commander, what can I do for you."

Chakotay was surprised Harry was there so early as his shift wasn't due to start for some time. "You're on duty early Harry, everything alright up there?"

"Everything's fine. I just thought I'd get an early start since I have the bridge today while the rest of you are working on getting the supplies loaded."

"As a matter of fact that's why I contacted you. I wanted to let someone know I was back on duty and headed for the Cargo bay."

"Aye sir. I'll be here if you need anything."

"Chakotay out." As Chakotay closed the communication, he thought about how much Harry had changed over the past few years on _Voyager_. He was now an extremely capable officer and even served as a kind of group leader and mentor for some of the other less experienced members of the crew. Both Chakotay and the captain were comfortable leaving him in charge of the bridge as he had proven himself on many occasions. Although there probably wouldn't be much for Harry to do today, Chakotay was confident that things were in good hands up there.

As he entered the cargo bay, he found Neelix and Tuvok had arrived early to make final preparations. Several other crewmembers were also filing in two or three at a time. Tuvok had made arrangements with the cargo superintendent that they would begin to load the supplies at 0700 hours and it was just about that now.

Harry's voice was heard over the comm line shortly after Chakotay entered the cargo bay. "Bridge to cargo bay one."

"Chakotay here, go ahead Harry."

"We've just been contacted by the superintendent. They're ready on the airlock. We can begin to load any time."

"Thanks Harry, we'll take it from here. Neelix, would you like to do the honors?"

"Thank you Commander, I'd love to." Neelix walked to the airlock console and pressed a series of controls. With a whoosh of air, and the sound of scraping metal, the cargo bay doors opened to reveal a small army of Vellnorians standing in a large open warehouse, surrounded by stacks of the supplies the _Voyager_ staff had acquired. And Chakotay's heart sank. Very little of it was packed in such a manner that it could be efficiently loaded. Almost nothing was boxed or crated. Most of the items seemed to be in large canvas sacks or loosely tossed into baskets. From the look of things, they would not be leaving the planet today.

Chakotay raised his hand to his forehead and rubbed it vigorously. Then he lowered his hand and spoke to his companion. "Well Tuvok, it looks like we have a lot of work to do, we'd better get started."

"Yes Commander, I concur. It is unfortunate that the Vellnorians have not complied with the requirements we provided them regarding the packing of the supplies."

Neelix had already gone into the warehouse area and was scurrying around like a mouse caught in a maze. "Commander!" he shouted. "We'll have to repack almost all of this. We won't be able to get it all into the cargo bay if we don't."

"I can see that Neelix. Let's find the superintendent and see what we can do to get the problem corrected," Chakotay said with a demonstrative sigh as he and Tuvok gathered Neelix and headed for the superintendent's office to get things straightened out.

* * *

Several hours later, Chakotay had gone to the bridge to meet with Harry and to perform several other chores that needed to be done. He had left Neelix and Tuvok in charge in the cargo bay after their meeting with the Superintendent and had been glad to leave. Neelix was starting to wear out his welcome with just about everyone as he practically ran from place to place giving orders concerning the proper packing and storage of the supplies.

Chakotay had just retreated to the ready room to take care of a few reports that had piled up and enjoy a cup of tea when he was hailed by one of the security detail on duty in the cargo bay. "Cargo bay one to Commander Chakotay."

He set down his mug on the desk, "Chakotay here, go ahead."

"Ensign Haskins here Commander, we've got a problem. Neelix is going berserk."

Chakotay could hear the commotion in the background and it sounded bad. Tuvok had not been the one to hail him either, which meant he must have his hands full. "I'm on my way."

When he entered the cargo bay he could see a rough circle of Vellnorians and _Voyager_ crew standing near the center of the room. He could distinctly hear shouting and as he continued to approach, he could also see objects flying through the air that looked suspiciously like vegetables. Forcing his way through the remainder of the crowd he could clearly see what was going on. Neelix and the cargo superintendent were engaged in an all-out war in the center of a large gathering of Vellnorians. There were indeed loose vegetables strewn across the floor everywhere he could see. The two were hitting each other with their fists, and anything else that came into easy reach. Tuvok was rapidly approaching from the other side of the cargo bay and it was clear he would reach them first, so Chakotay slowed his pace slightly in order to keep from trampling anyone as he charged toward the commotion.

Both of the combatants were shouting at the top of their voices, with Neelix's vocabulary leaving much to be desired. Chakotay imagined that the Vellnorian's wasn't much better, but the universal translator was having a great deal of trouble picking up the alien's words properly due to the speed and volume at which he was expressing himself.

Chakotay continued to push his way through the crowd as quickly as he could and he was almost to his destination when all at once the shouting abruptly ceased. As he finally broke into the open he noticed that Tuvok was lowering an unresponsive Neelix to the floor. He could also see that several Vellnorian security personnel were restraining the superintendent.

Chakotay continued forward until he was kneeling alongside Tuvok and an unconscious Neelix. "What happened?"

"I was not actually present at the beginning of the disagreement. A member of my security team came to find me while I was assisting with some of the loading at the other end of the Cargo bay. According to the report I was given, Mister Neelix took issue with the way the supplies were being placed in a cargo container, something about bruising the merchandise. I returned to this area as quickly as possible and found Neelix and the superintendent already involved in a fistfight. My attempt to reason with the two of them failed and I determined that the only way to end the conflict was to subdue them. As the Vellnorian security team was arriving at that time and took charge of the superintendent, I chose to handle Mister Neelix myself."

Chakotay smiled in spite of the situation, "And your method was a neck pinch?"

"It seemed the appropriate course of action at the time," Tuvok said, his tone of voice revealing just the slightest bit of humor.

Chakotay was actually beginning to find this situation somewhat comical until he noticed a group of Vellnorians approaching them. And they didn't look happy. The alien at the head of the group walked determinedly up to the commander who quickly rose to meet him.

"Commander Chakotay of _Voyager_, I am Benat, Chief of the security detachment assigned to this section. I demand that you turn this ill-mannered beast over to us at once for punishment."

"Chief Benat, I'm sure there is no need for drastic action, once we have established what actually happened here we can arrive at a suitable resolution for both sides. Why don't..."

Chakotay's words were interrupted as the Chief pointed toward Neelix and turned to his security detachment and ordered, "Seize him!"

Tuvok and Chakotay were roughly shoved out of the way and the guards lifted Neelix and carried him in the direction of an exit on the far side of the warehouse.

Realizing it was probably better to let the Vellnorians have their way for the moment, Chakotay pulled Tuvok aside to speak to him. "Go with them, find out what they plan to do with Neelix and report back to me as soon as possible. I'll try to get things back to normal here and then meet you."

"Very well Commander, I'll contact you shortly." Taking two _Voyager_ security personnel with him, Tuvok followed the group carrying Neelix out of the cargo area.

Chakotay then contacted Harry on the bridge. "Chakotay to Ensign Kim."

"Kim here," Harry said.

"Mister Neelix has gotten himself into some trouble down here and is in the process of being incarcerated by the Vellnorians. Can you get a lock on his comm badge and keep track of where they take him?"

"Certainly Commander, is everything alright?"

"Hopefully nothing more than a little misunderstanding. Just keep track of where he is for me."

"I'll take care of it. Kim out."

Chakotay hoped that a food fight wasn't a capital offence on this planet or Neelix would be in real trouble. He was fairly confident that Tuvok could handle this situation, especially since these aliens seemed to have taken a liking to the Vulcan. He had participated in one of the diplomatic receptions on the ship with a rendition of Vulcan poetry that was well received by the Vellnorians present. Maybe he could recite some in exchange for Neelix' release. Now that would be something to tell the captain.

TBC


	5. All Settled In

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 5: All Settled In**

Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff.

Rating – K+

Just as she had anticipated, the flight to the planet had been completely uneventful, other than dealing with B'Elanna and Seven. 'Nothing interesting going on in this part of space.' she thought to herself. But maybe after everything else that had happened to Voyager in the last few months, uneventful was a good thing.

The away team had spent the three days in transit completing their detailed scans of the planet and finalizing their mission plan. Janeway was determined that they would have this adventure planned out ahead of time as much as possible. She wanted everything to go smoothly. Let's face it, if they ran into trouble, Chakotay would never let her hear the end of it.

She smiled to herself as she remembered their brief conversation in the shuttle bay upon their departure from Voyager. Maybe there was a chance that the two of them were beginning to get their professional and personal relationship solidly back on track. And if that could be fixed, then she had a chance with the rest of the crew as well.

Shortly after the incident with the Equinox, she'd become aware of a few rumors concerning her differences of opinion with Chakotay, as well as her handling of Noah Lessing. More recently there had been some chatter about the Vaadwaur and whether or not they were really free from any possibility of retaliation. She was also well aware that Chakotay had spent a good deal of time trying to quell any and all commentary when he became aware of it. Given the fact that she was still second guessing herself on some of her decisions during those incidents, the fact that there was still occasional discussion among some of the crew only added to her angst. She was willing to admit to herself that it was quite possibly nothing more than paranoia on her part, but she needed more evidence to make a final determination. One thing she knew for sure, she'd have to regain confidence in herself before she could properly decide to either address or dismiss her concern over the crew.

The situation with the Equinox was bad enough, but they had also recently found themselves in the middle of a conflict between two alien races known and the Turei and the Vaadwaur. Their first encounter with the Turei had not gone well and they were forced to take refuge in the radioactive environment of a planet in the throes of a nuclear winter. In doing so they discovered a remnant of the former inhabitants of the planet, the Vaadwaur, hidden away in stasis chambers underground. Seven had revived one of the aliens without consulting the captain, and that act had set in motion a series of events that Janeway was still trying to analyze in her own mind to determine how things could have been handled differently.

Having been attacked without provocation by the Turei after accidentally stumbling into what they claimed was their territory, a subspace corridor know as under-space, it had been natural to befriend the Vaadwaur and try to help them escape their now uninhabitable world. In exchange, the Vaadwaur had agreed to provide Voyager with the knowledge of how to use the corridors to get closer to home. In the end, the Vaadwaur had turned out to be the real threat, and Voyager had barely escaped, managing to create two enemies and forcing Janeway into the unenviable position of having to rethink her choices and command decisions through the whole affair. The fact of the matter was that, from the opening encounter with the Turei, Voyager and her captain and crew had literally been forced to react to the changing circumstances around them and had not truly been in control of anything. It unnerved her that they had been caught up in the whirlwind of events as they unfolded and that in some ways they had even inadvertently contributed to there own dilemma.

Was she losing her edge? Was she somehow so blinded by any possibility of making it even a few light-years closer to home that she was ignoring things that would give her an indication of who she could trust? Maybe it was a good thing she had decided to bow out and let Chakotay handle the Vellnorians.

Shaking her head, she realized that she had done it again. Wandered off in her mind to exactly the territory she was trying to avoid. She sighed deeply and allowed herself to think about the opportunity that this away mission posed for her. She would have quality time with several key members of her crew. And hopefully, through working and living together with them for a few days, she could find a way to put many of her concerns to rest, or at the very least to start the process.

Janeway was brought completely back to the present by Tom's voice. "Captain, we're approaching the planet. I'm locking in on our landing coordinates now."

As predicted, they were arriving almost exactly three days after they had made their departure from Voyager.

"Thanks Tom. Get ready to take us in."

Seven had continued to monitor the sensor scans of the planet upon their final approach. "Captain, I'm still reading some strange electromagnetic interference. While it is only a minor problem at the surface, it seems to be much more prevalent in the caverns. It may create some problems for communications and transporters."

"Thanks for the information Seven. We'll deal with it when we get there and can better analyze the impact to our mining effort from close up." Just then it struck her that it had been quite some time since she had contacted Voyager, and she had promised to contact Chakotay when they arrived at their destination. "Ensign Wilkins, will you hail Voyager and let them know I wish to speak to Commander Chakotay? Let me know when you have an open comm link."

"Yes Captain, right away," he said as he swiveled in his chair and keyed the required sequence in the control panel in front of him.

Janeway rose from her seat and moved to position herself over Tom's shoulder so she could see the planet clearly through the forward viewport as they approached their proposed landing site. "Well Tom, what do you think?"

"The site we identified ahead of time looks as good as any. It also seems to be a large enough clear area to allow us to set up camp there as well. That way we can keep everything close to the Flyer. Less fetch and carry, if you catch my meaning."

The idea of lugging equipment and supplies around in the heat didn't appeal very much to Janeway either. "I certainly do. Go ahead and set us down."

It only took Ensign Wilkins a few seconds to make contact with Voyager, "Captain, I have established a comm link. Commander Chakotay will speak with you when you're ready."

"Thank you Ensign. I'll take it on the upper console." She moved back to her original seat and activated the monitor. The image of Commander Chakotay immediately appeared on the screen.

"Captain, nice to see you. I take it you've arrived."

"As a matter of fact we have. Tom's setting us down now. Then we get to work setting up camp. How did the first day of loading go?"

"Well, let's just say it was interesting."

"Good interesting or bad interesting?" Janeway inquired. She could tell by the expression on his face it was probably the latter.

"Oh, a little of both I suppose. Neelix felt the need to oversee everything personally since most of the supplies we acquired were foodstuffs. By the middle of the day Tuvok was breaking up a fistfight between Neelix and the cargo superintendent. I'm still not exactly sure what started it. As I understand it, they didn't see eye to eye on the proper procedure for packing vegetables." Chakotay paused for a second, sighed noticeably, and shifted his position in his chair. "All I know is they were pelting each other with handfuls of them when I got there. Tuvok finally knocked Neelix out with a neck pinch. The whole incident would have been fairly humorous if the Vellnorians hadn't taken offense. Neelix and Tuvok are in the Vellnorian version of civil court as we speak. I sent the doctor to treat him for a few cuts and scrapes. Who knew that you could get hurt by flying produce?"

Barely containing her laughter, the captain replied, "Sounds like fun. Sorry I missed it."

"Captain, you're positively dripping with sincerity." Chakotay scrubbed his hand over his face and leaned back in the chair in his office.

Janeway immediately felt sorry for him. The poor man looked exhausted. "Do you think this will affect the rest of your plans?"

Chakotay shook his head. "No, I don't think so. I spoke with Tuvok a short time ago and he feels we will probably get out of this one with a small fine for disorderly conduct. Apparently they also want Neelix to spend the rest of our stay incarcerated in their jail. I'm beginning to think that it might be a good idea just to oblige them. Let them keep an eye on him, it'll make my life easier. So it looks like we have one more day to go here and then we'll be on our way."

"Chakotay, why don't you call it a day? From the look of you it's been a long one."

"That bad, huh?"

"Yes, that bad. Don't make me give you an order to get some rest," she replied.

"Okay, I catch the hint. It has been a tough day. So when do I get to enjoy my next stimulating conversation with the captain?"

"Now that we're here let's set up a regular interval for communications. How about every eight hours? I'll put Ensign Wilkins in charge on my end and why don't you assign Harry. We'll let them handle the transmissions and pass on the messages unless there's an emergency, and I'll plan on speaking with you directly same time tomorrow. That should be about the time you're ready to leave."

"Sounds good. I'll look forward to seeing you tomorrow."

"So will I Commander. Sleep well."

"Same to you. Chakotay out."

Janeway honestly hoped Chakotay would get some sleep. He really had looked awful. In a way, she was beginning to feel more than a little guilty for leaving him. Supply missions often took the two of them to organize and carry out. There was just too much going on for one person to manage properly. She and Chakotay had gone through the supply routine together so many times now that they had it down to a science. They instinctively knew what needed to be done and could anticipate what each other would do under most circumstances. Practice had definitely made perfect. She was sure that Harry and Tuvok were helping, but somehow she knew it wouldn't be the same.

So even though she would have had to take a back seat on this one because of the situation with the Vellnorians and their opinions of women in charge, she could still have provided help on the ship. Unfortunately she'd been so preoccupied with her own boredom and bruised ego that she hadn't thought about the fact that Chakotay might need her help in other ways. Now she felt like a spoiled child that had insisted on and gotten her own way at someone else's expense. She'd have to find a way to make it up to him.

At that moment, she felt the Delta Flyer come to rest on the planets' surface. Time to go to work. She'd have plenty of time worry about having one more reason to feel guilty later.

* * *

After spending three full days cooped up in the close environment of the Flyer, the away team was ecstatic to be out in the open, even if the temperature on the planet's surface was stifling.

"Wow, it's like a sauna out here," grumbled Tom.

"Don't worry about it Tom, we'll be spending most of our time underground. It'll be much more comfortable there," said B'Elanna.

"B'Elanna's right Tom. It won't be nearly this warm in the caves." The captain was in the process of removing her jacket and turtleneck as she spoke. "No sense being anymore uncomfortable then necessary. Feel free to lose the extra layers people. Just keep it civilized."

Between the five of them they dropped several extra layers of uniform and then set to work unloading the Delta Flyer. They rapidly constructed the shelter they had brought with them, moved all their equipment inside, and set out their cots and personal gear while B'Elanna and Ensign Wilkins hooked up the climate control system so they could be comfortable at night. Janeway had determined that was all they needed to do this evening as they had arrived so late in the day. They could handle the rest in the morning.

The captain had picked this spot on the planet as it had shown ample deposits of dilithium and was also located in such a way that they could stay at approximately the same time of day as the rest of the crew on Voyager. This would not only help with communications, but it would keep their internal clocks fairly straight.

When they had finished getting everything organized, they each went to the replicator in the Delta Flyer for something for dinner and brought it back to the table in the shelter. They had all just gotten seated and Tom started the conversation.

"Boy, I never thought I'd be happy to be on an away mission just so I could eat replicated food."

"Something wrong with Neelix's cooking Mister Paris?" inquired the captain. She knew her question would elicit a great deal of commentary. She did it on purpose. It would give them all common ground for a conversation. She'd learned a long time ago, when she first started to rise through the ranks, that if you wanted junior officers to be comfortable around you, it was probably up to you to take the first step. And she wanted all of them to be comfortable with her on this trip.

"Actually, he's been doing fairly well the last several months. It's just that since our supplies have been short, he's been getting creative. Some of the stuff he's come up with has been, well, let's just say it's been interesting."

"Point taken." The captain was well aware of how inventive Neelix could be. Sometimes he did it out of necessity in order to stretch their food supplies. But often he was simply experimenting. "Chakotay told me about one of his concoctions the other day. He mentioned that Neelix and Seven had been discussing it just before I arrived for one of our morning briefings. Something called Farek Egg Pate, if I remember correctly."

Seven joined the conversation. "That is correct Captain. I believe I described it as offensive."

Janeway laughed out loud. Chakotay had told her the story, but Seven's tone struck her as funny. "Oh, I'll bet he just loved that!"

"It certainly made for interesting pre-meeting conversation," B'Elanna added. "Chakotay defused it before you came in."

"He mentioned it. From what he told me it was a fairly amusing discussion. And at least the commander handled it this time. Usually I get to smooth over Neelix' ruffled feathers when someone insults his cooking."

"I was unaware that the incident had such a great effect on him," said Seven.

Apparently her instruction of Seven in the human condition wasn't quite complete. "Remind me to give you another lesson or two in the art of diplomacy Seven."

"If you feel it is necessary Captain."

"Oh, I think it might be," Janeway said as she returned to eating her dinner with a grin clearly visible on her face.

"I never knew senior staff meetings could be so entertaining. It seems the rest of us miss out on a lot of the goings on up there on the bridge," said Ensign Wilkins.

As usual, Tom couldn't resist the opportunity for a good joke, and since everyone seemed to be in a good mood, he decided to try to get away with one. "Actually Nick, we use the humor to relieve the stress, the captain's a real slave driver."

Janeway set down her fork, wiped her mouth with her napkin and looked up. She playfully rolled her eyes at him and then with a slight tone of arrogance to her voice said, "Don't you believe a word he says Ensign, I'm not a slave driver at all. While it's really quite a shame, they haven't allowed flogging or hanging on ships in centuries. Starfleet captains have had to develop much more subtle ways to influence the behavior of the crew, particularly the senior officers. We now prefer much more sophisticated forms of torture which are harder to detect - no visible marks. And just for the record, I prefer the term 'dictator'." She then made a grand sweep with her right hand finally bringing it around to move the hair away from her neck with a brushing motion, then looked at them and batted her eyes.

None of them could believe this open display of playfulness from their captain. While it wasn't unusual for her to join in on a joke now and then, it was fairly rare for her to be instigating one, and much less at her own expense. Everyone paused for a second to measure the other reactions in the room until B'Elanna couldn't stand it any more and doubled over laughing.

The rest of the group, all except Seven of course, soon followed suit and joined in the laughter as well, including the captain herself. "Mission accomplished," she thought.

Tom managed to regain control first. "That was impressive captain."

There was a broad smile on her face and a sparkle in her eye as she replied. "All of you have been so damn serious around me since the away mission began I just decided I had to break the ice somehow and you gave me the perfect opportunity. I thought that maybe we'd all prefer to be a little more relaxed on this trip. What do you say? If you don't take me too seriously, I won't take myself too seriously either."

"Captain, let me be the first to accept your offer." Ensign Wilkins held out his hand to his captain and she took it gladly, returning his handshake firmly. "And please, since we're being relaxed, call me Nick. I feel a little out of place being the only one you don't call by their first name."

"Then Nick it is," Janeway replied warmly. She glanced briefly over at Seven, who in spite of herself had a faint smile on her face. She counted that a victory as well. "What do you say we call it a night and get started first thing in the morning? I'd like to get as much done as possible before it gets too hot out there."

There was quick agreement all around and the team set about cleaning up from their meal and getting ready for the night. When Janeway finally drifted off to sleep, she was in a better mood than she had been in quite some time. With any luck, these few days away from Voyager would give her a chance to think through some of the issues that had been plaguing her and offer an opportunity to rekindle a close working relationship with the officers who had accompanied her.

* * *

Early the next morning the captain found herself waking the rest of her team simply by making a pot of coffee. The aroma of the steaming beverage was all it took to get Tom and Nick moving. Hearing the movement, Seven and B'Elanna soon joined them. Within minutes they were all up, dressed and sitting around the table having breakfast and discussing their plans for the day.

Tom poured himself a cup of coffee, took a sip, and realized that it was much too quiet for his taste. He noticed the captain staring intently at a PADD, "Anything interesting Captain?"

"Just going over the scan data of the cave system one more time. I think we need to spend some time trying to determine the cause and extent of the electromagnetic interference we identified before we get too involved in the mining effort. I don't want to take the chance of losing communications or transporters during a critical operation."

B'Elanna agreed with the captain's plan. "I think that's a good idea. Then we'll know exactly what we're dealing with before we get too far ahead of ourselves. I'd hate to find a massive dilithium deposit and then find we couldn't get it out because of some interference. That would be a big waste of time and energy."

"Captain, may I suggest that we take one team inside the caverns while another team stays topside. That way we can both conduct parallel scans of the same caverns and we'll know what we're up against both inside and out. We can work together, follow the same path, and determine exactly where the interference will create problems for us. We're likely to clearly identify the source of the interference in the process."

"Good thinking Nick, I knew I'd be glad to have you along. Sounds like you've done this sort of thing before," said Janeway.

"As a matter of fact I have. There are several planets in the Alpha Quadrant with dilithium deposits that also have similar problems with electromagnetic interference. It seems that the same geological conditions that allow the dilithium to form often create the perfect environment for the formation of magnetic ores. It can be a real pain in the neck."

"Well, since you seem to know what you're looking for, you lead the team in the caverns. Take B'Elanna and Tom with you. Seven and I will follow you from above and we'll create a detailed map of the first few caverns we want to work with. Everyone okay with that?"

Everyone agreed, especially B'Elanna, who was inwardly relieved to not be paired with Seven for this morning's expedition. Nick took a few minutes to check in with Voyager as scheduled. He spoke briefly with Harry to let them know what their plans were, and then he returned to the rest of the group at the table. They finished breakfast, gathered the gear they would need in individual packs, and headed for the caves.

TBC


	6. Is it Hot Out Here or is it Just Me?

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 6: Is it hot out here or is it just me?**

Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff.

Rating – K+

The first cave didn't prove to be much of a challenge. They found a small dilithium deposit within several hundred meters of the cave entrance and encountered no interference in the area. Tom had gone back to the Flyer, locked the transporter onto the dilithium, and beamed it to a holding area they had set up near their camp.

While Tom was on his way back, the rest of the team headed on ahead to the second cave. This one was proving to be much more of a challenge right from the start. Their original scans from the Flyer, and subsequent scans from the surface, indicated a fairly large dilithium deposit, but they discovered several possible entrances to the cavern and weren't sure of the best route to take. The biggest problem was that there was a great deal of interference surrounding this deposit. It was a little like working on a giant jigsaw puzzle and trying to find the one piece that would tie everything together.

They gathered at the mouth of what they thought to be the most direct route to the dilithium to discuss their plan of attack. As they anticipated, they'd gotten a fairly early start and the temperature on the surface had been comfortable while they were working on the first deposit. Janeway hoped they would be able to map this cavern quickly to minimize the amount of time anyone would have to be out in the open. It was bound to start to get hot on the surface pretty soon. But the first deposit had almost been too easy to find, so she was skeptical this one would cooperate. Her luck just didn't usually run that good twice in a row.

B'Elanna was standing several meters inside the entrance of the cave carefully studying the readings on her tricorder. "Captain, I think I've found the source of the electromagnetic interference."

Janeway moved closer to B'Elanna and looked over her shoulder at the tricorder readings. "Explain," she said simply.

B'Elanna then pointed to the roof of the cavern with her wrist beacon and immediately the roof came alive with color. A vein of highly luminescent rock ran through the area just beyond where they were standing and disappeared several meters down the tunnel. "That glowing rock you see seems to be the root of our problem. And according to these readings, its crystalline structure makes it extremely brittle. I'd suggest extreme caution wherever we have to work near it."

"Agreed," replied Janeway

Just then Tom arrived back from the Flyer and joined the group. "Okay people let's see if we can get this deposit mapped before it gets too hot on the surface. Same routine as last time. Seven, you're with me," said Janeway as she took charge and got them all moving again.

As Seven and the captain headed back to the surface, B'Elanna, Tom and Nick began to follow the tunnel farther underground. It wasn't long before they were having trouble coordinating their efforts with the team on the surface. Communications and tricorder readings were erratic at times. It seemed they were encountering a new vein of the luminescent rock at every turn.

* * *

B'Elanna was rapidly losing her patience. They had been working in this cave for about three hours now and had made very little progress. At one point she got so frustrated with her tricorder she raised it above her head with every intention of making it pay the price for being uncooperative.

"Hey!" Tom yelled as he grabbed her arm. "You wouldn't really want to hurt that poor defenseless tricorder would you?"

There was a distinctive growling sound to her voice as she replied. "I was considering it!" She wrenched her arm away from his grasp.

"I know this is frustrating, but we're going to make even less progress if you lose control."

B'Elanna looked away from him briefly and when she turned back he could clearly see she felt a little guilty. "I know, you're right. Sorry. I guess my patience is a still a little thin from all the quality time with Seven."

Tom grinned at her. "Understood. How about tossing some of that lousy rock next time you feel frustrated. The stuff falls apart so easy there are pieces of it all over the floor of the cave."

"Yeah, just not in my direction, okay?" Nick had been ahead of them exploring a branching tunnel and was just coming back to let them know what he'd found. "I'd hate to be anywhere near the path of a Torres launched missile."

"Welcome back Nick. I hope you found something. B'Elanna's about had it on this one." With that comment, B'Elanna shot Tom a look that would melt glass. Luckily Nick jumped right in.

"As a matter of fact, we're in luck. I managed to break through into an area of the cave where the interference was minimal and contacted Seven and the captain on the surface. We were able to triangulate our tricorder readings and have pinpointed the dilithium deposit. The captain feels the coordinates are accurate enough for a transporter lock. She asked me to tell you two that it's time for a break and she wants all of us to meet back at the shelter. She and Seven are headed there now."

"Sounds good to me, 'bout time we had a break. Ready B'Elanna?"

"Yes, I am. I've had enough of this cave. Let's hope the rest of them aren't as annoying."

As they headed to meet the captain and Seven, Tom muttered to himself, "Amen!"

* * *

When they exited the cave, they were immediately confronted with a wall of hot sweltering air. For a few seconds it was hard to breathe until they were able to adjust. The climate was so oppressive they instinctively quickened their pace and they arrived at the shelter in only a few minutes. As the group stepped inside they found Seven and the captain already seated around the table. Both of them looked as though they had been thrown in a sauna fully clothed and baked just a bit too long.

The best description that Tom could come up with in his mind for the two of them was wilted. "Captain, Seven, are you two okay?"

Janeway put down the water bottle she was greedily drinking from, "We'll be fine Tom, in case you hadn't noticed, it's just a bit hot out there."

Nick set his gear down and took a seat at the table as well. "We noticed as soon as we exited the cave. Why didn't you say something Captain? We could have taken turns topside so the two of you wouldn't have had to be out there so long."

Janeway swiped the back of her hand over her forehead to prevent the sweat from running into her eyes. "Thanks Nick, but I thought it best just to continue the way we were since we had finally started making progress. I didn't want to take the time to reshuffle everyone in the middle of the operation."

Tom had moved around behind Janeway and Seven and had quietly removed a medical tricorder from his pack. "Well, as the resident medical officer, I strongly recommend that you two don't try that again this afternoon. Looks to me like you've had enough for one day. No need to have either of you down with heat stroke."

The captain turned her head toward the sound of Tom's voice and immediately saw the tricorder in his hand. She turned back to the table shaking her head. "Thank you 'Doctor' Paris."

"Somebody has to look out for you. One of the first things the doctor told me when I started working with him was that I needed to keep an eye on the captain. He told me you are notorious for missing appointments and for pushing yourself too hard."

"Oh he did, did he?"

"As a matter of fact, yes he did. And let's just say I've been working with you long enough to know he's right. I don't mean to overstep my bounds here Captain, but you and Seven really shouldn't be back out there under those conditions." Looking at the tricorder still in his hand he continued, "Given these readings, it's too dangerous."

Janeway decided it was probably better to drop the subject. Tom was just looking out for them, as was his duty. And she wasn't sure she wanted to find out just what else the EMH might have told him in front of three other members of her crew. She quickly held up her hand to prevent him from continuing. When she spoke, she addressed him by his rank in order to drive her point home, "Okay Ensign, I think we've gone far enough on the subject of my medical history. And believe me I have no intention of spending any more time working on the surface unless I have to other than to traverse the distance to the caves. And I won't make any of the rest of you spend time out there in that heat either. Seven and I managed, but I think we've learned we need to change our strategy. Either we work completely at night when it's cooler, or we adopt a different approach."

Nick shyly re-entered the conversation. He felt slightly guilty that it had been his idea in the first place for someone to stay on the surface. "Captain, I have a suggestion."

"Go ahead Nick, what's on your mind?" she said, absently lifting her chin and placing the cool water bottle against her neck.

"I think we could spend most of our time underground and still accomplish a lot. If we map out as much as we can of the next few deposits, we can use the triangulation method we used this morning only when necessary. We could save that task for late or early in the day when things aren't so hot on the surface."

Seven had been listening to the conversation, but she had been unusually quiet, probably from the effects of the heat. Nick's suggestion brought her back to life. "I believe Ensign Wilkins' suggestion is the best way to proceed. We have enough information from our preliminary scans, and what we have learned this morning, to work without requiring anyone on the surface until we are unable to accurately locate the dilithium deposits by any other means."

"As much as I hate to admit it, I agree," said B'Elanna. "Our explorations from this morning have shown that some of the deposits will probably be fairly easy to locate and extract. We should go after as many of those as we can and save the others for later. If we're lucky, the ones we've already located will be large enough that we won't have to resort to sending anyone to the surface."

This sounded like the best approach to the captain as well. Although she would never admit it, the experience on the surface this morning had been extremely difficult. As if to remind her, another bead of sweat ran unceremoniously off the end of her nose. "Very well. We'll take a break for lunch. Then Tom can transport our second find to the holding area. After that we all head underground. We'll split into two teams and hold ourselves to two hours on any one deposit. If we encounter too much interference, and it cannot be easily pinpointed, map what you can, and we'll come back to it later. But only if we can't gather enough from easier locations."

* * *

The rest of the day went fairly well. They managed to investigate five more dilithium deposits. Three of them they were able to transport to the holding area. The other two proved to be too difficult to pin down during their initial investigations, so they logged them as back up supplies as needed.

By the time they headed back to the shelter for the night, they were all tired, hungry and covered with dust and dirt. But they all felt they had accomplished a lot. The day had even gone fairly smoothly until Seven and B'Elanna accidentally ended up on the same team with Nick. If either Tom or the captain had been with them, they would probably have been able to diffuse it before the bomb went off, but as it was, Nick didn't know either of them very well, so he had simply stayed out of the way and contacted the captain.

It started simply enough. They had come to an area that had two tunnels and they couldn't agree on which one would prove the most likely one to follow. The conversation disintegrated from there. The captain intervened by contacting them over the comm link and ordering Seven to join her and Tom in another cave.

The only other problem they encountered was in a cave that contained heavy deposits of the luminescent rock. Tom and the captain had just exited a passageway that had proven to be a dead end. Almost immediately after stepping into the main tunnel, they heard a thunderous roar and looked back to see the ceiling collapse from where they had come. It was a vivid reminder of just how hazardous this kind of work could be.

But now they were all looking forward to a much-deserved rest. Upon entering the shelter, everyone went their separate ways to get cleaned up before rejoining at the table for the evening meal. Once back together, there wasn't much of a conversation as they were all too tired for small talk.

They all had something to eat and as they were cleaning the table, Janeway noticed what time it was. "Nick, why don't you turn in and let me handle the communication with _Voyager_ tonight? I've got some things to do before I call it a night, and I need to speak with Commander Chakotay anyway."

"You sure Captain? I really don't mind."

"It's no problem at all. Go ahead and get some rest. Believe me, I won't be far behind."

"Okay, but if you need anything, just call."

She smiled at him and lightly slapped him on the shoulder. "I'll do that."

As Nick turned away and headed for his cot, Janeway thought that it was nice to get to know another member of her crew for a change. He was one of the younger members of the crew and seemed so eager to please. Even being stranded in the Delta Quadrant hadn't managed to dampen his enthusiasm for the job. It reminded her of her first assignments out of the academy. There was so much to see and do and learn. It all seemed to be one endless adventure back then. She hoped that he would be able to keep that sense of adventure for as long as possible.

She so rarely seemed to be able to spend any real time with anyone other than her senior staff. Although, now that she thought about it, most of the fault for that rested squarely on her own shoulders. While her normal duties generally kept her away from contact with anyone other than the bridge crew, she used to occasionally make informal rounds of the ship, and often attended social engagements in one of the holodecks or the mess hall. Somehow those activities seemed few and far between these days and her appearances even more infrequent.

She'd also been rationalizing her distance from the crew, convincing herself that they probably didn't really want to be around her; either they would be uncomfortable around her simply because she was the captain, or because of some of her behavior of late. She could not have been farther from the truth. In fact the crew drew much of its strength and identity from their captain. They wanted to have her around but she simply refused to acknowledge it because in her present state of mind it seemed to make sense to believe otherwise. It was definitely something else she would have to discuss with Chakotay when she got the chance.

She was brought out of her reverie by the sound of an incoming hail. "_Voyager_ to away team, come in please."

She moved to the communications terminal they had set up in the front of the shelter and activated the view screen. Chakotay was on the other end of the comm link. He was comfortably seated in his quarters and appeared much more rested than the last time she had seen him. "Well Commander, how's my ship?"

Her opening statement was a joke, a way to break the ice, and he knew it. He decided to tease her a little in return. "Good to see you too, Captain!"

She cocked her head and shook a finger at him. "That's what I love about you Chakotay, you always know when I'm having a little too much fun at your expense."

"Just don't make a habit of it, and especially not on the bridge."

"I'll keep that in mind. You look considerably better than the last time I saw you, things must have gone better today."

"As a matter of fact they did. We finished getting everything loaded to the cargo bay by the middle of the day. I think it actually went faster with Neelix out of the way."

Janeway looked troubled. "Are they still holding him?"

"No, no, everything's fine, we're already on our way to join you. They released Neelix as soon as we were ready to leave. They just refused to let him out ahead of time. It made my life easier at the time, but I have one very annoyed Talaxian on my hands at the moment. The only good thing is that now he has so many food supplies to play with, he's spending all his time in the mess hall."

"Then we can expect to see you in a couple of days?" she said, sounding almost anxious.

"Looks that way. Unless we decide to do some sight-seeing along the way." His smile reassured her that he was only joking. "So how are things on your end? No offense Captain, but you look a little like I must have last night." While he would have much preferred to use her given name as the conversation turned more personal, he refrained, as he wasn't sure who else might be in earshot. A standard issue Starfleet shelter was efficient, but not spacious. For all he knew, Tom Paris was sitting right next to her.

Janeway sighed and leaned back in her chair. "It was a long day, I've sent everyone off to bed for the night. But I'm very happy with what we accomplished. We have found about half the dilithium we wanted already and have extracted it to a holding area we set up. If all goes well, we should have the mining complete, and all of it sitting on the surface, waiting to be transported to _Voyager_ when you arrive."

It must have been the tone of her voice, because her words didn't betray her, but he thought there might be something else she wanted to say and wasn't. "Everything else okay down there?"

She smiled a weary smile at him and said, "Perceptive as ever Chakotay. There is something I'd like to discuss with you, but it's nothing that can't wait until this mission is over."

"You're sure?"

She could hear the concern in his voice. Looking directly at him to emphasize the point she replied. "Yes, I'm sure. I still owe you that dinner, remember? We can discuss it then."

"You're on, but I get to bring dessert. I'll surprise you."

"Deal. Anything else Chakotay?"

"No, not a thing. But a friend recently gave me some good advice so I'd like to return the favor. Get some rest. And put something on that sunburn. If you don't mind my saying so, you look a little singed."

That actually elicited a chuckle from her. "Oh, you know how it is, nice day at the beach and forget the sun protector… Actually, Seven and I took surface duty this morning and stayed out a little too long. The heat is brutal."

"Apparently so."

"Then I guess that's it for now. I'll talk to you again this time tomorrow."

"I'll look forward to it."

"Good night Chakotay."

Since she mentioned she had sent the rest of the team off to bed for the night, he risked calling her by name. "Pleasant dreams Kathryn. _Voyager_ out."

Janeway closed the comm link and shut down the terminal. In a long slow motion she stretched her arms out and up, lacing her fingers behind her head as she slid down and leaned back in her chair. It had indeed been a long and draining day. While this away mission was proving a much needed diversion, she would be happy to get back to _Voyager_ too. It had been home for almost six years now and she missed it when she was away for an extended period. This was now the longest posting she had ever had in her Starfleet career. And of course the mission hadn't exactly turned out as planned when they left Deep Space Nine.

Slowly she rose from the chair, stretched her aching muscles, and joined the rest of her team for a well deserved rest.

TBC


	7. Disaster Strikes

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 7: Disaster Strikes**

Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff.

Rating – K+

The away team started work bright and early in the morning and had been making good progress. But the tension evident between two members of the team on the way to the planet hadn't yet dissipated. B'Elanna and Seven had been antagonizing each other at every opportunity for hours now. Something had obviously set off the latest of their legendary disagreements and the captain had just about reached the limit of her patience. She could hear them somewhere down the tunnel in front of her and she was now on her way to reprimand them for what seemed like the millionth time today.

As she walked in their direction, she noticed that this tunnel was heavily pocketed with large deposits of the unstable luminescent rock they had encountered since arriving on the planet. The stuff was fairly easy to recognize, even in the dimmest light at the extreme limits of her wrist beacon. It had a distinctive texture compared to the surrounding rock and it had the bright luminescent glow they had grown accustomed to.

She became a bit concerned that the other two women had strayed so far into this particular tunnel without taking the precautions against a cave-in that they had discussed this morning before getting started. Tom and the captain's close call the day before required that they all be more vigilant. Whatever this particular disagreement was about, it was obviously proving far too much of a distraction.

She approached them cautiously, keeping an eye on the vein of rock as it traveled from an area near the floor of the tunnel to rise to high above their heads. When she finally reached them, she immediately went into command mode to get their attention, but not without a hint of humor. "Ladies, cease and desist this instant!" she commanded. It had the desired effect as both B'Elanna and Seven turned and faced her. Both of them had the look of a cat getting caught with the proverbial canary in its mouth. In a way it was almost like a mother catching her two teenage daughters squabbling.

Seeing she had their attention, she walked farther down the tunnel, turned around to face them, and pointing toward the vein of rock above them as she began her reprimand. "Apparently, you two have been so engrossed in your disagreement that you managed to ignore the safety protocols we discussed this morning. Have you noticed where you happen to be standing?"

The two younger women followed Janeway's gesture and immediately recognized their error. "I apologize Captain, I will endeavor to avoid such errors of judgment in the future," said Seven in reply.

Janeway responded with, "Well, that's a good start Seven, but right now I think we had best leave this part of the cave as soon as possible. We can continue this elsewhere. Besides, I think it's time for a break." She looked toward B'Elanna who nodded in agreement and they headed back in the direction they had come with Janeway bringing up the rear to keep an eye on the two of them.

They had almost reached the area where the vein of unstable rock headed back toward the floor when Janeway heard something she recognized instantly and wished she hadn't. It was the same characteristic rumbling that they'd encountered during the previous cave-in. She could see the rock in the roof above them begin to give way and she sprang into action, her only concern being the safety of the two women with her.

Taking a running start and then launching herself toward an apparently unaware B'Elanna and Seven, she knocked both of them farther up the tunnel. She had only managed to push them a few meters but it was enough. They were now in an area where the vein ran lower in the wall and the crumbling rock couldn't strike them from above. Unfortunately, the effort made her lose her footing and she fell backwards to the ground. She immediately tried to get to her feet to get out of the way herself, but she was having difficulty getting a firm foothold on the loose gravel and sand piling rapidly on the floor. The clear area seemed agonizingly close, but somehow she knew she wasn't going to make it.

Startled by the sudden shove from behind, B'Elanna and Seven had stumbled several meters up the tunnel. Wondering what was happening they turned abruptly and saw their captain attempting to regain her footing just as the roof above her let go completely and came crashing down with a thunderous bang and a billowing cloud of dust that instantly made it difficult to breath. They watched in horror as Janeway vanished before their eyes.

In the same instant Janeway knew she was in deep trouble, but as she watched the other women turn toward her, she was satisfied that at least they seemed largely safe. As they disappeared in the billowing dust, she quickly became disoriented. Her thoughts finally turned to her own safety in that instant and she began to scramble on her hands and knees in an attempt to move herself away from the worst of the collapse. Within seconds she felt a few smaller rocks strike her head and shoulders and then something much larger made contact with her head and her world went completely black.

--

B'Elanna and Seven watched their captain disappear and then plastered themselves against the side of the tunnel in an attempt to avoid the worst of the cave-in. The roar of the roof letting go and crashing to the floor was incredible and they immediately began coughing from the heavy dust-filled air. Both of them clamped their hands over their mouths and noses as much as possible and closed their eyes against the stinging particles of dirt and rock that were flying everywhere.

They waited for what seemed like an eternity until there was only the sound of sand and small pebbles falling from above. Believing it to be as safe as it would get, they slowly turned to face the direction from which they had come - and where the captain had disappeared - to assess their situation.

The wrist beacons they wore gave off an eerie light in the still dust filled air. When it had settled enough for them to see anything at all, what they did see was terrifying. While there was only a small pile of rubble around their feet, there was a virtual mountain of rock piled from where they had come. The roof of the tunnel had been approximately five meters high in this section and it was now completely filled by rock that had fallen from above. Captain Janeway was beneath that rubble or beyond it somewhere, either trapped, injured or both. Neither of them would entertain the thought that she was beyond help, at least not yet. They were a long way from that, but where to start?

B'Elanna tried tapping her comm badge. "Torres to Janeway!" she exclaimed. Her only response was silence. She tried again, "Torres to Captain Janeway, please respond!" and still there was no answer. While B'Elanna continued to try to contact Janeway, Seven headed for the surface to summon Tom and Nick for help. The two men had been working on transporting out the teams' last dilithium cache to the holding area. She knew they would need them, and some of the equipment from the Flyer, if they were to mount a rescue.

It took her no more than a few minutes to reach the surface and only a few more minutes to reach the camp, but it felt like hours. She found Nick immediately as he was working in the holding area.

As she reached him, breathless and covered with dust, he knew there was something terribly wrong. He grabbed her by the arms to steady her and then reached for a bottle of water. Seven gulped the water gratefully. She hadn't realized just how much dust she'd inhaled until she tried to speak. Once she felt she had cleared her throat, she began to tell him what had transpired in the tunnel. "Ensign Wilkins, there has been a cave-in and Captain Janeway is trapped. Lieutenant Torres and I will need your help, as well as that of Ensign Paris, if we hope to reach her. Please assist me in gathering some of the equipment we may need."

Together they began rummaging around the shelter. They quickly gathered what they needed, including an emergency medical kit, and headed for the door of the shelter. As they exited they ran headlong into Tom who was returning to get Nick after shutting down the Delta Flyer from the dilithium transport they'd just completed.

"Hey, where's the fire?" Tom exclaimed as they collided just outside the shelter door.

Nick answered, "The captain's in trouble Tom! We need to get down to the tunnel!"

They turned in unison and ran as fast as their legs would carry them toward the tunnel Seven indicated. They descended into the darkness and clicked on their wrist beacons. They'd only traveled a short time when they saw the glow of another light ahead of them. It was B'Elanna. She was easily as grimy as Seven and was pacing back and forth in front of a huge pile of rock with a troubled expression on her face. They could hear her trying to raise the captain over her comm badge as they approached.

The new arrivals quickly realized the gravity of the situation. The captain was nowhere in sight and the pile of rock before them looked daunting. Tom prayed that Captain Janeway wasn't directly beneath it. If she was, he was certain she could not have survived. Oddly, the next thought that came to his mind was that Chakotay was going to be really upset about this.

--

"First Officer's log supplemental: We are still in transit to rendezvous with the captain's away team and have been since yesterday afternoon. The crew seems happy that our food supplies have been replenished and Neelix has finally gotten over his episode with the Vellnorians; at least I think he has. I'm looking forward to an uneventful couple of days. I only hope the same can be said of the captain's efforts on the planet. If all goes well, we should arrive at their location in approximately forty eight hours."

--

Seven and Nick quickly began discussing options on how to approach their problem while Tom approached B'Elanna. The look he saw on her face told him all he needed to know about her state of mind and he reached out and pulled her into his arms. She was tense at first but slowly melted into the comfort of his embrace.

She sobbed into Tom's chest, "Oh Tom, it was awful. Seven and I were arguing and we weren't paying attention to where we were. The captain showed up to reprimand us and we were headed to a safer location when the whole place started to come down around us. Before Seven and I knew what was happening, the captain pushed us clear but wasn't able to make it out far enough herself. I hope she's ok! I'll never forgive myself if we don't get her back in one piece."

Tom didn't know what to say. The thought of the captain dead under that pile of rock was almost too much to think about, although the idea that she was alive, but possibly badly injured and they couldn't get to her wasn't much better. He quickly asked B'Elanna if she had been able to raise the captain at all over the comm line.

"No I haven't. I've been trying ever since it happened but no luck so far. All this lousy rock is probably distorting the signal."

Then Tom had an idea, "Let's see if I can get a reading on her comm badge with the tricorder. That will at least tell us if her badge is functioning."

Picking up the tricorder from the medical kit, he attempted to get a lock on the captain's comm badge. He hoped this would work. She was missing behind a pile of the same rock that had been causing them scanning and communications problems for two days. It took a few seconds to register, but they were all ecstatic to see the display eventually flicker to life. Tom studied the readings carefully and turned to tell the others his findings.

"Well, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that the comm badge seems to be functioning," he said and then abruptly paused, making more than one of his companions impatient.

B'Elanna urged him to continue, "And the bad news?"

Tom pulled his eyes away from the display to look at her. "Well, with a medical tricorder I should be able to pick up her vital signs, you know, pulse, blood pressure, body temperature. I'm not registering anything accept a temperature at the moment, and that temperature is far too low to be from the captain." And since he knew they would ask he added, "Even if she were no longer alive. It hasn't been that long since the cave-in."

B'Elanna spoke what everyone was already thinking in response to Tom's rather grim pronouncement. "So we still don't know if she's alive since her comm badge has been knocked loose and we can't even attempt a beam out because we can't get a lock on her."

"That's it in a nutshell," replied Tom

Seven took the opportunity during the awkward silence that followed to speak up. "Ensign Wilkins and I have evaluated our options. We believe that we should split into two teams. One team should begin to remove the rubble from the approximate area we last saw her and where Ensign Paris has located her comm signal. That team will need to dig by hand as using a phaser could be extremely hazardous. The other team should attempt to loosen the rubble on the far side of the rock fall at the top of the pile. There it would be safe to use a phaser and it would allow someone to cross to the other side."

Tom chimed in, "Sounds like a plan, let's get started. Seven, you and Nick take the upper level. B'Elanna and I will work down here, and we'll keep trying to raise the captain over the comm every couple of minutes. Let's get to work. We've got a lot of rock to move!"

TBC


	8. Found

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 8: Found**

Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff.

Rating – K+

Kathryn Janeway tried to fight her way through the thick fog that had settled in her brain. She really would rather sleep, but something told her she needed to wake up. As she forced herself to semi-consciousness, she awoke to the world with an absolutely splitting headache. Moving her right hand slowly to her temple in an attempt to massage the pain away she discovered that she had a large and very tender welt on her forehead and her hair was matted with something warm and slightly sticky - blood.

The next thing she became aware of was how very dark it was in here; and since she was on that subject, where the heck was here anyway? Then it all came flooding back. She remembered who and where she was, and what had happened, and became instantly aware of her predicament, followed rapidly by a keen awareness of the pain. It seemed as though it came from everywhere at the same time, and as intense as anything she had ever experienced. Moaning loudly in spite of herself she began looking for something to focus her attention on to take her mind off of the pain or it would overwhelm her. Maybe if she could get her wrist beacon going she could better assess her situation.

She was still finding it difficult to concentrate on anything, so it took her a minute or two to decide on a next step. Why couldn't she think clearly? She determined she must have a concussion. She knew she had to try to keep herself alert, but also knew that would probably be difficult given the way she felt at the moment; but wasn't she trying to do something? Oh yeah, light.

Janeway knew that she was lying on the floor of the tunnel, almost face down, and she could feel the fingers of her left hand against the side of her head. She attempted to try to move her hands toward each other in front of her thinking this was probably the only way she could possibly reach the beacon that was located on her left wrist. If she could manage to get her hands together, maybe she could get the beacon working again. In doing so she discovered, and quite painfully, that she had also injured her left shoulder. She simply couldn't move that arm in the direction she wanted to, and the more she tried the more discomfort she caused herself, although at this point, discomfort seemed a highly subjective and somewhat insufficient term.

"So much for that idea," she actually said out loud as she blew out several short breaths against the pain. Her voice sounded odd to her in the echoing darkness, but it was good to hear something. The world around her was very dark and very quiet and extremely disconcerting.

She again put some thought to how to reach the beacon on her left wrist. Even though the left hand and arm wouldn't cooperate, maybe she could move her right hand to it by reaching around or under her head. If she could raise her head up a few centimeters, that just might work.

First she rolled her head enough to rest its weight on her chin, the discomfort of that simple movement so intense she had to stop and rest before she attempted the next step. Fighting to remain conscious in the face of her distress, she breathed as hard as she could through clenched teeth and wiggled her right hand in front of her face toward her useless left arm and hand. This was proving tougher than she thought, but she was almost there and she determined not to give up just yet. One more stretch ought to do it.

The effort cost her dearly, but she managed to reach the beacon. Feeling around she discovered the case had been damaged badly. A rock, or possibly several, must have fallen on it. One of the lights was beyond repair, completely crushed. The other light seemed to be largely intact, but wouldn't come on. She checked the switch and found it to be in the proper position. Maybe she needed to adjust the bulb. Checking the second bulb she realized it was loose. She tightened the connection and all at once she had light. It flickered a little, but stayed on. At first it was somewhat blinding after so long in the pitch darkness, but she quickly adjusted and considered it a victory.

The view that greeted her was by no means comforting. She could catch glimpses of the walls and ceiling of the tunnel through the still settling dust, the fallen rock casting eerie shadows in the strong, directed beam of the wrist beacon. Now she could rest for a while. It was so hard to catch her breath and the fight against the pain and the lack of oxygen were wearing her down. She slid her right arm back enough that she could comfortably rest her head upon it, closed her eyes, and within seconds, her brain shut down on her again.

--

Tom and B'Elanna had been digging for quite a while and seemed to be getting nowhere. The more rock they pulled from the pile, the more seemed to stand in their way. Seven and Nick appeared to have made more progress, but were required to go slowly as they had to shore up their new tunnel as they went; otherwise they risked another cave-in. Tom checked his chronometer and realized they had been at it for several hours. "Okay people, time to take a break."

Nick was grateful. He needed a rest, but wasn't going to be the first one to suggest it. The two women looked determined not to stop for anything so Tom tried again, "Look, I know how badly we all want to find the captain, but we'll be of no use to her at all if we don't pace ourselves. Let's take a quick rest and re-group."

Seven and B'Elanna recognized the logic in his statement and reluctantly stopped the digging effort. All four of them climbed down off the pile and found a small area back toward the front of the tunnel where they could sit down. As they sat and opened water bottles and ration packs, the silence seemed strange. This would normally be a fairly talkative group, even if it were only because Seven and B'Elanna sparring with each other. Nevertheless the seriousness of their situation, or more accurately the captain's situation, was weighing heavily on all of them.

B'Elanna in particular was thinking how distant Janeway had seemed at times lately. She'd been obsessed during the episode with Captain Ransom and the _Equinox_, more so than anyone had ever seen her. It had concerned all of them. They had followed orders of course, and they all trusted Chakotay and Tuvok to handle the situation if needed, but the whole experience had left many of the crew a little uncomfortable around their captain for a while.

All of the senior staff had had enough experiences with their captain to know her quite well. For her part, B'Elanna greatly respected Janeway, even thought of her as a mother-figure in a way, but she was also aware of the fact that she was very human. Though rare, Janeway occasionally misjudged a situation or made an unpopular decision, but she was never unfair and they were all keenly aware how much she personally cared for each member of her crew. If she did something they disagreed with once in a while, they could live with it; they all knew her heart was in the right place.

The fact of the matter was that Janeway had made damn few mistakes for them to have survived this long with everything they had faced so far and the vast majority of the crew knew without a doubt that she would see them home - it was just a matter of time. They just wished she could get beyond whatever it was that was bothering her and realize that she didn't have to keep herself so distant, it would also go a long way toward solidly reaffirming their trust and respect. B'Elanna determined that if they managed to get her back she was going to have a long chat with their captain.

B'Elanna's gaze was once again drawn to the pile of rock that stood between them and their captain knowing that getting her back in one piece was considerably less than certain. She was trapped somewhere under that damned pile and none of them knew whether she was alive or dead and it was eating away at all of them.

Nick finally broke the silence, "Tom, I think I should head for the shuttle. We'll have to check in with _Voyager_ fairly soon, and someone should probably replenish our food and water supplies down here - we may be at it a while."

"Good idea. We'll keep at it here; you go handle the communication with _Voyager_." Tom was inwardly very relieved that Nick had volunteered to contact the ship. He wasn't looking forward to that particular conversation. As the ranking officer still available on the team, B'Elanna should probably be the one to tell Chakotay, but Tom knew without a doubt that she would never leave the digging effort without being physically forced, and none of them would be willing to try that trick. Besides, in a situation like this protocol be damned.

Nick rose in silence and headed back toward their camp.

Once they had finished their meager meal and had rested for no more than a few minutes, Seven determined it was time to get back to work. She silently rose and headed back to the pile, closely followed by the other two members of the team. She had been uncharacteristically silent during their entire effort and B'Elanna suspected that Seven was probably struggling with the same feelings she was, albeit in her own way.

--

Nick reached the shuttle a little out of breath from running most of the way. He'd made it just in time for the regularly scheduled communication with _Voyager_.

"_Voyager_ to Delta Flyer, come in please."

He was still breathing heavily when he returned the hail, "Ensign Wilkins here _Voyager_, I read you, go ahead." He decided he would stall for a minute or two to catch his breath, and sort out how he was going to tell them what was going on. Before he knew it Harry replied, "Hi Nick, this is Harry, looks like it's that time again. Anything new to report?"

"As a matter of fact there is Harry. You'd better get the commander."

Nick's tone told him very clearly that something was wrong. "Nick, are you okay, you sound out of breath?"

"I'm fine Harry, I've just been running, and I'm serious, please get Commander Chakotay for me right away."

Chakotay was in the ready room reading over reports when he received the hail. "Commander Chakotay to the bridge."

"On my way."

He got up from his seat near the view port, stretching as he did so. He hadn't realized how long he'd been sitting in one spot going over reports and he'd gotten stiff from doing so. He slowly made his way down from the upper level, through the ready room and onto the bridge. He was immediately able to detect that something was wrong. Everyone seemed to be tense. "Harry, what is it?"

"It's Ensign Wilkins sir, I just contacted him as part of our normal check-in procedure and he insists on speaking with you."

"Okay, open the channel. Ensign, this is Commander Chakotay, what can I do for you?"

Nick was suddenly ten times more nervous than he had been a second before, but he had to get through this. "Commander, there's been an accident?"

Everyone on the bridge stopped what they were doing and listened.

"What kind of accident, is anyone hurt?"

"There's been a cave-in in one of the tunnels. The rest of us are fine, but Captain Janeway is missing."

Chakotay took a deep breath, stepping closer to the ops station, "What do you mean missing, Ensign? Tell me what happened. Slowly!"

"Well sir, Seven and B'Elanna were exploring a tunnel for dilithium deposits. They accidentally ended up in a section of the tunnel with some unstable rock overhead. The captain apparently realized their mistake and was in the process of moving them to safer ground when the ceiling started to come down on top of them. She managed to push Seven and B'Elanna out of the way, but didn't make it out herself."

Chakotay wasn't sure he wanted to continue this conversation but he went on, "And?"

Nick took a breath and continued, "We have been unable to locate her, we don't know if she is trapped under the cave-in or beyond it and we've been unable to raise her over her comm badge. Tom has tried to get information on her condition by linking to her comm badge with a tricorder with no luck. He thinks that it must have been knocked loose or damaged during the collapse."

Chakotay could feel his heart pounding in his chest. That nagging feeling from the beginning of the mission had proven itself out. Something had gone terribly wrong and they were too far away to be of any real help; a fact that might cost Kathryn her life.

"Commander, are you there?"

Chakotay ran his hand through his hair. "How long ago did this happen?"

"Several hours. We've been digging ever since it happened. If you don't mind sir, now that I've brought you up to date, I really think I should get back and help."

"By all means Ensign get back to work, but I want regular updates. We'll do what we can to get to you as soon as possible. In the mean time, I'll inform the doctor to be on standby."

"Aye sir. Wilkins out"

Chakotay looked slowly around at the faces of the bridge crew. They all looked to be as stunned as he was, including Tuvok. This was going to be difficult; knowing that they were needed, but not being able to be there to help. "Tuvok, Harry, I want suggestions on what we can do to cut down our travel time. I'll listen to anything you come up with. I'll be in the captain's ready room if you need me."

He quickly exited the bridge before his expression and body language could give any indicated of his level of unease. Kathryn was in trouble, real trouble. He couldn't imagine what life on _Voyager_ would be like without its captain. He knew better than anyone what she meant to this crew, including what she meant to him, regardless of their occasional differences of opinion. He returned to the seat near the view port that he had occupied only a few minutes before, took a deep breath, and prayed that the patented Janeway luck would hold and everything would work out in the end. Then he shook off is melancholy, and began working his mind around ways they could get _Voyager_ to her captain as fast as possible.

Nick headed back to the tunnel. The conversation with Chakotay had been difficult to say the least. He was sure that everyone on the bridge could pick up on the concern in the commander's voice once the full extent of the situation on the planet was known. He only wished they had found her before he had contacted the ship. Specific news, even if it had been bad, would have been easier to deal with than this guessing game.

He ran as fast as he could and within a few minutes he was back in the tunnel approaching the rest of the team.

Tom saw him first. "Well, how'd it go?"

"About as well as you'd think. Commander Chakotay sounded really worried. He wants regular updates as soon as we know anything new. He's going to see if they can't speed things up and try to meet us sooner. If it was up to him, I think he'd get out and push if he thought it would help. I suggest we get back to work. I would rather have something good to tell him next time."

--

B'Elanna took a short rest to catch her breath and realized with some concern that it had been a long time since anyone had tried to hail the captain. It had been hours with no response and they had simply stopped trying as often without realizing it. "Torres to Captain Janeway. Captain can you hear me. Torres to the captain, please respond…"

Did she really hear a voice? Janeway wasn't sure. She knew she had been unconscious again, but had no idea how long it had been - and she was cold, very cold. She was shivering slightly and it only increased the discomfort from her injuries. Then she heard it again, from somewhere to the right and slightly past her head. There was some static in the signal, but she recognized someone calling her name. It must be her comm badge, someone was hailing her. If she could reach the badge, she could let them know where she was, and that she was still with the living, at least for the moment.

B'Elanna had signaled for several minutes and then given up again and gone back to digging. It was habit at this point, but none of them was willing to stop until they knew for certain what Janeway's situation was, good or bad.

As a result, she was slow to react when her comm badge suddenly chirped to life. The connection was plagued with interference from the nearby rock, but it was good enough. A soft, strained voice on the other end of the connection whispered her name, coughed, and fell silent. She almost missed it.

"Torres to Janeway, is that you Captain?"

"Yes... Lieutenant..."

They all stopped what they were doing and stood in utter shock. She was alive. So long not knowing, and now, suddenly, proof that she was alive.

Tom immediately took over the communication, "Captain, it's good to hear your voice. Tell me, what's your condition?" There was no response at first. So he tried again, "Captain?"

"I can't move much... " she coughed again and then gasped in obvious pain.

"Can you give me any specifics? How do you feel?"

Janeway was slow to respond, but she finally came back on line. "I know my head's bleeding..."

Tom noted that her voice was weak and she sounded breathless, "What else?"

"My left arm… is useless… my chest hurts… it's hard to breathe."

Tom immediately thought to himself that if she passed out again she might drop her comm badge and he wouldn't be able to monitor her condition. "Captain, can you place your comm badge back on your jacket. Anywhere you can reach on your chest is fine. I want to be able to read your vital signs."

"I'll try."

They all heard her struggle with the movement. They could hear her raspy breathing, and even though she wasn't saying a word, she had them all listening intently. They were becoming extremely concerned. She was alive, but she seemed badly hurt.

"Tom?"

"Yes Captain."

"Check your tricorder."

Tom pulled his tricorder from his belt and opened it quickly. The display sprang to life and he was immediately able to see that she had been successful. In spite of the interference, he was getting fairly clear readings on her current condition and he wasn't happy with what he saw. Everything, pulse, blood pressure, temperature, was nowhere near normal. He was fairly certain she was going hypothermic in the cool environment of the cave, and given these readings, she'd lost a good deal of blood as well, whether internal or external he had no way of knowing at this point. That, and the fact that she had mentioned the head injury, had him worried. Her respiration was erratic to boot, but he couldn't tell what was causing the problem.

Nick looked at Tom and asked, "So Doc, what's the verdict?"

Tom shook his head, made sure the comm line was closed temporarily, and looked at the rest of the team. "It doesn't look good. I can't tell the full extent of her injuries, but her vital signs indicate she's not doing well. Given these readings, I'm amazed she's able to communicate with us at all."

If Seven was capable of being shocked, Tom was pretty sure that was the reaction he saw flash across her face. B'Elanna and Nick didn't look any better. B'Elanna spoke first, "So what do we do?"

Tom replied, "I've got an idea." Re-opening the comm line he inquired, "Captain, you still with us?"

They all could swear they heard her chuckle quietly, "I'm still here… Trying to get rid of me?"

Nice to know that her sense of humor was still intact, she was likely to need it before this was over.

"Can you see anything where you are?"

"Some… managed to get… beacon working… when was that…"

Tom knew how hard it must be for her to focus on anything for very long. She had a head injury and wasn't breathing well. Just one of those problems could cause a person to become disoriented. Hell, his mind wandered all the time with no good excuse. He tried to pull her back to the matter at hand, "Captain, I may be able to beam to your location if I can get a clear picture of what is on the other side of this pile. I know we've had some trouble with getting clear positions for the transporters near this rock, but I think we can risk it enough to get me over there to help you."

She knew what he was asking and wasn't sure she had the energy. But she also knew she needed help, and soon, and this might be the only chance she had. "Give me a minute..."

For the first time, Janeway really took a good look at her surroundings. She couldn't move the light much as it was strapped to her damaged left arm, but there was enough light from the flickering beacon, and the luminescence of the rock, for her to make out some detail. It appeared she was lying near the back edge of the cave-in. Good thing too or she would more than likely not be alive right now. She reached behind her back with her right arm and immediately encountered something solid. So that was the problem. There seemed to be at least one heavy boulder, as well as a good deal of loose rubble, resting on her left side, pinning her to the floor. She had no idea the situation with her legs, she couldn't consciously remember feeling them since the cave-in.

She turned her head and could see the light fading as it receded toward the far end of the tunnel. Just the information Tom was looking for. No more than three meters away from her, the tunnel was clear of debris and there was a decided lack of luminescence.

"Janeway to Paris."

"Go ahead."

She took as deep a breath as possible so she could get all the words out, "The tunnel seems clear in front of me… Get a fix on my comm signal… add three meters along the line of the tunnel." The effort gave Tom what he needed, but it only served to exhaust her.

"Aye, aye! I'll be right there."

"Be careful… And hurry... I'm not sure I'll be able to help you anymore... Vision's getting blurry… and I can't concentrate…" She was starting to lose her train of thought again, and the pain was coming in intense waves. She was fighting it for all she was worth, but increasingly it seemed like a losing battle.

"Aye Captain."

It was obvious they needed to act fast. Janeway had a much better chance of survival if they could pull this off. Otherwise, she'd have to wait until they could finish digging her out, and Tom was pretty sure she didn't have that much time.

TBC


	9. Good News and Bad News

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 9: Good News and Bad News**

Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff.

Rating – K+

B'Elanna was reluctant to leave but she knew someone needed to return to the Flyer and operate the transporter and she was the most logical choice. They would also have to position someone near the mouth of the cave to confidently relay any communications to the surface due to the interference; Nick was chosen for that chore. All of them would have to pull together if this was going to work.

Seven stood with a tricorder near the pile of rubble with Tom only a few feet away. He carried a pack containing medical supplies, water, and a few blankets. Nick was positioned nearby and would receive the coordinates from Seven and then move to the entrance of the tunnel in order to relay them to B'Elanna in the Flyer. B'Elanna would then have to execute the transport without actually having a lock on Tom. It would be tricky to say the least.

"Ensign Wilkins, please convey the following coordinates to Lieutenant Torres."

As Seven rattled off the data, Nick recorded everything to a PADD; it was a little added insurance to prevent any mistakes by trying to rely on memory. He recited the information back to Seven, who acknowledged its accuracy, then he scurried to the surface and hailed B'Elanna.

"Wilkins to Torres, I've got the coordinates."

"Go ahead."

B'Elanna entered them into the console in front of her. "Keep your fingers crossed," she muttered to herself. "Here goes."

Back in the tunnel, Seven watched as Tom started to shimmer out of existence. Several seconds went by during which they all held their breath. Finally her curiosity got the better of her and she initiated a hail, "Seven of Nine to Ensign Paris. What is your status?"

The comm line came to life, "Sorry Seven, it was pitch dark in here and I had to get my bearings. I've just switched on my beacon and I'm searching for the captain. Let B'Elanna know the transport was successful."

Seven relayed the message to B'Elanna via Nick, and both of them headed back into the tunnel as quickly as they could, grateful for another small victory in this battle.

Tom was briefly disoriented when he materialized in the lower portion of the tunnel as there was no light at all. He found that odd as he was certain the captain had been able to see with her beacon only moments before; her lamp must have given out. When he turned on his own beacon and peered through the eerie brightness it cast in the dust laden gloom, he found himself facing toward the rear of the tunnel. He turned slowly in order to get his bearings while shining the light back and forth in front of him in order to spot the back of the rock pile. When the light finally settled on the massive pile of rock, he began to pick his way toward it through the rubble on the floor.

As he went he began to sweep his light over the lower sections of the pile searching for any sign of the captain. After several minutes of searching, he thought he caught a glimpse of red behind a small mound of rubble. Looking closer he recognized it as material from the shoulders of Janeway's uniform, but it was hard to make out much else. Being careful not to fall over the smaller debris littering the tunnel floor, he hurried as fast as he could in the direction of the flash of color.

The closer he got, the more he could make out, and the less he liked the view. It was indeed their captain, lying face down over a mass of small stones and dirt, barely recognizable under the debris that had fallen on her. She was actually facing away from the collapse leaving her head and shoulders largely uncovered. It had probably saved her life. However, her lower back, hips and legs were almost completely buried under fallen rock.

Moving as rapidly as he could through the remaining distance that separated them, he slid to the ground beside her and reached out to carefully press his fingers against her neck. Her skin was cool to the touch, but he found a pulse. He breathed a sigh of relief as he rolled his eyes upward to thank whatever gods looked over starship captains. He activated his comm badge, "Paris to Seven."

"Yes, Ensign."

"I've located Captain Janeway. I'll contact you again in a few minutes when I have a better idea how's she's doing and what we'll need to do to get her out of here. In the mean time, keep digging."

"Acknowledged."

B'Elanna and Nick had just returned and both also heard Tom's transmission. Without delay they all went to work digging at the top of the pile and picked up the pace, knowing that there was no need to search anymore, only to get to the other side in the shortest time possible.

---

Tom shrugged the pack from his shoulders and began pulling out some of the equipment he'd brought with him. First he set out some extra lights to allow him to work without having to use his wrist beacon. Once the lighting was firmly in place, he moved back alongside Janeway and took a good close look at her for the first time.

It was hard to see much of anything under all the dust, but as he reached down to gently brush her hair from her face he noticed a good deal of dried blood and a pronounced lump on her head. A falling rock had struck her hard enough to cause her concussion and open a fairly significant gash from above her hairline to just below her right eyebrow. Judging by the blood in her hair and on her face, it had bled quite a lot, though now it had largely subsided. He couldn't tell at first whether or not her eye was affected, there was too much blood and dirt, and over the time she'd been trapped, the skin around the wound had become very swollen, not to mention several shades of black and blue.

He picked up his tricorder and scanned her head carefully. Luckily it indicated that her eye was fine. Now he had to make sure she didn't have a skull fracture as well. The readings came back in her favor this time too, no fracture.

He then made a quick visual assessment with his beacon, specifically searching for more signs of bleeding. At first nothing was noticeable, but when he moved the light back toward her head and shoulders he caught a glimpse of a different shade of red permeating the left shoulder of her uniform. Upon closer examination, he discovered she had another angry looking gash and a fracture to her left collarbone. Unlike her head wound, this was still steadily oozing blood.

Reaching into the medkit he extracted a small knife and a tissue regenerator. He carefully dug away some of the dirt she was lying on to gain better access to her shoulder then gently cut her uniform open enough to examine the injury more closely. Her position made it difficult at best to treat this injury properly, so he determined it would be good enough to stop the bleeding for now. He could do more when they got her out of here.

Next he set about removing as much of the loose rock that had fallen on her as possible so he could assess any other injuries. As he dug he noticed that her lower body was twisted and pinned at an awkward angle with a large flat rock resting against her left side and partially onto her back. He could tell just by the size of the thing that he wasn't going to move it alone. Finding no other obvious injuries, he quickly pulled the tricorder from his belt and ran it along as much of her body as he could get to. Taking a quick inventory of the readout, he frowned, shook his head, and put the tricorder away and went to work again.

His next priority became her head wound. He wanted to stop the rest of the bleeding and see if he could revive her at all. Although he knew it would probably be difficult given her condition, the more he could keep her awake, the better off she'd be, and the more information she could provide him about her condition, particularly those injuries he wasn't able to see.

Reaching into his pack again, he quickly loaded a hypospray and pressed it to her neck. He then removed a water bottle and some gauze and began cleaning her head. This time at his touch she moaned softly. 'Good. She's coming around,' he thought.

He cleaned her up as best he could and closed the wound quickly with the regenerator, enough to prevent further bleeding. The EMH back on _Voyager_ would have to worry about the cosmetics. As with her shoulder, Tom knew he had more important things to worry about right at the moment.

"Ohhhh..." Janeway moaned again, and this time, realized she wasn't alone. "Tom?" She tried to lift her head slightly to look toward him but the light he had placed near her sent a searing pain through her head the moment she attempted to open her good eye.

Seeing her distress, he leaned forward so his body could shield her from the brightest of the glare. "Sure is Captain! How are you feeling?"

Her voice was just above a whisper, and he had to lean in farther to hear her. It must be getting even harder for her to breathe. "Lousy… What the hell... is on my back?"

"Well Captain, looks like one really big hunk of rock. Here, drink some of this." He reached the water bottle over to her lips and let a few drops trickle into her mouth. He couldn't let her have too much to drink until he was able to assess her other injuries but at least she could moisten her parched mouth and lips.

The water seemed to help, as her voice was a bit stronger when she next tried to speak, "B'Elanna and Seven?"

"Just fine. Not a scratch thanks to you. Can you move your legs at all?"

She concentrated on moving her feet, but couldn't feel them much less make them move. He was already beginning to scan her with the tricorder again when she spoke. "No… can't feel anything… below my waist… What's my condition?"

"You really want to know?"

"Yes... I do," she said with a small but obviously painful cough.

Trying to hide his fear and concern for her condition by attempting a professional facade, he began reading her the results of his scan. "Captain, you have a severe concussion, a broken left collarbone, several broken ribs and a broken pelvis on your left side." He specifically used the word broken despite the fact that the tricorder indicated that crushed was probably a better description for some of them. He swallowed and continued quickly before she picked up on his hesitation. "You also appear to have some internal bleeding, but at this point I can't clearly identify how bad it is or what's causing it. And it looks as though the cause of your lack of feeling below the waist is pressure against your spinal column from our friendly rock here. While I can't find any fractures to the bones in your back, there is a strong possibility of a spinal cord injury." He hesitated a moment to gauge her reaction.

She responded quietly, "Oh… is that all…"

"That's pretty much it, other than your basic cuts and bruises." He flashed a quick smile hoping to lighten the mood.

As terrible as she felt, she actually laughed a little at his abrupt change in tone and his equally ludicrous expression. "God Tom… don't make me laugh…" She took a moment to catch her breath and compose herself then said, "So... what now?"

"We get you out of here is what, and as soon as possible. I won't lie to you Captain, your injuries are very serious. I'll only be able to do so much with the supplies we have. I won't even be able to know for sure what we're up against with your internal injuries until we get you out from under this rock. What we really need is to get you back to _Voyager_ and into the care of the EMH. What do you say from here on out you just concentrate on saving your strength and let me worry about everything else, okay?"

She rested her head back down on the ground, closed her eyes and replied softly, "Okay."

Her response worried him, she'd agreed far too easily. She'd been so lucid for the past several minutes that he almost forgot how miserable she must feel; wedged under all that weight, in intense pain, and having great difficulty breathing. Yet she had carried on a conversation and wanted to know all the details about her own condition, not to mention her first concern being the safety of her crew, typical Janeway.

He removed his Jacket and gently lifted her head providing her a make-shift pillow. Reaching down he rested his right hand over hers and said, "I promise Captain, I'll get you home." For a moment he thought she might have passed out on him again, but she slid her fingers around his and grasped his hand firmly in silent acknowledgement of his words.

She would have liked to say something in addition to simply squeezing his hand to thank him for his thoughtfulness, but at the moment she just couldn't seem to form a complete sentence in her mind, and frankly she didn't have the energy to fight it.

Slowly Tom let go of her hand and pulled two blankets from his pack. He needed to try to keep her warm. The temperature of the tunnel was quickly draining her remaining energy. "Captain, I know it's tough, but I need you to try to stay awake for me. I'm going to give you a mild dose of something for the pain. I wish it could be more, but I'm concerned too much might make matters worse."

She genuinely sympathized with Tom's predicament. In some ways he must feel as helpless as she did. She simply nodded her head twice and said nothing.

He placed the hypospray to her neck and tucked the blankets around her as best he could. "I'll be back in a minute." Then he walked to the far side of the tunnel where he wouldn't be overheard to contact the others with an update.

---

Kathryn Janeway was suffering - there was simply no better way to describe what she was going through. She could feel what little energy she had left waning rapidly and the gravity of the situation was having its way with her fragile emotions. _Voyager_ was not sitting in orbit waiting to help. Even if they did manage to contact the ship, the away team was on their own for a while, possibly quite a while, and she knew it.

Her ability to fight the pain was abandoning her with every successive wave. Her feeble hope that the medication Tom had given her would have a real impact was also dissipating rapidly with the passage of time and the relative lack of change in the level of her agony. Parts of her body had mercifully gone numb some time ago but others had not, and although she was grateful for even that relief, she knew that the fact she couldn't feel in places was not a good sign.

Several times now, when she'd managed to get a fairly decent breath of air, the pain it caused her made her see stars, and she was so tired all she could think of was sleep; consequently she wasn't sure how much longer she was going to be able to remain conscious in spite of her willingness to follow through on Tom's request. She kept thinking that if she did allow herself to slip away, the pain would go away as well, but part of her instinctively knew that if she let herself do that, she might not ever wake up.

She'd been injured in the line of duty before and severely more than once, but there was something different this time. She couldn't ever remember feeling this physically helpless, and at a time in her life when she was so emotionally compromised as well. Given the circumstances, she was well aware that there was more than a slim chance she might not make it through this regardless of her state of mind. Kathryn also knew in her heart that it would take all she had and more to change those circumstances and quite honestly she wasn't convinced she was interested in putting in the effort, and for a moment or two that thought surprised her.

Life on _Voyager_ had seemed to present more than the usual challenges over the last year or so and slowly, ever so slowly, the constancy of the battle she was waging had eroded away her inner reserves to the point where she was beginning to tire of it all. The very nature of life in the Delta Quadrant precluded any possibility of an easy journey but more than a few emotional challenges had also come along with the burden of command.

She knew it all went back to the time they had been trapped in an area of space they nicknamed 'The Void', but the incident with the _Equinox_ had truly shaken her to her core, and she had never properly dealt with either one. Both incidents had the effect of forcing her to second guess herself, but at least when she'd made the decision to strand them all in the Delta Quadrant she had done so with the knowledge that it was to save the Ocampa and keep the power of the Caretaker's array out of the hands of an openly hostile race. With _Equinox_, she was still finding it hard to convince herself that her motives were as admirable. In evaluating her actions, it was entirely possible to come to the conclusion that she had taken it upon herself to be Ransom's judge and jury and that she had put her ship and crew at considerable risk for nothing more than a personal vendetta. Even Chakotay had done more than merely suggest that possibility.

Since then there'd also been close calls with a number of those dear to her on _Voyager_; Chakotay, Seven and Tuvok in particular. She'd even found herself squarely in the middle of emotionally difficult situations with B'Elanna, Tom and the EMH. Possibly worse than all of that was the fact that deep inside she felt she had to face everything largely alone, and as was her nature, she was taking responsibility for everything that went wrong, even those things that were far beyond her ability to control. While she knew in her head that she shouldn't feel that way, try as she might, she could not shake it from her heart and soul.

Her thoughts trailed off for a moment as another wave of pain swept over, causing her to fight to remain conscious. When she again had some level of control over her faculties she considered where all this had taken her and she found it to be a very dark and lonely place. She'd never been consciously suicidal and she'd never envisioned herself as a quitter. Yet more than once in her life she had run from emotional upheaval in a manner that could very easily have resulted in just such an eventuality. As a teenager, she'd lost an important tennis match, and unable to face her failure head on had ended up lost and alone in a thunderstorm. Her father had rescued her from that experience. As a young Starfleet officer she had withdrawn herself almost completely from the world over the guilt and loss she experienced at the deaths of her father and fiancé in a flight-test accident that she had somehow survived. It had taken her months to recover from her emotional pain as much as from the physical injuries.

She recognized the eerily similarities in this situation and that she was once again considering running away. Maybe she should quietly give in and once and for all find some peace; at the rate things were going on this trip, the odds of surviving all the way back to earth weren't in her favor anyway, why prolong the agony - but to just let go would be giving up wouldn't it?

Interestingly enough, both of those previous incidents had something in common, and it was the fact that she had not run from the battle itself, she had simply not been the victor. She had indeed given her all in that tennis match and had been bested by an older and more experienced opponent. When she had lost her father and Justin below that polar ice cap, she had in fact given all she had and then some, fighting both her own fear and serious physical injuries in the attempt to save them; only to have fate deal her a losing hand. What she had run from in both cases were her own feelings of guilt and inadequacy after the fact, not from the challenge itself.

In the attempt to identify just what that realization meant, her thoughts drifted to Chakotay. Their relationship had been nothing if not interesting from the very beginning. Somehow they had found a way to work together and eventually forge an intense friendship. It was a friendship that they were both well aware could easily go farther if allowed to, but by unspoken mutual decision, both of them had managed to construct their own walls to prevent that from happening.

Regardless of the nature of their personal relationship, they understood each other on a very basic level. Even when they disagreed on things, they genuinely respected each other's position. When they ran into trouble it was usually when she'd resorted to getting things to go her way by pulling rank. Right or wrong, it was the wrong approach with Chakotay, but she found herself doing it more than she cared to admit. Maybe he would be better off without her around as well. He was more than capable of captaining _Voyager_.

Making the effort to open her eyes, she spotted Tom standing several meters away obviously talking to someone via his comm badge and smiled inwardly at an additional irony of her situation even in her weakened condition. She had looked to this mission as a chance to get away from the ship and sort through some things; as a way to get away from the pressures of her position and the constant demands of running the ship to clear her head, shake off some of her recent melancholy, and reconnect with a few of her crew. Now the things she was dealing with before looked like a walk in the park. The weight of being _Voyager's_ captain and all that went with it, which she had felt crushing her for some time, and which she had been trying valiantly to hide both from herself and those around her, now seemed transferred to the rock lying squarely on her back as if to crush her once and for all. As she closed her eyes again to get some relief from the bright lights that Tom had erected, she felt guilty that she had allowed herself to get into this situation in the first place and consequently for dragging the away team through this with her.

It was at that thought that a spark at the core of Kathryn Janeway flickered into a small flame and she decided all of this wasn't getting her anywhere - she was only dragging herself farther into that dark and lonely place. Just as she had with that tennis match and that tragic crash so many years before, she found a reason to fight and resolved to keep on fighting at least long enough to make it back to _Voyager_.

First of all, she knew that the away team would have a hard time getting over their sense of guilt if she didn't make it back; she had first hand experience with that particular type of guilt and she had no desire to leave such a legacy to people she cared about. Add to that the fact that she didn't want to leave this life without being able to speak with her first officer and friend at least one last time, and she knew she had no choice but to fight a little while longer. Once that was achieved all bets were off, and one way or another she sincerely hoped she would find peace. Taking a shallow but cleansing breath, she tried to relax and concentrate on handling the pain and waiting for Tom to return.

TBC


	10. A Turn for the Worse

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 10: A Turn for the Worse**

Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff.

Rating – K+

"What took you so long? We've been worried sick," blurted an exasperated B'Elanna as she responded to Tom's hail.

Tom absently kicked a rock next to his foot, "The captain's in bad shape. We need to get her to the Flyer for me to treat her properly and even then I'm not sure how much I'll be able to do. I need to consult with the Doc - and soon."

B'Elanna was turning to head out of the tunnel almost immediately, "Okay, I'll head back for the shuttle and see if I can get a transporter lock."

"No, wait!

"What is it?"

"Because of her injuries she needs to be completely immobilized if we want to get her out of here safely. If we simply transport her we could make her condition worse, and you know as well as I do we were pressing our luck transporting me under these conditions as it was; she's not only closer to that rotten rock, she's surrounded by it."

"Then it appears we need to finish our tunnel, and quickly," Seven responded.

B'Elanna and Nick nodded in agreement.

"Tom, stand away from where we're digging and try to give the captain some protection from any rock that may fall her way," said B'Elanna. "Now that we know where she is, I plan to make short work of the rest of this tunnel."

Tom turned back toward Janeway, "Already on it. Nick, I'll need the anti-grav we brought for moving ore to use as a stretcher, some extra blankets, and several cargo straps from the shuttle when you finally get this hole of yours completed. Oh, and bring back the portable breathing unit from one of the environmental suits too."

"No problem. B'Elanna and Seven can handle this without me for a few minutes."

---

When Nick arrived back at the Delta Flyer he was out of breath from running the entire way. As he entered the shuttle, he could distinctly hear the comm system springing to life, "Commander Chakotay to the Delta Flyer, come in please."

Chakotay had almost given up. When he'd spoken with Ensign Wilkins earlier there hadn't been much to tell. He'd told the ensign to give him regular updates, but knew he wouldn't leave the rescue effort unless there was something new to report. In the end, Chakotay had just gotten tired of the wait and decided to send a general hail at regular intervals in the hope that one of the transmissions would be picked up.

"Ensign Wilkins here. Go ahead."

Chakotay rose from his command chair and moved apprehensively toward the center of the bridge. "What's your status?"

"We've found Captain Janeway. Tom has transported to the other side of the cave-in and is with her now."

"What's her condition?" Chakotay said to the air, placing his hands restlessly on his hips and then shifting his gaze to the floor.

Nick shuffled his feet impatiently, "According to Tom she's trapped and in pretty bad shape. The rest of us are trying to finish digging through to the other side so that we can get her out of there. I just came to get the supplies we need and get right back to the tunnel. I think we're almost through Commander, can I go?"

Chakotay could hear the anxiousness in the man's voice, "By all means Ensign. Let us know as soon as you have the captain out of the tunnel."

"You bet, Wilkins out."

If the Ensign's impatience was any indication, they must be close to getting her out of that cave. Now they waited again, but with more of an edgy optimism than the dread of earlier in the day. Chakotay hoped that optimism was well founded.

Nick quickly gathered the items Tom had requested and headed back for the cave. When he arrived he found that B'Elanna and Seven had made remarkable progress and he hurried to join them in their task. By the look of things, they would be through to the other side very soon.

---

Unfortunately for the captain, she and Tom still had some time on their hands while they waited for the others to break through. The first hypospray he'd given her contained a cocktail of several medications intended to prevent shock and stabilize her vital signs. It also contained Trioxin, a compound which should help her breathing, as well as a mild stimulant to help fight the urge to sleep caused by the head injury. He felt a bit guilty about keeping her awake as it also kept her in more pain, but he had no choice.

The waiting was becoming increasingly difficult for both of them. Tom was now to the point where any kind of a distraction would be welcome as it would help keep him from letting his concern for her get the best of him. Every time he looked at her being slowly crushed by the weight of the rock it made him a bit queasy. He had some idea of the level of discomfort she must be experiencing and he was amazed at how well she was handling it; it could not be easy for her.

She looked so small to him now, hardly the mighty captain at all, but then it wasn't her physical size that made her who she was in his eyes. From the day he met her, he knew she was someone he could respect. She exuded confidence, integrity, and strength. Moreover, she possessed a unique mix of authority and humanity that he found compelling.

He chuckled softly to himself thinking that Starfleet could use a few more like her. He'd spent a good part of his life around the elite in Starfleet; his father's position in the Admiralty had assured that. Yet with all the important and high-ranking officers he'd had contact with over the years, it was Kathryn Janeway that had earned his admiration and his loyalty. Even when there had been problems between them over the last few years, it had never diminished his respect for her, and he had understood her decisions based on the position she was in, even if he hadn't always agreed with them.

Glancing at her face periodically, he knew she was awake. She'd briefly opened her eyes not to long ago to look around and promptly closed them again; the light was probably still painful. "So Captain, we seem to have some time to kill, what would you like to talk about?"

"You talk… I'll sleep."

"Oh no you don't, no rest for the weary, doctor's orders. And you've got to admit, I'm a damn site better than the EMH for bedside manner."

She smiled weakly with her eyes still closed, "If you say so."

Suddenly he heard a noise coming from above him. A few smaller rocks had loosened from higher up on the pile and were rapidly creating a small avalanche of loose material headed straight for them. Tom quickly grabbed his pack, held it over his head to offer some protection, and leaned into the wall as far as possible over Janeway's prone form. He managed to protect her from the brunt of it and luckily nothing really large had managed to break loose.

When the slide was over, Tom had come out of it relatively unscathed; a couple of minor bruises and abrasions on his exposed hands were all he could claim for battle scars. Unfortunately, the cascade had loosened a cloud of dust again and he soon heard Janeway struggling for breath. He hadn't even realized that since she was face down and almost flat on the floor of the cave, the dust would present a real problem for her as it settled. Dropping quickly to her side again, he grabbed the edge of the blankets covering her and pulled them unceremoniously over her face. It was by no means a perfect solution, but it managed to provide her some protection.

The falling dust had been suffocating and equally disorienting, but once she was able to breathe again, Janeway slowly returned to reality to find something over her face. For a moment, she was confused until she remembered that Tom was with her and she determined that he must have covered her head for some reason.

Tom had turned away from her only long enough to retrieve his tricorder. He wanted to check her vital signs one more time and then he would get her talking again. When he turned back he noticed she seemed to be restless as there was some movement under the blankets. Since the majority of the dust had now settled to the floor, he folded the blankets back from her face, "How are you doing Captain?"

"Just great Tom… Let's come back here again soon… Perfect little vacation spot."

Possibly because of the falling dust or the shifting rock, she seemed to be having substantially more trouble breathing. She could only get out a few words at a time before literally gasping for breath and Tom could see this only caused her more pain.

Suddenly, Janeway felt a sharp pain in her chest and knew something else was very wrong. She took as deep a breath as she could and reached out to grab Tom's arm as he scanned her with the tricorder. "Tom… something's happening…I feel… worse… I don't think… I can take… much more," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

His fear for her was now bordering on abject terror. Janeway was a strong woman, if she was admitting this level of weakness, it wasn't a good sign. Glancing at his tricorder he recognized that her vital signs had begun to deteriorate even more and he wondered if the rock slide had shifted the weight on her back. "Paris to Torres."

"Torres here. What's up Tom?"

"The captain seems to be taking a turn for the worse. What's your status?"

"We're almost through. I estimate no more than ten minutes and we'll be there," B'Elanna said.

Tom's voice took on an edge of quiet desperation as he replied, "Please hurry!"

B'Elanna and Seven both knew Tom well enough to recognize the tone in his voice and they stepped up the pace even more.

TBC


	11. Free at Last

The Meaning of Family – Chapter 11: Free At Last 

Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff.

Rating – K+

Five minutes later Tom thought he could see a faint glow appearing through the thin cracks high up on the rock fall. At the same moment, he heard what he thought was a muffled phaser blast followed immediately by the movement of dust in the same area. A second later, the last of the large stones standing between those doing the digging and those doing the waiting were obliterated in the heat of a phaser blast.

"Captain, the Calvary has arrived. I'll be right back," Tom said.

Tom arrived on the other side of the tunnel just in time to catch B'Elanna as she tumbled through the opening. She gave him a quick hug and Tom took her hand and led her to the captain. "Come on, she's over here."

When B'Elanna could finally see her around a pile of rubble on the floor, she stopped dead in her tacks. Janeway looked horrible, covered with dust and rock, blood on her uniform, head and hands. Moreover, now that she could see Janeway's condition with her own eyes, B'Elanna knew they had a long way to go before she was out of danger. "How's she doing?" B'Elanna asked with her voice choked with emotion, fearing the answer she would hear.

"Not great. Let's get the others in here. I'll need the supplies and everyone's help for the next phase of this operation."

Curious, B'Elanna asked, "Just exactly what do you have in mind?"

"I'll tell you in a minute, let's get the supplies and get back to the captain."

As if on cue, Nick shoved the anti-grav through the opening, along with a pack containing the other supplies Tom had requested. Seven and Nick followed closely behind it. Tom gathered them all and together they headed toward the captain.

When they reached Janeway's side, Tom knelt down next to her and placed his hand softly on her good shoulder. "Captain?"

She groaned, shifted her head a little, and slowly opened her eyes. The right eye still wasn't cooperating and only opened about half way. "I see… we have… company."

"It is good to see you alive Captain," said Seven

Janeway was touched by the obvious concern in the former Borg's voice even if her choice of words seemed somewhat awkward. "I'm glad… to see… all of you."

Tom reached in the pack and pulled out the oxygen unit. "Captain, this should help you breathe a little easier." He carefully placed the strap to the mask over her head, avoiding her injured eye as much as possible, and positioned the mask over her mouth and nose. Then he placed the supply canister next to her shoulder and adjusted the valve to start the flow of oxygen.

Moving her head around to position the mask had proven to be a painful experience and for a moment she had thought she would pass out. But she fought it hard and almost immediately after he opened the valve she felt some relief. While she still could only manage small breaths, the fact that she was now taking in pure oxygen was making her feel slightly better.

After assuring himself that she was as stable as possible, Tom took charge of the rest of the operation, "Okay people, listen up, here's the plan. We need to move that rock to get her out. I can only see one way to do that without causing further injury, we need to blast it apart. One well-placed phaser shot should break it up nicely. Once that's done, we'll use the anti-grav as a stretcher, and get the captain on it and immobilized as quickly and carefully as possible. I'll tell you what to do as we go along. Then it's out of here and back to the _Flyer_. I think it'll be just as fast, and probably safer, to carry her out rather than for someone to try to get to the _Flyer_ and use the transporter. Got it?"

He was pleased to see only nods of understanding as he turned back to the captain and said his next few words quietly to her. "Captain, I'm going to risk giving you something else for the pain, at least as much as I think is safe. This is bound to hurt like hell. Once that rock is off of you, the circulation will return to the tissue that have been pinched off by the pressure. We're also going to have to roll you over to get you onto the anti-grav. We'll do the best we can, but…"

Janeway interrupted him and said softly, "I understand..." and Tom quickly pressed the hypospray to her neck.

Nick then arrived with the extra blankets and once Tom was out of the way he began positioning them over the captain to cushion her from any flying debris when they blasted the rock. He glanced quickly at her and said "Sorry Captain, but I need to cover up your head and face for a couple of minutes."

She nodded in response but said nothing, closing her eyes again. As Nick pulled the blankets over her head she steeled herself against what was to come.

They all stood back as Seven removed her phaser from her waist, quickly adjusted the settings, and fired. Instantly the largest of the rocks disintegrated into nothing but small pieces of rubble. The team had the few that remained on the captain's back and on top of her legs removed in moments.

Tom carefully peeled back the extra blankets from over Janeway's head to see if she was ok. She was still conscious, but he could see the discomfort she was experiencing written all over her face. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut, and she was breathing in through her teeth and blowing out through her lips as she exhaled. He decided it was best just to get the rest over with as quickly as possible.

"Okay, here's what's next. Nick, spread some of those extra blankets across the anti-grav. We need to cushion her back as much as possible and keep her warm. Then slide it over here alongside the captain as close as you can. Seven, I want you at her feet, B'Elanna near her midsection and I'll take her head and shoulders. Nick you hold the anti-grav in place. When I count three, we carefully roll her to her good side, slide our makeshift stretcher behind her and then lay her down on it. We'll need to roll her slowly and in unison. Everyone ready? One, two, three..."

They actually did a marvelous job under the circumstances, but nevertheless Tom had been right, this was the worst yet, it did indeed hurt like hell. As a matter of fact, that was an understatement. She didn't want to appear weak to her crew but she simply couldn't help the sound that escaped her throat when they rolled her over. What started out as a low groan turned to into a loud, open-mouthed expression of excruciating pain, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!"

As soon as they had her on the anti-grav and on a stable part of the tunnel floor, they began carefully padding her sides, legs and head with the remaining blankets and using the strapping material to hold her firmly in place. Tom knew they needed to minimize her movement as much as possible as it was likely to be a little bumpy getting her out of the tunnel. Even with the anti-grav they would still have to guide it over a good deal of rock and debris and their own uneven movement would ultimately disturb the anti-grav as well.

B'Elanna finished her part of the process and glanced up at the captain's face. What she saw there momentarily took her breath away. Janeway was obviously still conscious, because she was biting her lip against the agony she was in. B'Elanna reached down and touched her right hand to try to provide some comfort and Janeway immediately grabbed it and began to squeeze it tightly. B'Elanna instantly felt the strength in the captain's grip and at that moment was grateful for her Klingon heritage. If it wasn't for that, Janeway might have broken a couple of her fingers. She opened her eyes slowly to look directly at B'Elanna. There was perspiration breaking out on her forehead and her usually intense blue eyes were sparkling with moisture in the erratic lighting.

B'Elanna had never seen their captain like this, and it served to bring the guilt she had managed to bury earlier right back to the surface. "You just hold on for a little while longer Captain, we'll have you back on the _Flyer_ in no time."

Janeway closed her eyes tightly and tears slid down her cheeks, but she retained her grip on her lieutenant's hand.

Tom came up along side B'Elanna and touched her on the shoulder to get her attention, "Time to go. You ready?"

Now it was B'Elanna's turn to sound as if she were pleading, "More than ready Tom, let's get her out of here."

TBC


	12. No Choice in the Matter

The Meaning of Family – Chapter 12: No Choice in the Matter 

Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff.

Rating – K+

The four junior officers took positions on the sides and ends of the anti-grav and headed out the way they had come. They had to scramble to get back over the pile of rubble and though the small opening they had created, but once done, the rest of the trip to the surface was actually fairly easy, for everyone except Kathryn Janeway. Even with the anti-grav, she felt every bump and jolt, no matter how small.

Once they had scrambled over the cave-in and into the open, Seven and B'Elanna had each positioned themselves to one side of the anti-grav and could clearly see the difficulty Janeway was having with the journey. At one point Seven noticed her expression change as they walked; her teeth unclenched and her brow relaxed, and her head lolled slightly to the side against the blanket that they had used to secure her head and neck as much as possible. Seven worried that they had lost her, but when she reached down and checked the captain's wrist for a pulse and found one, the relief on the ex-Borg's features was clearly visible even in the half-light of the tunnel.

When they emerged from the tunnel entrance the sun was beginning to set over the horizon. They had lost all track of time. Tom looked at his chronometer. Almost five hours had elapsed since the cave-in, not all that long considering what they had been up against, but possibly too long for their captain.

As they walked, B'Elanna said, "I think we should split up temporarily to make the best use of our time. Seven, you and Nick head for the shelter and pick up any supplies you think we might need and secure everything else. We don't know yet how long it will take us to rendezvous with _Voyager_ or when we will be able to come back to finish our operation. Tom and I will get the captain back to the _Flyer_ and try to contact _Voyager_. We'll meet you there as soon as you can get there."

B'Elanna had taken charge, as was her right, and there was no argument as Seven and Nick followed her orders without question.

---

Tom and B'Elanna continued directly to the _Delta Flyer_. Once there, they set the anti-grav directly onto the biobed in the aft section. B'Elanna headed for the communications panel and Tom went to work on the captain.

"_Delta Flyer_ to _Voyager_." B'Elanna hesitated a second or two and tried again, "Torres to _Voyager_, please respond."

"B'Elanna, this is Harry, we read you. What's your situation?"

"We have Captain Janeway on board the _Delta Flyer_. Tom is getting her settled in now. As soon as he's ready he'll need to speak to the doctor."

"Acknowledged. We'll keep the comm link open. Go ahead when you're ready."

Chakotay was sitting in his chair on the bridge listening to the communication from the away team. Since the first message from Ensign Wilkins letting them know there was a problem, he had been unable to occupy the captain's chair; somehow it made him feel uncomfortable.

He'd been worried sick the last few hours and the strain was beginning to show. He was actually letting Harry handle the communication with the _Flyer_, not only because it was really the ensign's job, but also because he wasn't sure he could control his emotions if he took over. Patience and a clear head were required right now and he was working hard to find both. He smiled briefly at the fleeting thought that he often envied Kathryn her ability to mask her emotions at times like this. He knew she felt them as keenly as anyone, maybe more so, and he knew that it was both a blessing and a curse for her on a personal level, but it was also part of what made her an exceptional starship captain.

Somehow he had known something would go wrong on this mission, but he had nothing other than a feeling to go on and that would not have been enough to try to stop them from going, or rather her. Besides, he had no idea that it would be Kathryn that would end up in trouble. He had simply been overcome with an unease that he couldn't shake. His thoughts were interrupted by a new communication from the away team.

"Paris to _Voyager_."

"Go ahead Tom."

"I need you to connect me with the doctor now."

"Okay, I'll transfer you to sickbay."

Chakotay rose from his seat and headed for the turbolift, "Tuvok, you have the bridge. Maintain our course and speed to the planet. I'll be in sickbay."

"Very well Commander."

---

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

"Doctor, this is Tom Paris, have you been briefed on our situation?"

"Yes Mr. Paris, I have been given a brief description of your situation. I understand Captain Janeway was the victim of a cave-in and has multiple injuries. Please update me on your current status."

As the doctor continued to talk to Tom over the comm link, Commander Chakotay entered sickbay, slightly out of breath from his rush from the bridge.

"We have her out of the cave and have moved her to the _Delta Flyer_. She was trapped under a pile of rock, and in particular a large boulder, for approximately four hours during which time she experienced several black-outs. She has a head injury and is having difficulty breathing which has steadily gotten worse. My preliminary examination shows she has a severe concussion and several broken bones on her left side; collarbone, ribs and pelvis. I also detected some internal bleeding, and she has been unable to feel or move her legs since the time I found her. The rock was resting on her back, and although I couldn't find any broken bones there, I think she may have some damage to her spinal column. We immobilized her as best we could when we brought her out of the cave to prevent aggravating any of her injuries. I've closed the wounds on her head and shoulder in order to prevent further bleeding and I have her on oxygen to help her breathe."

"Good work Mr. Paris, now let's see what we need to do next. Please link your medical tricorder to the computer on the _Delta Flyer_ and conduct a new scan. Transmit the results to me here."

Chakotay heard this and quietly contacted Harry to make sure that Tom's transmission was routed directly to the doctor's computer in sickbay.

"And Mr. Paris, is the captain conscious at this time?"

Tom replied while he followed the doctor's instructions and prepared for the scan. "No Doctor, she's not. She was able to stay with us most of the time she was trapped, but getting her out from under the rock and onto and anti-grav was extremely difficult for her. I didn't want to risk giving her too much pain medication, I was concerned about the effect it might have on her not knowing the full extent of her injuries. Consequently she was in a great deal of pain and I think it got the best of her. She lost consciousness on our way out of the tunnel."

B'Elanna had been assisting Tom in getting everything set up for the doctor. As soon as they were ready she contacted him. "Doctor, we're transmitting the scan information to you now."

"Understood," said the doctor, and he and Chakotay turned from the main treatment room in sickbay and headed for the office to monitor the transmission.

"Ensign Paris, please move the tricorder slowly from the captain's head to her feet."

Tom did as instructed and waited.

The doctor watched the readout from the tricorder on his display and then issued another request, "Now please move the tricorder to her chest and slightly to her left."

Again he studied the display and then said, "Thank you Mr. Paris. I need one more pass from the captain's head to her lower back. Follow the path of her spine and move very slowly."

Tom completed the tasks requested of him and waited... and waited... and waited... for what seemed an eternity. Back on _Voyager_ Chakotay felt exactly the same way. It was difficult watching the doctor intently examining the display on his console and not saying anything. The anticipation was killing them all. If the EMH didn't say something soon, Chakotay would probably strangle him, figuratively speaking of course.

Finally the doctor looked up and spoke, "Mr. Paris, I concur with your findings. However, the most pressing problem is the captain's internal injuries. You are correct in that she does have a number of broken ribs on her left side, several of which are causing the internal bleeding. She has damage to her spleen and one of her broken ribs has perforated her left lung and it has partially collapsed. Both of these conditions will require surgery to repair, and as soon as possible; and as I believe we are still hours away from any possible rendezvous with your away team, you are the most likely candidate to perform the necessary procedure. As for treatment of her other injuries, if she is kept immobilized, those procedures can wait until the captain is back on board _Voyager_."

B'Elanna looked at Tom and was sure she had never before witnessed such naked terror on his face. Operate on the captain! It would scare her too. Tom was an extremely capable medic, and he had learned a great deal during his five years on _Voyager_. He was more than capable of advanced first aid and any number of other basic medical procedures, and had even assisted the EMH with surgery many times, but this sounded way over his head.

Part of his concern lay in the fact that this was not a fully equipped sickbay. While the _Flyer_ was much better outfitted for medical emergencies than the average shuttle, whatever needed to be done would have to be accomplished under less than desirable conditions.

"Doc, isn't there another way? I really don't think..."

The doctor cut him off swiftly, "Mr. Paris, these injuries are life-threatening. You have no choice if you want Captain Janeway to survive!"

There it was - the very thing they had been trying to keep at bay all along had just jumped up and slapped Tom in the face. All of them had been worried that they could lose her at any time during this whole ordeal, but up till now it had largely been a joint effort. Now the responsibility was being left squarely in Tom's hands. "Understood," was all he could think of to say in response as he tried desperately to ignore the pounding in his ears from his racing heart and began to run through in his mind what he would need to do to get ready to perform surgery.

Chakotay held his breath. He was devastated when he heard the doctor confirm the extent of Kathryn's injuries. He could only guess at what she had personally experienced; it had to have been horrible for her. The last couple of minutes had been a struggle for him as he tried desperately to quell the lump forming in his throat. This was worse than he thought - they could still lose her! The doctor didn't have to say it, but even if Tom performed the surgery she may not live long enough for _Voyager_ to reach them.

"Doctor, would it cause any complications for the captain if the _Flyer_ were to lift off and head for a rendezvous with us in space rather than waiting for us on the planet?" Chakotay was trying to find any way to minimize their time in transit.

"No Commander. As a matter of fact, I would advise getting her back here as quickly as possible."

"Good. B'Elanna?"

"I'm here Chakotay."

"Get the rest of your team back on the _Flyer_ and lift off. We'll plan to meet you in space. I'll have Harry contact you to work out coordinates en-route."

"I'll get on it as soon as I finish helping Tom get things going."

"And B'Elanna, everything will be okay. Tell Tom not to worry, we know he can do this. I'm turning the comm link back over to the doctor now."

"Thanks Chakotay," she rested her hand briefly on Tom's shoulder, "he heard you."

TBC


	13. Last Words

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 13: Last Words**

Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff.

Rating – K+

Seven and Nick had finished gathering a few items from the shelter and were just entering the _Delta Flyer_ when B'Elanna met them on her way out. "I was just coming to find the two of you," said B'Elanna. "We've been in contact with _Voyager_ and we are to leave the planet and head for a rendezvous in space."

"How is Captain Janeway?" asked Seven.

"Not too good I'm afraid. Tom is in communication with the EMH as we speak. The captain has internal injuries that need immediate surgery."

Nick was suddenly even more concerned than he had been, probably because they had all been so busy they were able to keep their fear for the captain somewhat at bay. "B'Elanna, how are we going to accomplish that? We don't have a doctor on board..." but before she could respond, the expression on Nick's face changed dramatically and he answered his own question, "Tom's going to do the operation, isn't he?"

She nodded, "The doctor says there's no choice. Let's get ready to get on our way."

---

Kathryn was returning to consciousness but wasn't really sure she wanted to. Her most recent memories of the real world were not pleasant ones. As if to confirm her fears, the more alert she became, the more pronounced she felt every assaulted part of her body. She guessed that Tom had been right. As unbelievable as it seemed, the weight of the rock pressing down on her had been minimizing what she was actually able to feel. Once that weight was removed, it hadn't taken long for sensation to come back in places with devastating results; and although she knew they had had to roll her over and get her on the improvised stretcher, she prayed that she never had to go through anything like that again. Her left side had felt like it was filled with broken glass from her shoulder to her hip and when they moved her it was as if all those shards were cutting her from the inside out. She was also still having trouble breathing, even with the oxygen. It had gotten worse than she remembered and she felt like someone was standing on the left side of her chest.

In spite of everything, and with great effort, she once more fought her way back to reality, "Tom…"

The captain's voice was barely above a whisper, and still somewhat muffled by the mask over her face, but he heard her nonetheless. Tom immediately turned to her and placed his hand on her forehead to let her know he was there. Lowering his face to hers so he could hear her better he said, "Yes Captain, I'm here."

She opened her eyes as much as she could manage and looked at him. "What… happening? Where… are… we?"

Tom could see that her condition was rapidly worsening. She was having a lot of trouble getting the words out between gasps for air and the effort was causing her facial features were contorted from the pain. The doctor was right, they needed to do something and he was her best shot.

"Captain, you have to try to relax. We're back on the _Flyer_. We've been in contact with _Voyager_ and they know our situation. The doctor is talking me through what we need to do to help you."

She had lost all track of time so she asked, "_Voyager_… here?"

"No, not yet, but they're on their way and we're going to head out to meet them as well; see if we can get you back to some real medical care as quickly as possible. Listen, I need to let you know something. The doctor has figured out why you're having trouble breathing. You have internal bleeding and a partially collapsed lung, compliments of those broken ribs of yours. It has to be taken care of immediately. Looks like you're stuck with Dr. Paris for a little longer. I'm sorry," he said, and momentarily looked away, unable to meet her eyes.

"… 's… ok… Know… do… best."

Tom shook off his melancholy and turned back to face her. "You know it. Otherwise I'll have to answer to Chakotay and Tuvok for the rest of the trip home. Talk about incentive."

Janeway smiled weakly at him and the feeling went right through him. Her trust meant a great deal. He would do anything to try to help her through this regardless of his own trepidation; after all, he had promised to get her back to _Voyager_ and he meant it.

The doctor's voice came back over the comm link, "Mr. Paris, are you still paying attention?"

Tom was slightly startled, but maintained his composure, "Oh! Sorry Doc! I was a little distracted. The captain is awake."

"Really?" The doctor sounded genuinely amazed. "Well not for long, are you ready to begin?"

He looked back at Janeway and met her eyes, "Yes Doctor, I am."

"You're going to need some help. I would suggest Seven of Nine if she's nearby."

"I'll get her. Be right back." Tom started to move away from the captain to call for Seven but before he could move far, she grabbed his arm.

"Need… talk… Chakotay," she whispered.

"Captain, I don't know that that's a good idea right now. We don't have a lot of time and you need to save your strength."

How she managed the patented Janeway death glare in her condition, and with only one good eye, he would never know, but there it was. He frowned at her, "Okay, okay, I'll get him, but try to take it easy will you please!"

She managed a small nod signaling her agreement.

Tom removed her comm badge from her jacket and pinned it to a blanket next to her head so it could pick up her voice better. Then he touched it and heard the distinctive chirp as the comm link came to life.

"Paris to Commander Chakotay."

"Chakotay here."

The commander had never left sickbay but he'd moved to the main treatment area. From there he could keep close tabs on Kathryn's situation while at the same time work on rendezvous plans over a comm link with Harry and Tuvok without disturbing Tom and the doctor.

"I have someone here who wants to speak with you."

"Go ahead."

Tom carefully lowered the oxygen mask from the captain's face, "Only a couple of minutes Captain, understand?"

She nodded her agreement, took as deep a breath as she dared, and began. "Cha…ko…tay."

Chakotay was startled for a second. The voice sounded like hers, but he wasn't sure. "Captain?"

"Yes, I…"

Chakotay focused his entire being on the weak voice coming over the comm. "Listen, don't try to talk. We're on our way. Everything's under control so don't worry about anything accept yourself, okay?" He was actually surprised that he managed to sound a damn sight more cheerful than he felt, but he had to keep this conversation positive. He couldn't shake the horrible thought that this might be his last chance to talk to her, ever.

"You… were... right… shouldn't… have… come."

Chakotay ran his hand through his hair and looked toward the floor before responding. "It was an accident. Nothing you could have prevented. There's no need to try to apologize for things you had no control over. And from what I hear, you probably saved Seven and B'Elanna's lives. Besides, it sounds like your trip has been a lot more interesting than mine has anyway. Next time you get the negotiating chores back."

Tom had retrieved Seven from the cockpit and they were getting some things ready nearby. They tried to give the captain and the commander as much privacy as possible, but it was fairly easy to hear their conversation.

"May… not… be… next… time. So… tired." She hesitated for a second or two to try to catch her breath. "Need… to… tell… you. If… don't… make…"

'My God…' Chakotay thought, she's trying to say goodbye. His mind began to read a million things between the lines of her last statement and he didn't like any of them. His response to her was swift and strong. "Wrong Captain. That's not an acceptable option. Are you listening to me?"

There was no response.

Tom and Seven were watching the captain now. They had noticed her hesitation and wanted to be sure she was all right. They would never forget what they saw. Janeway had closed her eyes, was clutching the blankets and there were tears slowly finding their way down her cheeks.

"Kathryn!" Chakotay almost shouted it, heedless of anyone who might hear him use her given name.

"Yes," she finally replied.

"Like it or not, you're not in charge right now; and you know as well as I do that we've had this conversation before. Remember our first encounter with the Borg," he hesitated for a moment and swallowed hard, trying to compose himself enough to continue, "we decided that we'd work all the tough ones out together from then on."

"I… remember... but... long ago… still let... you down..."

He had a feeling what she was referring to - the _Equinox_. There was no way he was going to let that stand in the way, "No buts. Regardless of what you may think, you haven't let anyone down. So I'm calling your bluff. Now I know it's hard, but you have to fight this. What's in the best interest of this ship and crew is for the captain to get back on her feet, and I won't support any other position." Then he said very quietly, "We need you... I need you. Don't you dare give up now, we've come too far. Besides, you owe me dinner, remember?"

There was a brief silence while everyone waited to hear her response.

"Okay… you… win," she said, sounding oddly defeated.

"Kathryn Janeway, I do believe that you have just deferred to my judgment. That hasn't happened in a while."

In spite of herself, she rallied a little at his remark, "Don't… push… luck… mister."

"Now that's the captain I know and love. See you in a few hours. Tom?"

Hearing the commander call him, Tom stepped back up to the side of the bed next to the captain. He repositioned the mask over her face and then placed his hand gently on her shoulder and looked into her eyes as she struggled for breath, "Yes Commander?"

"Get on with it."

"Yes sir," he said with determination in his voice. "Doctor, we're ready to get started."

At that very moment the _Delta Flyer_ began to slowly lift from the ground and head for the planet's atmosphere and a rendezvous with _Voyager_. Shortly thereafter, Kathryn Janeway felt a hypospray against her neck, and the medication slowly took her awareness away.

TBC


	14. Will It Be Enough?

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 14: Will It Be Enough?**

_Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff._

_Rating – K+_

It was over. Tom had followed the doctor's instructions and done his best. Now it was up to her; at least until they reached _Voyager_ and the EMH could take over. The surgery had taken several hours and it was now early morning. Tom was exhausted, but he couldn't even begin to think about sleep right now. His main concern now was keeping her alive and stable until they reached the ship.

The doctor had walked him through the necessary procedures; he had even managed to treat a couple of her less serious injuries while she was still under the influence of the anesthesia. Her broken collarbone had turned out to be a fairly clean break and relatively easy to repair, although much of the damage to her dermal tissue still remained. He had even managed to significantly reduce the swelling around her eye, the doctor indicating it was necessary to relieve some of the pressure to her skull and minimize any potential damage to her eye socket.

Tom was most disheartened at the trauma to her ribs and pelvis. The scans he'd made most recently were displayed on the monitor near him and the doctor had explained the full extent of the damage. As he had suspected from his initial tricorder scans, many of the bones had literally been crushed. She would require more surgery when they got back to _Voyager_ and they still weren't sure about her spinal injury. The doctor would be able to perform more sophisticated tests when they got her back to sickbay and the results would give them a better idea what still needed to be done, or quite frankly what was even possible. Regardless of the test results, Tom knew without question that the EMH would have plenty of work to do. When the captain woke up, none of them willing to entertain if, she was facing a long road ahead of her to get back on her feet.

For the moment, Tom was satisfied that she was alive, stable, and sleeping peacefully, although heavily sedated and still on oxygen. They had managed to get her off the anti-grav and clean her up as part of this whole process as well, but the expression on her face was more relaxed than he had ever remembered seeing her. He only hoped her dreams were as peaceful as she currently appeared.

Tom was pulled back to reality by Seven, "Ensign Paris. You require rest. I will stay with the captain for a while and contact you if there are any complications."

"Okay Seven, I could use a break, but please call me if anything changes with her condition. I'll be up front."

"Very well."

---

Seven took a seat on a stool next to Janeway where she could watch both her vital signs on the computer monitor and the captain herself. Presently she found herself deep in thought. She had outwardly been her usual dispassionate self for most of this experience; efficient and detached while there was work to be done. Inwardly however, she had been in turmoil, and now that there was nothing to be done but watch and wait, she was finding that her humanity was forcing its way to the surface. This was the first time that she had seen the captain this vulnerable and she was finding it disturbing.

Kathryn Janeway was her mentor, her sounding board, and her primary role model for what "being human" was all about. Over the last couple of years since she'd been on _Voyager_, the captain almost always appeared to her to be in control, even when being beaten at velocity, which actually didn't happen very often. There were occasions that Seven had seen other facets of Janeway's personality and they primarily occurred when the two of them had entered into difficult philosophical discussions. Seven actually admired the fact that Janeway had willingly conceded several points to her over time when something that Seven said made her look at issues from a different perspective.

In attempting to analyze the feelings she was experiencing, Seven found that the first she could actually recognize and name was guilt. With the captain's help, she had managed to come to terms with much of what she had done as a Borg. While she occasionally still wrestled with the actions of her previous life, she was generally able to rationalize her behavior by acknowledging that she had really not been in control of her actions then. This was very different. In this case she was painfully aware that her actions had, in part, lead directly to the captain's suffering and could possibly lead to her death. Worse yet, this situation was making her realize just how much she owed this woman on many fronts and how precious little she had done to communicate her recognition and appreciation of that fact. She also realized that she had made Janeway's life incredibly difficult on more than one occasion and had never truly expressed any regret.

Less than a week before, she had found herself in sickbay after making an intentional modification to her alcove. In an attempt to be 'more efficient', she had begun downloading ship's status reports and other information from _Voyager's _computer during her regeneration cycles. The resulting overload to her system had caused her to become paranoid and construct elaborate conspiracy theories involving many on the senior staff. One of these theories eventually caused her to fear for her own safety enough that she had commandeered the _Delta Flyer_ with the intention of leaving _Voyager_ for good. It was only through the direct intervention of Captain Janeway that she was able to realize what was happening to her and allow the captain to help.

Seven distinctly remembered the equally logical and highly emotional appeal made to her by the captain on the _Flyer_. That conversation had taken their relationship to yet another level as the two women had both, in their own way, revealed more of themselves and their depth of feeling for one another. Seven was well aware she had more to learn if she wished to live as a human and she was equally as certain that Janeway had more to teach, but there was much more to their relationship than simply that of a mentor and a student. The longer she sat and watched the captain's struggle, the more she worked through the other emotions swirling in and around her guilt and realized that she genuinely felt a fondness for this woman that she did not understand and could not categorize. It felt vaguely familiar to her somehow, but true recognition seemed just out of reach.

Seven determined that it was only logical that this relationship could not end here, and certainly not like this, or she might never be able to put her feelings into perspective. If sheer force of will could have any impact at all on Janeway's situation, Seven was determined that she could at least offer her that. So despite the unnerving quiet of the aft compartment in the absence of any of the other members of the away team, Seven forced herself to be content to sit with her unconscious captain for as long as was necessary and took some modicum of comfort from the fact that she was still alive. That simple fact meant that there might still be time, time to make amends for many things, and time to search for the true meaning of the emotions their relationship evoked.

---

Tom had gladly taken the opportunity Seven offered him for a rest. He was simply drained. The surgery had been difficult and the stress of having the captains' life hang in the balance made it even worse. While he needed sleep, he knew there was no way that was going to happen until he was able to exorcise some of his demons. He needed to talk with someone and he couldn't think of anyone he would rather talk to than B'Elanna. More than any time since the mission began, he was extremely glad she was along for the ride.

He quickly washed up and put on a clean uniform so he was fairly presentable and headed to the cockpit. Once there, Nick was the first to notice his arrival, "Tom, is everything okay?"

B'Elanna turned and looked over her shoulder when she heard Nick speak. As she turned, she met Tom's eyes; he looked exhausted.

"Yeah Nick. We finished the operation a short time ago. Her vital signs are weak, but she's stable for now. I hope we can keep her that way until we can get back to _Voyager_."

B'Elanna spoke next, "Will she be alright?"

"I don't know. We did all we could, but it wasn't easy. We almost lost her a couple of times. Seven said she'd stay with her for a while so I could take a break."

"You okay?" B'Elanna asked.

Tom dropped heavily into the seat at the aft control console in the cockpit. "I've been better. You know the captain and I have had our differences, but I would never have wished anything like this on her. It's tough to see her in such bad shape. You both saw her in that cave. She was really suffering. Right before we started surgery she actually came to for a few minutes and insisted on speaking to Chakotay. It was pretty awful, her breathing was so labored she could only get out one word at a time without gasping for breath, yet she was trying to say goodbye to him just in case she didn't make it back."

Startled by his statement B'Elanna replied, "Oh my God Tom, what did he say?"

"He basically read her the riot act, told her that giving up wasn't an option. I swear he had me all choked up."

"This hasn't been easy for any of us, least of all the captain. But I'm sorry it seems you've had to carry the brunt of it," said Nick. "The rest of us have had it relatively easy by comparison."

"Thanks Nick. I'll be okay. But you know this whole thing has made me think. I can imagine now what she goes through whenever one of the crew gets hurt or even killed. I'm not sure I'd want to be in her position. I think now I can at least partly understand why she feels she has to keep her distance from us so much of the time."

Nick thought about what Tom had said for a moment and then quickly agreed, "Starts to make a lot of sense doesn't it."

"Sure does. I mean, during surgery I felt solely responsible for her life. She must feel like that every time she sends any of us on an away mission. I'm not sure I'd be able to handle the pressure."

Nick continued, "And we all know she feels responsible for stranding us here in the first place. When you think about it, for such a small person, she's sure carrying around a lot on her shoulders."

"I guess so," said B'Elanna. "I can still remember the look on her face when she tried that stunt in 'The Void' and we wouldn't let her sacrifice herself to the cause. Must have been some guilt trip she'd put herself on. It's a good thing Chakotay knows her so well and could pick up on the signals. Whatever she said to him to tip him off must have been priceless. At least she took it well when she found out we had staged our little mutiny."

Nick had no idea what B'Elanna was referring to. The senior staff had done an incredible job of keeping those events to themselves. "B'Elanna, what are you talking about? If it's confidential, I understand, but now you have me curious."

"Oh, sorry Nick, I forgot that most of the crew never knew what happened. I don't suppose there's any harm in telling you now. You remember when we met up with the Malon for the first time? It was in that area of space that was completely devoid of star systems and we anticipated it would take us almost two years to traverse it. The Malon were using it as a radioactive waste dump."

"How could I forget? It was awful. But what does that have to do with the captain and a sacrifice?"

B'Elanna smiled, vividly remembering the events on the bridge. "Well, it turns out that the whole experience was hardest on Captain Janeway. The lack of anything important to investigate or occupy her time allowed her to dwell on all the wrong things. According to Chakotay, she became overwhelmed with regret over stranding us here in the Delta Quadrant and the crew members that had been lost along the way. When the time came to fight the Malon in order to make it through the wormhole they told us about, she thought the only way for us to make it was for her to sacrifice herself to the cause and stay behind in a shuttle to close it from behind, thereby saving us two years and preventing the Malon from ever using it again to dump their radioactive waste." B'Elanna took a deep breath and then continued. "Chakotay somehow realized what she was implying with that idea and prepared all of us ahead of time. So when she appeared on the bridge and began to give orders that would set her plan in motion, we all refused to follow them. She had no choice but to listen to other alternatives, which by the way, we had already discussed."

"My God, she must have wanted to keel-haul every last one of you," Nick exclaimed.

Tom replied this time. "Let's just say it was an interesting few minutes. She made eye contact with every one of us in turn when she realized we had no intention of letting her follow through with her plan; Neelix, Seven and the EMH included. Although I think Chakotay was the only recipient of the death glare. After everything was over, we kept it to ourselves. We wanted to show Captain Janeway that we cared about her enough to take a chance on defying her, but that in doing so, we could also keep her confidence."

Nick looked stunned, "Wow, I never would have guessed anything like that was going on. I remember there were a lot of rumors about the captain spending a lot of time in her cabin, and there was some speculation that she was ill, but things got back to normal and we all forgot about it. I guess she really is carrying quite a burden in her own way."

The group fell silent for a long moment, lost in their own thoughts, until it became too much for Tom, "So when do you think we'll be catching up to _Voyager_?" he asked, changing the subject somewhat.

"Well, now that you mention it, I have some good news. While you were doing all the really hard work back there, Harry, Tuvok and I have been working as well; looks like we'll be meeting them in about five hours," replied B'Elanna.

"How'd you pull that off?" Tom said, his mouth falling open in astonishment.

"With a little creative ingenuity and a whole lot of luck. We worked out a way to temporarily improve the efficiency of _Voyager's_ warp core reaction without putting their remaining dilithium supply in too much jeopardy. It was tricky, but we managed it. There's just one other small problem."

"And that is?"

"We also decided to take the short cut. That's where the luck comes in."

Tom instinctively knew exactly what B'Elanna was referring to. They must have decided to fly through the asteroid field. "You're not thinking what I think you're thinking..."

"If you mean the asteroid field, yes, the very same."

Tom was incredibly overtired and given everything that had happened he was becoming more and more concerned about the direction of this conversation. "Sounds more than a bit dicey to me, did any of you consider that this could get us all killed?" he said, the edginess of his tone growing more pronounced with each successive word.

Nick got up from the other chair and went over to stand next to Tom. "Look Tom, it's okay. B'Elanna and I were in communication with Tuvok and Harry the whole time you were in surgery with the captain. We've conducted extensive scans of the asteroid field and we've found a weak area where the field is not as wide and is less dense. If we can position ourselves directly opposite _Voyager_, they can use the deflector to scatter the field long enough so that we can pass through at maximum warp without a scratch."

"That'll require some shield modifications, split second timing, a good deal of nerve, and a lot of luck, but I think we can do this," said B'Elanna. She switched the _Flyer_ to autopilot and moved to where Tom was seated. Nick backed away a few steps as she knelt down in front of him and added, "Tom, can you honestly say that the captain will survive long enough for us to go around this field? That could take us twenty hours or more even with the modifications to _Voyager's_ warp drive. I for one would rather take the risk and go out fighting than to watch her die because we took the safe route home." She rested her hand on his knee as if to emphasize how serious she was about this.

He looked deeply into her eyes. "She wouldn't like it you know. If she knew what we were planning, she'd be ripping all of us apart for just thinking about it."

B'Elanna knew that Tom was right about that. When Janeway was back on her feet, the whole lot of them would more than likely get a serious reprimand. However, she had distinctly heard him use the word 'we' in his last statement. That meant he was already latching onto the idea too. When they were ready she'd prefer he do the piloting. He'd have four hours to get some rest between now and the time they'd be in position for the attempt. "Yeah, I know, but as far as I can tell, I'm the ranking officer around here right at the moment and it's my decision. So you with us on this?"

Tom appeared deep in thought for a minute and then looked deeply in B'Elanna's eyes. "Oh, I'm with you. You're right, to be honest I'm not sure the captain will survive long enough to do this the safe way. She needs to be in sickbay where the doctor can treat her properly. I can't deny the risks, but shaving some time off the trip may be the best chance she has."

"When this is all over, she can court martial the lot of us if she likes," said Nick. "But somehow, I don't think it will come to that."

Tom then asked the obvious question. Part of his apprehension was because he suspected they would need him to fly the shuttle through the asteroid field and he wasn't sure he could accomplish it in his current state. "I suppose you're going to need me to fly this thing when the time comes?"

"Well, you are the best pilot on board aren't you? Go back and get some sleep, we'll call you when we need you." B'Elanna rose to her feet, placed a gentle kiss on Tom's forehead and headed back to the pilot's seat.

Tom got up from the chair and headed back for the aft section of the _Flyer_, "Okay, but you should know I can only play the hero so much in one day before I lose my touch."

B'Elanna looked back over her shoulder at him, "I'll keep that in mind."

---

Chakotay had been sitting with the doctor through the entire operation. The seriousness of the situation was becoming all too real. 'Just hang on Kathryn, we're on our way,' he thought, hoping beyond hope that she would somehow know how much he was pulling for her.

He kept debating what to tell the crew, but he was pretty sure that word had filtered around by now no matter what he decided. The _Voyager_ family was incredibly efficient at passing information - the rumor mill alone was legendary. Regardless, at this point their knowledge would be limited to the fact that the captain was hurt and they were headed for a rendezvous in space with the _Delta Flyer_. They had not yet been informed how serious her condition was and that she had required surgery on the way. He thought it best right now to keep it that way. No sense in getting everyone worried more than necessary, he could worry enough for all of them. Besides, they would know soon enough.

With nothing left to do in sickbay, Chakotay asked the doctor to keep him informed of any changes in the captain's condition and headed back to the bridge.

---

As Chakotay exited the turbolift he turned to Tuvok and asked for a report. Tuvok quickly responded. "Commander we are on course to rendezvous with the _Delta Flyer_. After our initial discussion while you were in sickbay, Ensign Kim and I, with the assistance of Lieutenant Torres, reassessed our dilithium situation and have increased our speed as much as possible. Lieutenant Torres is already at maximum warp. This will shorten our trip considerably. We have made some modifications to our course as well. We anticipate our arrival at the agreed upon coordinates in approximately five hours."

Chakotay was immediately suspicious. Tuvok, Harry and B'Elanna must have pulled off a miracle, but it was much too big a miracle for there not to be something else he needed to know about. "What do you mean by modifications to our course?"

Harry couldn't wait for Tuvok to explain the rest of their scheme to the commander. He so hoped Chakotay would go along with what they already had underway that he just blurted it out. "Commander, we've conducted some extensive scans of the asteroid field and have identified a weak area where we feel we can safely bring the _Delta Flyer_ through it instead of going around."

Shock was the best way to describe the expression on Chakotay's face. Tuvok and Harry had made a major decision on how to proceed without even consulting him. "May I see the two of you in the ready room?"

There was a brief hesitation on both Tuvok and Harry's part and it only served to agitate an already disturbed Chakotay more.

"Now gentlemen!" he said pointedly when they didn't immediately respond to his request.

Harry and Tuvok made the wise choice and began to move. As they all proceeded off the bridge into the ready room, the rest of the bridge crew wondered if they would emerge with their heads intact.

Before the doors to the ready room closed, Chakotay was already in full swing, "What the hell were the three of you thinking, making a decision that serious without consulting me?"

Tuvok took the first chance at a reply, "I believe the old earth saying is 'It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.' We all felt that your loyalty to the safety of the crew of the _Flyer_ would cause you to make a decision that might further jeopardize the captain's chances for survival. Having no wish to put you in that position, and to take advantage of every opportunity to save Captain Janeway, we exercised the only logical option available to us. Now all that is left is to ask for forgiveness."

Harry almost couldn't believe his ears. He looked purposefully at his boots and bit his lip as hard as he could to keep from laughing. Tuvok had come a long way in the five years they had all been together on _Voyager_. That last statement was almost human.

Chakotay couldn't believe what he had just heard either. He'd been warring with his own thoughts all the way back to the bridge from sickbay. The possibility of attempting the asteroid field had occurred to him as well, but was a difficult choice. If the captain survived, she would probably be mad as hell at him for taking the chance, but if she didn't survive simply because they ran out of time, how would he ever forgive himself. When he arrived on the bridge he was still trying to decide whether or not he could justify putting the crew of either _Voyager_ or the _Flyer_ at such risk. Now he was momentarily at a loss for words as he was faced with the fact that his senior officers had set in motion what he wasn't certain he himself had a right to order.

"Begging your pardon sir, but I'd like you to take a look at this as well," Harry said, handing him a PADD.

Chakotay reached out and practically snatched the PADD from the ensign and turned it around until he could read the display. There on the screen was a request from the crew to proceed with the plan signed by each and every member of the crew, and the first names on the list were those of the members of the away team.

A wave of emotion swept over Chakotay and he struggled for composure. Such a request was unprecedented and it showed just how important the captain was to all of them. She had risked her own safety countless times for each of them, and now they were, by their own choice, taking a chance to return the favor. The stakes were high, but they obviously knew that, and they were still willing to go through with this.

Chakotay shrugged, rubbed his forehead and finally responded, "Alright you two, you win, how can I possibly argue with such flawless logic, and in the face of such overwhelming support. But Tuvok, you and I will have a lot of explaining to do to what I anticipate will be an extremely unhappy captain once she finds out what we did."

"I will consider it an honor."

With that, Chakotay moved to within only a few inches of the two of them, virtually standing in their faces, "However, there still is the matter of the two of you going outside of the chain of command to institute this little plan of yours. If either of you ever pull a stunt like this again, I'll personally toss you in the brig for the rest of the trip. Is that understood?"

Both officers replied with a crisp, "Aye sir."

"Now get out of my sight before I change my mind."

As Chakotay watched Tuvok and Harry leave, he said a quiet prayer to his ancestors that this would work. Making himself comfortable at the desk, he tapped his comm badge, "Commander Chakotay to sickbay."

"Yes Commander," replied the doctor

"Mister Tuvok has just informed me that we will be meeting the _Delta Flyer_ in approximately five hours. Please make all necessary arrangements for the captain's arrival, and inform me of any change in her condition, I want updates as you receive information from the away team. Chakotay out."

TBC


	15. Short Cut

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 15: Short Cut**

_Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff._

_Rating – K+_

"Commander, we're being hailed. It's B'Elanna."

_Voyager_ had reached the rendezvous coordinates on time and had only been waiting a few minutes when Harry announced the arrival of the _Delta Flyer_ on the other side of the asteroid field. Chakotay could swear he heard a sigh of relief from the bridge crew as Harry spoke.

"On screen," said Chakotay.

A very dusty and disheveled B'Elanna Torres appeared on the screen. Ensign Wilkins could be seen in the background and didn't look much better.

"Welcome back Lieutenant. Or should I say almost back. It seems we still have a small maneuver to accomplish before you can dock." Chakotay had yet to give B'Elanna a proper lecture concerning her part in this little stunt with Harry and Tuvok, but he knew now was not the time.

"Yes sir we do."

Just then Tom appeared behind B'Elanna on the view screen and she quickly moved so he could occupy the pilot's seat, "B'Elanna filled me in on the plan a while ago. We're ready when you are."

"How's the captain?"

"She's holding her own for the moment Chakotay, but let's get her home." Tom sounded tired. Chakotay knew he had managed a couple of hours of sleep but not much more. B'Elanna had managed even less. She had been piloting the _Flyer_ all night, only taking short breaks by either setting the small ship briefly on auto pilot, or letting Nick or Seven take over. It was clear that it had taken a lot out of the away team to make it this far.

Once Chakotay had given Harry and Tuvok a chance to think about his lecture, he had called them to the ready room to go over the specifics of their plan. He was well aware of what would be required to pull this off. "Harry, are _Voyager_ and the _Flyer_ in the right positions?"

"Yes sir."

"Route power from all available systems to the deflector grid. Tuvok, charge the deflector. Tom, we'll only get one shot at this. We won't have the power to sustain this for long with such low reserves."

"Understood Commander, we'll make it." Even as Tom said it, he was still trying to convince himself.

"B'Elanna, are the shield modifications ready on the _Flyer_," asked Chakotay.

"All set. Activating shields now," B'Elanna replied. Even with the shield modifications, this was likely to be a pretty bumpy ride. _Voyager_ would literally be blasting a hole in the asteroid field through which the _Flyer_ would make a run for it, but while that hole was being created, the _Flyer_ would be directly in the path of some of the asteroids _Voyager's_ deflector was pushing out of the way. The plan included programming the deflector pulse to minimize the amount of debris that came straight at them, but they all knew there were too many variables for it to work perfectly.

The mood on the Bridge was incredibly tense. Everyone held his or her breath as Chakotay gave the order, "Alright everyone, let's do it; on my mark, three, two, one, now!"

Tuvok activated the deflector precisely on Chakotay's mark and immediately a blue green stream of energy shot out in front of _Voyager_. Within seconds the team on the _Flyer_ could see the color from the pulse light up the asteroid field in front of them. The pulse started out as a narrow beam and then slowly fanned out into a cone shape, essentially forming a funnel for Tom to follow back to _Voyager_.

B'Elanna sat watching the readouts on the console where she was seated behind Tom, "Okay Tom, ready?"

"Ready."

There was a short hesitation and then she gave him the go ahead, "Now!"

Tom quickly responded to her command and they jumped to warp. Almost immediately they began to be buffeted about by the smaller asteroids that were still flying around erratically in their path. The deflector pulse had managed to dispel the majority of them, but some of the smaller ones still remained, ricocheting off of each other like the balls on a pool table. Small was a relative term; small compared to _Voyager_ maybe, but not so small when compared to the _Delta Flyer_. Even with the shield modifications and Tom's expert piloting, they couldn't avoid all of them and the ship was violently knocked sideways several times.

Seven was still in the aft section with the captain. They had strapped her down as best they could in anticipation of the turbulence, but somehow, now that it was actually happening, Seven was overwhelmed with the thought that it wouldn't be enough. Instinctively, she reached over the captain and held tightly to the sides of the biobed, using her own body as added insurance against the possibility that Janeway could be thrown to the deck.

Tom shouted to B'Elanna over the noise of the debris smacking into the hull, "How much longer?"

"Just a few more seconds!"

On _Voyager_, Harry and Tuvok were intently watching their consoles for any sign of trouble. It was Tuvok who ultimately raised the alarm, "Commander, the deflector is losing power. We will only be able to sustain this output for a few more seconds."

"Chakotay to Paris, it's now or never!"

"Acknowledged! Okay folks, hang on, I'm giving it all she's got." The _Flyer_ leaped to maximum warp at Tom's urging and if they hadn't felt as though they were on a carnival ride before, they certainly felt that way now as Tom flew the _Flyer_ from side to side and over and down in a series of dramatic maneuvers that made most of his companions more than a little space sick and the inertial dampers strained to compensate.

As the away team looked out the forward view port and held on to anything nearby for dear life, they could clearly see the deflector beam changing color as it lost power and began to dissipate.

"Oh God!" was all anyone could think of. Nick was the one to actually say it out loud.

As if in slow motion, the deflector beam faded and then disappeared completely, and within fractions of a second the asteroids swiftly reoccupied the space in front of the _Flyer_. Tom could see they only had a few kilometers to go, "Come on, just a little farther…" he said as he fought with the controls.

---

The crew watched the view screen intently as the deflector gave out and the opening in the asteroid field began to rapidly collapse. When the _Flyer_ suddenly shot out at the last possible moment, a cheer went up from many of those watching, followed immediately by an unnerving silence as the gravity of what had just been accomplished finally sank in.

Tom's hail from the _Flyer_ broke the silence, "_Delta Flyer_ requesting permission to land."

"By all means Ensign. Welcome home. Bridge to sickbay."

The doctor had been waiting for news from the Bridge and was quick to reply, "Yes Commander."

"We are docking the _Delta Flyer_ in the shuttle bay. How would you like us to proceed?"

"I will meet the away team there to assess the situation."

"Very well, I'll join you shortly, Chakotay out. Tuvok, would you care to accompany me?"

"Yes Commander I would."

Tuvok had been a picture of Vulcan control through this entire ordeal, Chakotay would have expected nothing less, but he also knew that he and the captain were very good friends and even Vulcans worried in their own way. Tuvok deserved to be there when they brought her back to _Voyager_.

"Very well. Harry you have the bridge."

And with that, Kathryn Janeway's two closest friends headed for the turbolift to welcome her home, even if she wasn't in any shape to know it.

TBC


	16. Home At Last

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 16: Home At Last**

_Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff._

_Rating – K+_

Tom was just maneuvering the _Flyer_ into position on the deck of the shuttle bay when Chakotay and Tuvok arrived. The doctor was already there with a medical kit.

Slowly the hatch on the _Flyer_ was opened and Nick Wilkins stepped out.

"Welcome back Ensign."

"Thanks Commander, I just wish it were under happier circumstances."

B'Elanna followed Nick out and walked directly to Chakotay. "Tom and Seven are still in with her. They didn't know what the doctor had in mind and thought they'd wait until he made a decision in case he needed their help. Nick and I thought it best to just get out of the way."

Chakotay placed his hand on her arm and squeezed it in a gesture of thanks and then headed for the _Flyer_'s open door. B'Elanna grabbed his arm and spun him around, "Chakotay, I just want to warn you, she…"

Chakotay cut her off, "B'Elanna, she can't be any worse than I have imagined myself over the last several hours." He wrenched his arm away and continued on his way.

B'Elanna thought to herself, "I hope you're right Chakotay, for your sake."

---

Tuvok had decided to remain outside for now. The _Flyer_ was larger than a normal shuttle, but at the moment it was going to get a little crowded.

"Welcome back Lieutenant," Tuvok said. "I'm glad to see that you were not injured in the cave-in."

B'Elanna shot him a look that could have melted glass. She was about to respond to him angrily when she realized that this was a genuine inquiry about her wellbeing. She also knew that she was being defensive as she felt responsible for the captain being hurt and she didn't need to take it out on Tuvok over his simple statement. "Thank you Tuvok."

Tuvok picked up on B'Elanna's change of mood instantly, "Is there something wrong?"

"No, not really. I'm just feeling a bit guilty about this whole thing. If Seven and I had been paying attention to what we were doing this never would have happened."

"Guilt is an unproductive emotion Lieutenant. I suggest you concentrate on something else so it does not control you."

She glared at him. His Vulcan logic was flawless, but right now it was also annoying. She felt as though she was being lectured to even though she knew Tuvok was only trying to help. "I understand that Tuvok, but it's not that easy for us mere mortals to turn our emotions on and off, okay!" She hadn't shouted it, but it was close.

"Contrary to popular belief, I do understand your emotion Lieutenant. I too am very concerned for Captain Janeway."

That seemed to defuse things a little. She was still agitated, but at herself, not at Tuvok, and she knew deep down how much Tuvok cared about the captain. They had been friends for years. In his own way, this had to be difficult for him as well. So they stood a silent vigil and waited for everyone else to emerge from the shuttle.

---

Chakotay entered just behind the doctor. They immediately went to the rear compartment and met Tom and Seven. Upon entering, the doctor and Tom went to the computer console near the biobed to review the captains' vital signs. Seven backed out of the way to let Chakotay near the opposite side of the bed. He wasn't able to see her until he was completely alongside the bed as the large panel at the head of the bed blocked his view. When he was finally at her side, what he saw disturbed him more than he had anticipated. Maybe he should have listened to B'Elanna.

Kathryn was deathly pale and wearing an oxygen mask over her face, the latter fairly rare with modern medical techniques. Tom must have had no other way to sufficiently regulate her oxygen intake. Then his eyes caught sight of the gash on her head and another significant wound on her left shoulder, both still swollen and discolored. She was covered with a blanket from her chest to her feet, but her shoulders and neck were exposed, her left arm along her side and her right lying across her stomach. What shocked him the most were the bruises. They were everywhere. From her left shoulder and on down her chest until his eyes met the blanket, and in several places on her arms, her skin was a number of colors it shouldn't have been. He could only guess at what the rest of her looked like. She even had several cuts and abrasions on her exposed hands and face where her uniform had not protected her from the sharper rock edges. The fact that she had so many injuries still visible was a testament to the more severe ones he couldn't see. "Gods Kathryn, what did you get yourself into this time?" he thought to himself.

The sight of her in this condition reminded him just a bit too much of the time they had encountered the Borg and species 8472. She had been severely injured then and he had gone to see her in sickbay when she was unconscious and he knew no one was around. He had felt the need to talk to her, even though he knew she might not ever know he had been there. When he had visited her then, it had been after the doctor had done his work, and even though unconscious she had looked infinitely better then than she did now.

After a few seconds of reflection, he forced himself back to the present. It was time to return to the business at hand, "Doctor, what's next?"

The doctor closed the tricorder he had been using, "We need to transport her to sickbay now. We can discuss things in more detail there."

"Commander Chakotay to Ensign Kim."

"Kim here."

"Transport the captain and the doctor directly to sickbay, main surgical bay."

Harry was tapping his console to initiate transport before he finished his response, "Aye sir."

The doctor and the captain shimmered and disappeared. Chakotay, Tom and Seven turned and exited the _Delta Flyer_ and joined Tuvok, B'Elanna and Nick in the shuttle bay.

Chakotay turned toward the members of the away team, "Well, welcome home."

"Thanks," said Tom.

"In light of what you've all been through, I'm ordering you off duty until Alpha shift tomorrow. You look like you could use the rest."

"If it's all the same to you Commander, I'd like to report to sickbay in case the doctor needs any help with the captain."

Chakotay rested a hand on Tom's shoulder, "Request denied. I know how much you want to help, but right now you look like you're dead on your feet. You've done enough for now. If it means anything, I'm extremely proud of the way all of you have handled yourselves through this. You've given the captain a fighting chance. Thank you."

Tom looked dejected, "But Chakotay…"

"Tom, if he needs you, he'll contact you. For now I want you to at least get a few hours sleep and a decent meal. Then you can check in on the captain. Okay?"

Reluctantly Tom agreed. Looking at the floor he nodded his head. Chakotay was right. Tom wouldn't be of much use to the doctor in his present condition. He was definitely running on the last of his adrenaline rush from the flight through the asteroid field.

Chakotay patted Tom's shoulder again and then dropped his hand, pointing at the rest of the away team, "That goes for the rest of you too, understood? I promise, I'll keep you all informed of the captain's condition. Now get out of here."

B'Elanna slid her arm in Tom's and together they left the shuttle bay. Seven and Nick turned and left as well, going their own separate directions

Tuvok turned to Chakotay, "How is Captain Janeway?"

"Apparently she's stable for the moment. The doctor is going to get her settled in sickbay and perform some more detailed tests now that he can take a look for himself instead of relying on Tom and a tricorder. Let's get down there and find out what's going on," Chakotay said, placing one hand on the back of Tuvok's shoulder. He didn't seem to mind the touch, and the two officers turned and left the shuttle bay in silence.

---

When Tuvok and Chakotay entered sickbay, the doctor was already hard at work. He was leaning over the captain who was lying on the biobed in the surgical area of sickbay.

As they approached, they could see that the doctor had removed the oxygen mask and was slowly moving a regenerator back and forth over her forehead and right eye. Chakotay and Tuvok walked up to stand at the side of the biobed. "Status Doctor."

"Ah, Commander. As you can see I am making progress with the captain's dermal injuries at the moment. I also have several tests and scans running which will give me a clearer picture of her overall situation so I can identify a plan for proceeding. They should be completed momentarily if you and Commander Tuvok would like to stay and hear the results."

Chakotay was a bit taken aback by the doctor's easy manner in the face of the captain's condition, but he had faith that the doctor was doing everything necessary for her care. "Yes Doctor we would."

"I'll meet you both in my office shortly." He motioned toward the office doorway with the regenerator.

Chakotay took that as a subtle hint that they should get out of the doctor's way for the moment. As he turned to walk away, he noticed Tuvok looking intently at their Captain. Anyone who thought that Vulcans were truly unemotional obviously didn't know any very well. Tuvok's concern for his captain and friend was clearly evident. "Come on Tuvok, let's go."

They had only been in the office for a couple of minutes when a beeping noise on his computer console alerted the doctor that his tests were complete. He set the regenerator on a nearby tray, and headed for his office.

He sat down at the console and Chakotay leaned against the desk. Tuvok stood silently behind the commander. There seemed to be an anxious pause and then all at once the doctor's countenance turned much more serious as he started to relay his findings.

"Gentlemen, the captain's vital signs are weak, and she is in critical condition, but she is at least stable. Mister Paris was able to buy us some time with his efforts on the shuttle by addressing the most life threatening of her injuries. I believe I can safely say that she is out of any immediate danger. As for her remaining injuries, that's where things become somewhat complicated and I cannot rule out the possibility that there may be other complications."

"Go on," said Chakotay.

The concern that Chakotay felt had been missing in the doctor's tone when they first entered sickbay was now clearly in evidence, "As you know, she has several broken bones. Many of these breaks will require sophisticated reconstruction surgery to repair. She has also suffered an injury to her spinal cord. While there are no broken vertebrae, the tests indicate that she has suffered a compression injury. There is a great deal of swelling and I believe that is responsible for her inability to move or feel her legs since the accident. While I do not believe there is any permanent damage, we will have to wait and see."

Chakotay dreaded asking this question, but he needed to know. "Doctor, is there a chance that she will be permanently paralyzed?"

"I honestly believe the chance of that is slim. However, I have to be honest with you, she is likely to require extensive rehabilitation and there may be some reduced mobility. I cannot tell for sure until the swelling has gone down. Even with all of our technological advances, I can only do so much."

Tuvok asked the doctor, "How do you plan to proceed?"

"I'm faced with a difficult choice. She lost a considerable amount of blood and the concussion is still a factor. There is a strong possibility that it would be more harmful to heavily sedate her again for major surgery this soon than to wait and give her condition time to further stabilize. On the other hand, the longer I wait, the greater the chance of complications. At this point I believe there is less risk if I give her 24 hours and make my final determination at that time. In the meantime, I will complete those procedures which do not require invasive techniques or sedation."

Chakotay moved away from the desk and stood at his full height, "Very well Doctor, keep me informed of any changes. May I see her?"

"Yes Commander you may. However, I have given her a strong pain medication to keep her comfortable, and she is likely to remain unconscious for several more hours at least."

"Understood." Turning to Tuvok, he continued, "I need you to return to the bridge. We still need those mineral supplies. Set a course for the planet; best possible speed. I'll be right behind you."

Tuvok knew that the commander needed this time with the captain, and he was pleased to oblige. It would be important for Chakotay to become resigned to the situation for him to function effectively on the bridge. "Aye sir. Should I mention anything about the captain's condition to the crew?"

Chakotay shook his head, "No, not yet. I'll decide how we should inform them by the time I arrive back on the bridge. Dismissed," he said, his countenance revealing his emotional state, but his voice clearly indicating he was in command of them as well as the ship.

Tuvok turned and left sickbay as Commander Chakotay walked back to the side of the captain's biobed. He had to admit she looked somewhat better already. The few minutes the doctor had been able to work with the regenerator had made a difference. He even thought her color might have improved slightly. However, he was also keenly aware that these outward signs masked the internal battle still being waged.

He could only imagine what her ordeal had been like to this point. The few parts of it that he had been directly involved in had been hard enough. Whatever was left to this experience, he would be there for her, and so would the rest of the crew, he knew that without a doubt.

He leaned down and whispered to her, "Welcome home Kathryn," then he turned and went back to work.

TBC


	17. The Waiting Begins

The Meaning of Family – Chapter 17: The Waiting Begins 

_Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff._

_Rating – K+_

Chakotay exited the turbolift and was immediately met by the expectant gaze of almost everyone on the bridge. Continuing in silence to the center of the bridge and his command chair, he could feel their eyes on him the entire way. They knew full well that the Flyer had successfully docked and that the captain had been moved to sickbay, however, they had no idea of her condition. They had been waiting patiently for word and now it looked as though they weren't far from getting it.

"Commander, how is she?" Harry eventually asked quietly.

Chakotay smiled; surprised that any of them had let him get as far onto the bridge as he had before making such an inquiry. "Well, since you asked Harry, I guess I'll fill you and everyone else in at the same time. No sense waiting for the rumor mill to send it around. Open a channel to the entire ship."

"Aye sir," Harry said as he rapidly moved his hands over his console, "Channel open."

"All hands, this is Commander Chakotay. I know all of you have been concerned about the captain's situation. She and the rest of her team are safely back aboard _Voyager_." Chakotay sighed softly and then continued, "She is currently stable and being attended to by the doctor in sickbay. However, she is still in serious condition. I will endeavor to keep all of you informed as time permits and I know more. Chakotay out." Chakotay looked back at Harry and nodded to close the comm channel.

Harry did as requested and then his thoughts began to stray to the captain. Their relationship had changed several times during their time on _Voyager_. For his part he knew he had run the gamut of everything from looking at her as a surrogate mother to something that could be best described as hero worship. But circumstances had changed Harry over the last few years; he was now a much different person than the one he was when he had first walked onto the bridge, fresh out of the academy. Out of necessity he'd acquired a level of maturity beyond his years in a very short time. If he had to describe his relationship with the captain now, he would identify it as an easy familiarity coupled with a healthy respect, and it was a far more realistic view than earlier in their journey. He admired her in many ways - her strength of character, her resolve to get the crew home no matter what difficulties they encountered, her incredible intelligence. He had also had a few important glimpses of his captain as a person and he genuinely liked her. He hoped that she would find the strength to survive this latest challenge.

"Ensign Kim."

Harry was startled when he heard the commander calling him. He shook off his daydream and replied, "Yes sir, sorry sir. I guess I was distracted. I was just thinking about the captain."

Chakotay knew exactly what he meant. "Understood, but we have work to do. Let's concentrate on getting that dilithium ore, shall we?" he said, and the entire bridge crew, all recognizing their cue to get back to work for the time being, returned to the other problem at hand. They needed the dilithium now more than ever as they had depleted what little reserve they had bringing the Delta Flyer through the asteroid field.

/\

After Chakotay dismissed them from the shuttle bay, B'Elanna and Tom had gone back to her quarters. Upon entering she began shedding her filthy uniform and headed for the sonic shower. "I feel like I've been covered with this dirt forever."

"I know what you mean," said Tom to her rapidly retreating back, "I was happy I had the chance to get cleaned up back on the Flyer." Visions of his dusty uniform, also stained by the captain's blood, were still fresh in his memory. He moved to the replicator, instructed the computer to produce a cup of tea for him, picked it up when it materialized, and took up residence on her couch.

It only took B'Elanna a few minutes to shower and change. She walked slowly back into the main room of her cabin and looked around for Tom. He was seated on her couch looking intently at the cup of tea in his hands. "What's that old earth saying you taught me, penny for your thoughts?"

He looked toward her as she approached, "That's the one. I was just thinking about the captain."

She sat down next to him and wrapped her right arm over his shoulders, "Surprise, surprise. Seems to be a lot of that going around lately," she replied.

Leaning into her shoulder he spoke again, "Do you think she'll be okay?"

"I'm really not sure, I've seen the doctor work some miracles, but she was in pretty bad shape. I suppose anything could still happen, but why ask me? You should have a better idea about that than I would."

At that moment they heard Chakotay's voice over a ship-wide comm channel. He made his announcement of the captain's condition quickly and ended the transmission.

"Well, that answers part of the question. Reading somewhat between the lines of Chakotay's announcement, I'd say she's obviously not out of the woods yet," said B'Elanna.

Tom looked back at his hands. "Yeah, seems that way doesn't it?"

B'Elanna knew how badly this was affecting him. He'd managed to make himself feel as guilty about this whole situation as she had. "Fine pair we make, both of us trying to own part of the blame for the condition she's in right now."

Tom was amazed at how she had called that one so quickly, but he was equally surprised by her statement that the two of them were both doing the same thing. He was so involved in his own thoughts that he had forgotten how she had felt earlier. He sat up and turned to look her in the eye, "I'm sorry, I guess I know how hard this has been on you too."

"It's okay Tom. It's been a tough day for all of us. It's just, if Seven and I hadn't been so damned irresponsible this would never have happened."

Tom tried to be comforting, but he was pretty sure he had little chance of success. "Maybe, maybe not, you can't know that for sure."

"How can you say that!" she snapped, "You know the captain would be perfectly fine right now if it wasn't for us. If we hadn't been so preoccupied with our own stupidity we'd all still be down on that planet finishing up our mission and waiting for _Voyager_ to pick us up."

Placing his cup on the table before him, he grabbed her by the arms. Raising his voice for emphasis he said, "Look B'Elanna, all I know is that right now the two of us are letting ourselves get carried away by all this. I don't think that's what the captain would want. You know she'd never blame us for anything that's happened. Maybe we should concentrate on doing the same."

The intensity in his voice seemed to defuse her. Her expression slowly relaxed and then she moved toward him and pulled him into her arms. "I'm sorry Tom. And you're right, the captain won't blame any of us, that's what makes this so hard. In a way, I think it would be easier if I could march down there to sickbay, get a good tongue lashing, and put it all behind me. Maybe this is my way of chewing myself out for this since I know she won't. I just want her to be okay."

They relaxed back onto the couch, still holding each other. "Tell you what, I'll try to stop tearing myself up about this if you will," Tom offered.

B'Elanna replied softly, "Okay, you win. I'll try."

Silence then prevailed as they both felt there wasn't anything else to say for the time being. Soon, their mutual exhaustion won out and the two of them were sound asleep.

/\

Seven had been unable to simply return to the cargo bay. She needed companionship, but as her usual choice would have been the doctor and he was obviously busy with the captain, she went searching for another option.

She decided to go to the mess hall. There were bound to be people there shortly as it was rapidly approaching the end of alpha shift. The doors swished open as she approached and she entered slowly and looked around to see who might be there. As she moved farther into the room she heard voices and what could only be described as giggling from the kitchen area. She moved to the counter and looked farther into the room to find Neelix and Naomi Wildman busy with what looked like a tray of cookies.

Sensing a presence, Neelix looked up and to see Seven standing nearby and he rushed toward her. Shaking her hand he said, "Seven, welcome back, we're so glad to see you."

"Thank you, I am also glad to be back."

As with B'Elanna and Tom, Chakotay's announcement interrupted their conversation.

Naomi had followed Neelix out of the kitchen area and was standing next to them when the announcement was made. When the commander signed off, she looked at Seven, "What happened to the captain?"

Neelix suddenly realized that most of the crew would have known about the away team's situation simply by hearing about it while on duty, but Naomi was another story. It was unlikely that she would have been told unless she had been in her cabin with her mother, but Sam was still on duty. Neelix could tell by the look on her face that the announcement had her extremely concerned.

Seven looked at Naomi, "Am I to assume this is the first you have heard of the captain's situation?"

"Yes. Please tell me what happened."

"Yes Seven, I'd like to hear the details as well if you don't mind?" Neelix added.

Seven was hesitant but, after she'd considered it for a moment, she decided that this was exactly why she had come here. She was looking for companionship and now she was being handed a perfect opportunity to talk about the situation in a completely non-threatening environment. She looked at the two anxious faces awaiting her reply and said, "I believe we should sit down. This may take some time."

"Just let me finish putting out the food for dinner and I'll be right with you. Alpha shift should be arriving shortly," said Neelix.

Naomi and Seven moved to a table in the corner of mess hall and waited for Neelix. It didn't take long for him to finish as he was anxious to hear what Seven had to say. When he came over and sat with them, Seven began to tell them everything that had happened on the planet. It actually felt good to tell someone about it. The three of them spent the next hour talking about the accident and trying to reassure each other that everything would be fine with the captain.

/\

Chakotay had been impatiently awaiting the end of the shift. Everything was under control, they were proceeding toward the planet to complete the mining expedition and nothing out of the ordinary was happening on _Voyager_. Except for the fact that she was being commanded by the first officer and the captain was fighting a battle for her life in sickbay. 'Just another normal day in the Delta Quadrant,' Chakotay thought to himself.

He remained on the bridge, even though much of the time his thoughts were in sickbay. It seemed better for the crew if he went about business as usual. It was also his duty as well as what the captain would expect of him. The reality of the situation was that he would not have been much use in sickbay anyway and he was confident that the doctor would inform him of any change in the Kathryn's condition. He laughed a little to himself when he realized he would be extremely happy for a crisis right about now. It would give him something else to think about.

They would be arriving at the planet to complete their mining expedition late tomorrow. Once they arrived, there would be more for all of them to do. He was actually looking forward to it. As he sat contemplating the mission, the turbolift doors opened to reveal several beta shift personnel. Taking this as his cue to leave, he addressed Tuvok, "Commander, you have the bridge. If anyone needs me, I'll be in sickbay checking on the captain."

Tuvok was used to overseeing the change from alpha to beta shifts. It was actually a fairly normal part of their routine. He also knew that Chakotay had more than the usual reason to be leaving as quickly as possible on this particular day. "Understood. If the captain is awake, give her my regards."

Chakotay was already entering the turbolift when he replied, "With pleasure Tuvok."

TBC


	18. Visiting Hours

The Meaning of Family – Chapter 18: Visiting Hours 

_Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff._

_Rating – K+_

When Chakotay arrived in sickbay he noticed the intensity of the lighting had been reduced in the main treatment area and the doctor was in his office. The doctor looked up as he heard the door swish open and closed and he rose from his desk to greet the commander.

"How is she?" Chakotay asked as he entered the office.

Both of them walked to the office window and looked toward the surgical bay. "Not much change really, although her vital signs have improved to a degree."

"If it's alright with you, I'd like to sit with her for a while."

"Suit yourself. I was just about to deactivate myself for a few hours. There's nothing more I can do at the moment."

Chakotay looked mildly disturbed by this statement and the doctor noticed.

"Don't worry Commander, my program will monitor her constantly and reactivate me at the first sign of any change in her condition."

Chakotay only nodded and turned to make his way to where the captain lay. As he stepped up to the biobed he heard the doctor order, "Computer, deactivate the EMH," and with that _Voyager's_ two most senior officers were alone.

He pulled up a stool from the nearby console and settled himself near the head of the biobed. For the first few minutes, he simply watched her. Somehow he found comfort in the steady rise and fall of her chest as she took each breath - so different from when they had spoken while she was on the Flyer. Then, she had struggled for every ragged breath, every word she uttered.

As he sat, his mind began to stray to thoughts of their relationship. Over time they had become close friends, and not just because they were the most senior ranking officers and therefore had the most in common. They had a special relationship and he cherished it. They had been through a great deal together since their time on _Voyager_ began. Fate had made them colleagues, but respect, trust and a million other things had brought them closer and it was a relationship that he knew she cared about as deeply as he did.

Once, long ago, he had hoped for more, but it was not to be, and he had resigned himself to their predicament. Yet part of him was still inescapably connected to Kathryn in a way that he did not fully understand, and since the accident he was almost paralyzed with fear every time he considered what could still happen.

Until their encounter with the _Equinox_, they would more than likely have been sitting across from each other at the table in her dining room at this time of night, having a quiet dinner. They had taken to eating dinner together, usually in her quarters, a few times a week. Gradually they had felt comfortable enough that they could even put the protocol aside once in a while to just talk; and then Rudy Ransom and his doomed ship and crew had come into their lives.

From that time until this, things had not returned to the way they had been before and, as a result, their dinners had been sporadic and their conversations had been awkward. If the truth be known, it wasn't only what had happened with the _Equinox_ either and he suspected she knew it as well. Yet, he was missing those dinners, awkward or not.

Eventually he sat back slightly to read several reports he had brought with him. He hadn't intended to stay that late, but somewhere during his vigil, he rested his head on his arm on the side of the biobed and fell fast asleep.

/\

She hurt, everywhere. And she couldn't think straight. It seemed like a million thoughts and images were circling slowly around in her head and she was trying to catch just one that she could hold onto, but everything remained just beyond her grasp. After a while she simply gave up and let herself slip back into the darkness.

/\

Hours later, she started to come around again, her thoughts somewhat clearer this time. She vaguely remembered Tom pressing a hypospray to her neck on the Flyer as her last conscious thought. Slowly, as the minutes passed and she returned to reality, she remembered more and more of what had happened, and as she did, the pain returned.

'Okay Kathryn, you can do this, open your eyes,' she thought to herself. It was almost as if she was trying to convince herself it was going to be worth the effort. Her eyelids felt as though they were attached to lead weights and opening them was proving a major undertaking, but with great concentration and deliberate effort she finally managed it. Even then it took her a few seconds to focus, but when she was able to, even the limited view she had of the ceiling told her exactly where she was - _Voyager_, and sickbay by the look of things.

As she became more aware of her surroundings, she found she wasn't strapped down like she had been in the Flyer. She could actually move her head a little so she gradually turned it to the side in order to examine more of the room.

The lights were dim, and there was no sound save that of the quiet beeps and chirps of the monitors on the computer console near the bed, and as she turned a little farther, she noticed she had company, albeit, sound asleep company. It was Chakotay.

Yet, before she could put her thoughts together enough to decide what to do, the doctor suddenly appeared over Chakotay's shoulder, "Captain, I see you've decided to return to the land of the living."

'So much for a nice peaceful wake up call,' she thought to herself.

Chakotay stirred next to her at the sound of the doctor's voice, looking somewhat confused until he realized what had happened. He'd fallen asleep, and something must be going on for the doctor to have been activated. He sat up, rubbed his eyes, looked back toward the biobed, and was shocked to find his captain and friend staring at him through heavily lidded eyes.

He spoke quickly to the doctor but never removed his intense gaze from hers, "Doctor, what's going on?"

"Nothing really Commander, my program simply activated as soon as the monitors registered that the captain was awake." The doctor walked over to the console to examine the data displayed there. After no more than a few seconds, he turned back toward the bed, "Can you tell us how you feel?"

She struggled to form an answer to his question in her mind and then tried to speak but it wasn't easy. Her mouth was so dry that when she finally found her voice she sounded as though her mouth was stuffed with gravel. "I've… felt… better."

"I can imagine," said the doctor, "You've had quite an experience." Recognizing that she was having some trouble speaking, he walked quickly to the replicator returning with a glass filled with ice chips, "Here, try some of these." The doctor lifted her head carefully and let a few chips drop into her mouth and she swirled them gratefully around her mouth allowing them to melt before swallowing. It helped immensely. "Thank you," she said.

"My pleasure," The doctor replied as he lowered her head gently to the pillow.

She rolled her head slightly to face Chakotay, examined him for a moment, and then closed her eyes with a slight grimace.

Chakotay was observing her closely. She sounded extremely weak, although he was somewhat relieved that she seemed to be breathing with less difficulty than when he had seen her in the shuttle. While he watched her, she slid a very shaky right hand to her forehead, and rubbed it for a moment until her strength failed her and she dropped her hand with a slight thump to her chest.

"Are you in any pain?" inquired the doctor.

She seemed to think about it for several seconds, then opened her eyes and replied, "Some."

Chakotay looked deeply into her eyes. Knowing her as well as he did, what she had said was an obvious understatement. The darkness he saw in her blue eyes was practically screaming her discomfort. He wasn't aware of whether or not the doctor could see it, but he would not betray his friend and her obvious wish to remain as strong as possible under the circumstances, at least for now. He remained silent, but his heart broke for her.

"I'm sorry if you are uncomfortable, unfortunately that's to be expected. You have suffered some very significant injuries Captain, and it will be necessary to administer heavy doses of medication to manage your pain. I know it will be somewhat difficult, but for the time being you need to try to keep your breathing as relaxed as possible. Do you feel disoriented at all?"

"Not really… Just tired."

"Then I think it's safe to say you're over the worst of the concussion." The doctor pulled out a tricorder and then began running a series of scans on the now fully conscious captain.

She turned to her first officer and inquired in a raspy voice, "The team?"

"They're fine. Came back all in one piece."

"Good," she replied with genuine relief in her voice.

Chakotay smiled a small ironic smile at the recognition that even in her condition her first question was for everyone other than herself.

Feeling stiff from lying on her back for so long, she moved her shoulders slightly and immediately squeezed her eyes shut tighter, craning her neck in response to the intense discomfort.

Chakotay, seeing her obvious distress, reached out and grasped her hand, "Kathryn, take it easy."

She responded by squeezing his offered hand, hard. She seemed to be doing a lot of that lately, first with Tom, then B'Elanna, now with Chakotay, but she was grateful for the contact.

The doctor also noticed what had happened as the monitors on his console lit up like a Christmas Tree. "Captain, you need to try to remain as still as possible." He reached to the tray near the bed, filled a hypospray and pressed it to her neck.

The doctor must have administered something else for the pain because it began to subside almost immediately. She managed to ask "What's my condition?" through gritted teeth.

Chakotay interrupted before the doctor had the chance to start. For some reason he felt he should be the one to tell her. "Doctor, if you don't mind, I'd like to have this discussion with the captain. If we have any questions, we'll call you."

"I don't mind at all Commander. I'll be in my office." The doctor turned and walked away leaving them in relative privacy.

Kathryn turned her head back to face Chakotay. She could see the concern written all over his face. He never could hide his emotions, especially from her. Not really having the energy to talk, she waited for him to explain.

"You've been unconscious since yesterday evening when Tom performed emergency surgery on the Flyer. It took some time for us to rendezvous with the away team and the doctor's been spending the time since we got you home treating your injuries and getting your vital signs stabilized. The severity of your condition has prevented him from performing more surgery until you got some of your strength back."

She was amazed that she'd lost more than a day, but she also had no idea what had gone on to get her back to _Voyager_, and so quickly. She knew that would more than likely be an interesting story, but right now she was more interested in her condition. Chakotay's brief description of her condition wasn't good, but it wasn't devastating either, and she realized he'd left out a very important part, "I understand… but I can't feel my legs."

"I know. You have an injury to your lower back." He hesitated a second, looked her straight in the eye and told her the whole truth, "The doctor has you in a restraining field for now to prevent further damage. He isn't completely sure what the outcome will be, but he said that you have a good chance of a full recovery."

"Which means?"

He squeezed her hand again. "It means that we have a lot of work to do, but we'll get you back on your feet."

She closed her eyes and turned away for a second. She was starting to lose her fragile hold on coherent thought and it was becoming increasingly difficult to focus, but she had clearly heard what he said and was equally clear on the ramifications.

"Are you okay?"

She turned back to him and opened her eyes. "I feel so damned helpless," she managed.

He looked at her with an intensity that she'd rarely seen before. "Kathryn, I'm here for you, for as long as it takes. And I know where I can find a whole lot of other people who'll be here when you need them too. Just concentrate on getting well."

At that moment, the doctor re-appeared. "I hate to break this up, but my patient needs her rest, and it is the middle of the night. Commander, I suggest you return to your quarters and get some yourself."

Feeling suddenly more exhausted than she had only moments before, Kathryn realized that the hypospray the doctor administered for pain probably also contained some sort of sedative. Damn sneaky hologram. But it was probably for the best, she definitely didn't have the energy to continue this conversation right now anyway. Just breathing was proving exhausting and she was using up what little energy she had left over to fight the pain.

"Captain, did the commander answer all of your questions satisfactorily?"

Janeway closed her eyes and then opened them again but very slowly, the lead weights having their way again. Her response was a simple, "Yes… for now."

"Good, then we'll talk more tomorrow. Commander, I imagine I'll speak with you in the morning. Computer deactivate the EMH."

'You can count on it,' Chakotay thought to himself. Turning his attention fully on the captain he focused his eyes on hers with evident concern and spoke gently, "Rest now, we'll talk more about all this later. By the way, Tuvok also sent his regards. He's been just as worried about you as the rest of us, although he'd never admit it." Chakotay hesitated for a moment and then continued, "It's good to have you back."

She said nothing, but nodded in acknowledgment, looking at him intently even as her eyelids started to close again.

He watched her close her eyes completely and remained there holding her hand until he heard her even breathing and felt her grip relax, and knew she had fallen asleep. He released her hand but sat where he was, watching her for a few more minutes. She had spoken to them, but it was obvious by her voice, her breathing and her movements that she was still in bad shape. Even though she was back on the ship and in the doctor's care, he somehow knew there was still reason for worry. Shaking off his gloomy thoughts after a few moments he slowly rose, stretched his stiff muscles, and left for his quarters. But before he had completely exited sickbay, he turned and briefly looked back toward the surgical bay and silently sent her a wish, "Sleep well Kathryn."

TBC


	19. The Awful Truth

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 19: The Awful Truth**

_Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff._

_Rating – K+_

Chakotay entered the mess hall bright and early and headed to the counter to select something to eat. He was trying to decide on something from the array of strangely colored and textured items when Neelix popped his head up from the opposite side of the counter, "Good morning Commander, good to see you. Sleep well?"

The commander picked up a tray and a set of utensils, "Well enough I suppose."

"If you don't mind my asking, how is the captain doing?"

"She's holding her own. I plan to visit her again this morning and get an update from the doctor as soon as I check in on things on the bridge."

"Do you think she's up to visitors, I could bring her something from the kitchen?"

Chakotay looked at Neelix with genuine sympathy. He knew how much the captain meant to this ebullient alien. Neelix spent a great deal of time and effort trying to make life a little easier and more comfortable for her. Chakotay suddenly realized that maybe he and Neelix had a lot in common. He hated the answer he was about to give him but knew it was necessary, at least for the moment. "Sorry Neelix, I'm not so sure that's a good idea right now."

Neelix' mood and expression immediately changed from his normal jovial one to that of profound disappointment. "Oh, I see," he said, his gaze directed toward the floor.

Chakotay tried to be as consoling as he possibly could. Neelix, as the eternal optimist, was obviously hoping that the captain would be back among them quickly. "She'll be okay, it'll just take time. Once I've talked to the doctor today I'll have better information for everyone, and as soon as he allows her to have regular visitors, I'll make sure you're the first one on the list, okay?"

The Talaxian's expression changed again and Chakotay saw a small smile lift the corner of his mouth. "That would be wonderful, thank you. And if you do speak to her, tell her we're all thinking about her."

"I will Neelix, I promise."

Chakotay loaded his tray and headed for a table towards the back of the room where he saw B'Elanna, Tom and Harry already seated. They all looked up at his approach.

"Good Morning Chakotay. How's the captain?" asked B'Elanna.

Chakotay had a feeling that those few words would be the standard greeting he received from just about everyone this morning. "She's doing as well as can be expected B'Elanna." He looked over to Tom, "How are you doing this morning, get some rest last night?"

"Yes I did. I guess I needed it more than I realized. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow," he glanced quickly at B'Elanna, "and maybe even before that." In fact, Tom and B'Elanna had fallen asleep on her couch early and finally made it to bed sometime in the middle of the night.

"Good, I have a feeling the doctor may need your services again fairly soon."

"Anything I can do to help. Just let me know."

Chakotay took a forkful of a greenish-yellow substance that he had chosen for breakfast and placed it in his mouth. He immediately grimaced slightly at the taste. "Anyone know what we're eating this morning?"

All of Chakotay's companions smiled knowingly.

"Not exactly," Harry said. "You know Neelix, every time he gets his hands on a fresh stock of food supplies he starts experimenting. Takes him several days to decide what goes with what and even then it's just his interpretation. After that it takes another few days for several of us to revolt and threaten to destroy his recipe book for things to get back to normal. Seems you picked today's experiment." Harry finished, pointing his own fork at Chakotay's plate.

"Sorry I asked." Chakotay unceremoniously dropped his fork on his tray deciding that maybe he wasn't all that hungry after all. "Well people, what do you say we get to work? We have a mining expedition to complete."

All of them responded in the affirmative and followed him out of the mess hall to report to the bridge.

---

The group from the mess hall strode onto the bridge at exactly 0700 hours, right on time for the start of alpha shift. Tom took his seat at the conn knowing that he would probably need a replacement after Chakotay had a chance to visit the doctor, but it felt good to be back at his normal post again, even if it was only for a while.

Chakotay moved to the command level, took his normal chair and asked for a status report.

Tuvok had arrived on the bridge early, as was his custom when on alpha shift, and was already prepared for the commander's request. "All systems are functioning within normal parameters. We are proceeding on course to the planet as ordered. At our present speed, I anticipate our arrival at approximately 1300 hours."

"Thank you Tuvok. B'Elanna, what's the situation with the warp engines?"

"Nothing we can't handle. It didn't help that we pushed the envelope a little yesterday, but as long as we don't go beyond our current speed I believe we will be fine until we reach the planet."

"Thank you."

With Chakotay's statement, everyone settled into their normal routines on the bridge, although normal certainly wasn't the best word to describe the thoughts drifting through their minds as an anxious silence settled over them.

---

Chakotay stayed on the bridge long enough to review all the reports from gamma shift as well as the logs that the captain had prepared during the away mission. Even though she and her team had not accomplished everything they had intended, her logs contained her original mission plan as well as what had been learned up until the accident. It was all information he and the crew could use to complete the mining operation. Once he had finished reading, he took a deep breath and rose from his seat. "Tuvok, you have the bridge. I'll be in sickbay."

"Very well Commander."

Chakotay started to walk toward the turbolift and then stopped briefly in front of Tuvok's station. "Oh, and Tuvok, gather the senior staff and Ensign Wilkins in the briefing room at 1100 hours."

"Aye sir."

---

As promised the night before, Chakotay arrived in sickbay to check on Kathryn's condition and talk to the doctor about the plan for her treatment. As he entered he noticed the lights were still dimmed in the main treatment area and the doctor was just rising from the chair at his desk where he had been working at his computer console.

"Ah, good morning Commander, come to check in on the captain I presume? Computer, lights fifty percent," said the doctor as he traveled from his office to the surgical bay.

Chakotay met him half way and walked with him to the side of the biobed. As the doctor had suggested, she was sleeping peacefully so he spoke softly in reply. "How is she?"

The doctor pressed a control on the side of the biobed to raise the frame. "Her condition is unchanged and she is still asleep I'm afraid. I included a mild sedative with the pain medication I gave her last night. I thought it was the best way to ensure she would get the rest she needed. I'm running the last of the tests to decide on exactly how to proceed with her surgery, I should have the results shortly if you'd like to wait."

"Yes, I would."

---

Kathryn could swear she heard voices, familiar voices. She just wasn't sure where they were coming from at first; everything seemed so hazy. She felt stiff and sore all over and she could vaguely remember that she was getting tired of feeling that way. Then she noticed the voices again.

At that moment Chakotay and the doctor heard a soft groan. The doctor glanced at the captain briefly and then went about completing his tests as Chakotay moved toward the head of the bed. Leaning on one arm on the edge, he called to her softly, "Kathryn, it's me, Chakotay. Can you hear me?"

She groaned again, turned her head toward him and opened her eyes, blinking heavily from the brightness of the lights above her.

"Hi," Chakotay said, producing a full dimpled smile for her benefit.

"Hi yourself," she replied, still sounding weak, but having much less trouble speaking than even the night before. "What time is it?"

"1000 hours. You're three hours late for bridge duty sleepyhead."

She frowned, "Very funny."

Becoming more serious he asked, "How are you feeling?"

"Sore, and a little groggy. I think the doctor slipped me more than just pain medication last night."

"Good guess. But you needed it. You've had a pretty tough couple of days, remember?"

She closed her eyes and turned her head away from him slightly. Then she responded as she had a flood of unpleasant memories, "I remember." She paused for a moment and then said, "More than I care to."

Chakotay felt suddenly guilty. He had some idea how difficult the last couple of days must have been for her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to remind you of what I'm sure was a pretty unpleasant experience." She didn't respond right away and he became concerned, "You still with me?"

When she opened her eyes and looked at him, Chakotay could clearly see the moisture forming there. She simply nodded her head in acknowledgement.

He reached over and rested his hand on her arm and tried to offer some comfort, "I wish there was more I could do to help you through this."

"I'm just so tired, and everything hurts..."

He squeezed her arm again in genuine sympathy. They looked at each other closely for a few moments, neither one knowing where this conversation should go. It was the captain who finally decided that it was time to change the subject. Maybe that would improve her mood. She squeezed her eyes closed for a second and then reopened them and looked at him with a completely different expression on her face.

"So how's my ship?" she inquired.

"Why, worried I'll break something?"

"Maybe. Been in any shuttles while I wasn't looking?" Between Tuvok, Chakotay and Tom, engineering was kept extremely busy repairing or replacing shuttlecraft on this voyage. It was something the captain liked to use to tease him from time to time.

Chakotay shook his head and feigned a half-hearted pout. "Now that's unfair."

"I know. I couldn't resist. Sorry." Her expression actually did look apologetic, even if the edges of her mouth were turned up in a wry smile.

He shook a finger at her, "Just remember Kathryn, I'll get even when you least expect it."

"I'll keep that in mind," she said, "So how are things, really?"

"Fine actually. We're on course for the planet to complete your mining expedition. We should be arriving in a few hours. I have a meeting in a few minutes with the senior staff to go over our plans."

"And the crew?"

"They're fine. Pretty worried about their captain though."

"They are, huh?" she replied in an overly sarcastic tone and then mentally chastised herself for doing so.

If he'd given any consideration at all to the tiny red alert klaxon going off in the back of his brain, he would never have voiced his next thought, but she had lulled him into a false sense of security. Their conversation had been so normal for the past minute or two that he briefly forgot the reality of her condition. "Kathryn, you know they are. You care about them, what makes you think they don't care about you as well? You just choose not to acknowledge it most of the time. Quite honestly I think it scares you."

His statement certainly got her full attention, "I'd really rather not discuss that right now, Commander."

The use of his rank instead of his name gave him clear indication that he'd struck a nerve. It was obvious her mood was beginning to swing and now she was shutting down on him, using her authority to change the subject. He would like nothing more than to go a few rounds with her over the issue with the crew, but he finally remembered where he was, and why, and his frustration level dissipated immediately. They could discuss this another time when she wasn't flat on her back in sickbay. The doctor had not ruled out the possibility of complications, and in her current condition, an elevated stress level was probably not good.

"Alright, alright, I'll drop the subject. But will you do me a favor? Stop worrying about the ship. Everything is just fine with _Voyager_. You have better things to spend your energy on right now."

Janeway knew that she had been unfair to him and that he had reacted instinctively to her tone of voice. She hadn't really meant what she said, or the way it came out. Subconsciously she knew it was simply a result of the fact that she was warring with her own erratic emotions and she had an extremely short fuse right now. Chakotay had done nothing more than trip over a touchy subject for her. More than anything else, she didn't have the strength to argue, and this wasn't the time or the place anyway. She looked thoughtfully at him and said, "I'm sorry Chakotay, I guess this whole experience is just getting to me."

Chakotay was surprised by her apology. Was her comment merely a statement of fact or a subtle plea for help? He wasn't sure. Under normal circumstances the captain in her would never allow her to admit so easily that something was getting the best of her. She was generally quite a fighter, and an extremely stubborn one at that. If they were anywhere else but with her injured in sickbay, she would have either boldly continued the discussion, or dismissed it with an attempt at humor so as not to have to deal directly with their difference of opinion. Something was really wrong, and it obviously went much deeper than her physical condition alone. He continued to look closely at her for the next few seconds trying to determine how to respond.

Meanwhile, the doctor had been studying the displays on the biobed consoles, as well as those on the wall of the surgical bay. He walked to the tray by the bed, filled a hypospray, and walked back to the head of the bed. He reached down and rapidly injected the captain in the neck and then broke the awkward silence that had settled over the room.

"Captain, Commander Chakotay has just given you some very good advice. You need to concentrate on yourself right now. And since I have your attention, I would like to update the two of you as to my findings concerning the captain's condition."

Chakotay looked into her eyes and spoke for her, "Go ahead Doctor."

"I have completed my tests and have decided to perform surgery to repair your remaining injuries later today. Your condition has stabilized considerably since yesterday, and I would prefer not to wait any longer. Commander, can you make Mister Paris available to assist me?"

"Whatever you need Doc. Besides, Tom was pretty upset when I ordered him to get some rest last night, he wanted to come down here and see if there was anything more he could do. I guarantee he'll jump at the chance to help."

"Have him here by 1400 hours." Turning back toward the captain the doctor continued, "The medication I just gave you will help ease any discomfort you might currently be feeling, but it did not contain a sedative." Looking directly at the captain this time he said, "Nevertheless, I would like you to rest until this afternoon. And just in case you have other ideas, there are restrictions, no visitors without my authorization, and just because you are conscious, don't even think about trying to access the computer. Your remaining injuries are still very serious and I don't want you making things worse, understood?"

Both men waited anxiously for her answer. Even though she was still in serious condition and flat on her back, if left to her own devices it was a distinct possibility that she would find a way to check on the ship and crew, even if it was to talk to the computer from her biobed. They knew that if nothing else she would use it as a diversion to take her mind off of her own situation. "Don't worry Doctor, I'll comply. I don't think I have the energy to fight you on that even if I wanted to."

The doctor was curious at her choice of words, she sounded more like Seven of Nine than the captain, but he chose to ignore it. "I'm not surprised," he said, "you will tire easily for some time. We can't have you overdoing things."

Kathryn was exhausted, she was in pain, she was partially paralyzed, she understandably couldn't use work as a distraction, and unfortunately, she clearly understood the magnitude of her situation. Chakotay had been watching her closely and he noticed that her expression was slowly changing, almost as if a curtain were being drawn across her features.

Her voice now extremely serious, she decided it was time to get the entire situation out in the open and clearly understood. She simply needed to know all the ramifications of her condition. "Doctor, in your opinion, how long will it be before I can return to duty?"

The doctor frowned. He'd told them everything he knew so far and frankly sticking to the facts had been relatively simple. He had almost hoped she wouldn't ask this particular question for a while, to answer it meant dealing with the larger issue of her overall recovery and any discussion of that subject would, by necessity, include some uncertainty, something he felt she probably didn't need to deal with right now.

As he looked at the doctor and awaited a response, Chakotay was convinced the doctor would rather have been just about anywhere but here right at the moment.

"Very well, Captain. The injuries to your ribs and pelvis will require reconstructive surgery which I will complete over the next day or so. During that time I will also be monitoring your back injury and evaluating a course of treatment. Even if all goes well, you will require time to recuperate and there will be a lengthy period of rehabilitation. I had not really wanted to address this with you at this point, but it is probably best that you know. Under the best of circumstances, I cannot imagine you being able to return to duty in even a restricted capacity for six to eight weeks, quite possibly more. As for a full recovery, we'll just have to wait and see, it is simply too soon to know for certain."

"And what if all doesn't go well?" Her voice was very even when she spoke, completely unemotional.

This was another question the doctor had hoped she wouldn't ask, but Captain Janeway was nothing if not thorough. "The worst case scenario is that you will remain paralyzed. At this juncture I simply cannot predict how your spinal injury will respond to treatment. Even with the latest techniques, I cannot promise that you would be able to completely resume your normal duties. However, I should point out that I believe that to be a very slim possibility."

All the cards were now on the table. Both the doctor and Chakotay held their breath in anticipation of her reaction. They certainly didn't expect it to be silence. She said absolutely nothing, turning her head away from both of them and closing her eyes.

"Doctor, would you excuse us?" asked Chakotay when he saw her reaction.

"Certainly Commander. If you need me, I'll be in my office." The doctor exited quickly leaving the two most senior officers on _Voyager_ to cope with the aftermath of his words together.

While he knew they were now alone, Chakotay waited for a moment or two just watching her. Her head was still turned away, her eyes closed, but he knew without a doubt that she was not at rest. She was attempting in the only way she could to put some distance between herself and her current reality, one that Chakotay knew he only reminded her of. "Kathryn?" he said gently.

There was no reply.

"Damn it, answer me."

She finally spoke, but didn't look at him. "Chakotay, I think I'd like to try to get some rest."

Trying hard to contain his frustration, Chakotay continued, "Look, I know this is difficult for you but don't shut me out. You had to have an idea that this was going to be a long haul when we talked last night. And we've gotten over the first hurdle. You're alive. We'll get through the rest of this too. It'll just take time."

Suddenly she turned her head as much as she was able and glared at him. "Time. Something we seem to have a lot of in this damn quadrant. And what if things don't work out and I'm permanently incapacitated in some way? Maybe you should drop me off on some nice friendly planet now before I become more of a burden to you and the crew!" she exclaimed, the exertion of her outburst clearly evident in her expression and the shortness of her breath.

This sounded much too familiar, and it was extremely disconcerting. Their conversations when they were trapped in the area they nicknamed 'The Void' had occasionally sounded like this one. And right now her emotions were on a roller coaster. He hoped and prayed it was only because of her physical condition. "Will you listen to yourself? The Kathryn Janeway I know is determined, strong, intelligent, wise, compassionate and a damned fine officer. Let her be who she is. She'll get through this?"

Her outburst had taken energy that she really didn't have to spare. Now she was again having some difficulty breathing. She looked deeply into his eyes as if searching for something. If only she could feel as confident in herself as he obviously was. What he had said was absolutely right. The Kathryn Janeway he thought he knew was all those things and more. But somewhere in the experiences of the last few years she felt she had slowly lost parts of herself, and she didn't know how to get them back.

As far as most of her crew knew she had held herself together through every crisis, every battle. But each incident had taken its toll and slowly chipped away at her inner resources. The accident had apparently taken the last of them. The exhaustion, pain, fear, and more importantly her struggle to hide it, had torn what little reserve she had left completely away. She finally spoke softly to him, obviously expending great effort to keep her emotions from spilling over. "I don't understand what's happening to me Chakotay, but I'm not sure I know that person anymore."

Chakotay could hardly stand to see his best friend this way. What was worse, he knew that her physical recovery would be very dependent on her emotional state. If she remained in this frame of mind the prognosis could very well take a turn for the worse. At this point he wasn't even sure what to say to her; one conversation wasn't going to change things all that much. He was just beginning to frame a response in his mind when he heard the chirp of his comm badge.

"Tuvok to Commander Chakotay."

Damn that Vulcan and his timing. "Chakotay here. Go ahead."

"It's 1105 Commander. Do you still wish to conduct a meeting?"

He'd been so involved in the current situation with the captain that he'd forgotten the time. "Yes Tuvok, I'll be right there."

Kathryn immediately recognized Chakotay's dilemma. He was torn between his duty to the ship and what he felt was his duty to his captain and friend. "Go, I'll be fine," she actually managed to say with her voice conveying much more optimism than she felt, not wanting his guilt on her conscience.

'Yeah, sure you will,' he thought to himself, but when he spoke, he conveyed none of his uncertainty, "Kathryn, do you remember the conversation we had just before your surgery on the Flyer?"

She didn't speak. She only nodded in response, tears again filling her eyes.

"We agreed that we'd work on this together, remember? Well I'm still holding you to your end of the bargain. You're physically weak, and emotionally drained, and it's affecting your judgment. Give yourself a chance to recover a little before deciding whether or not this is the end of the world."

She just continued to look at him.

"Look, I have to go. Get some rest and I'll see you later. We'll talk more when you're stronger." He slowly leaned over the biobed, placed his hand on the top of her head, and gently kissed her forehead. Normally he would never have even thought of doing such a thing. They were both very careful not to do or say anything that would make their relationship more complicated than it already was. He hoped she would see his gesture as it was intended, a simple expression of comfort and concern for a dear friend.

She looked into his eyes and slowly reached up and placed a trembling hand flat on his chest as she had done so many times before over their years together. He knew that simple movement must have taken great effort given her condition, and it gave him hope. The Kathryn he knew was still there, he was sure of it; she was just confused and lost within herself. He reached for her hand, squeezed it and then placed it gently on her chest. Taking one last long look into her eyes, he turned and headed for the briefing room as she watched him go.

TBC


	20. The Calm Before the Storm

The Meaning of Family – Chapter 20: The Calm Before the Storm 

_Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff._

_Rating – K+_

Chakotay entered the briefing room at 1115 hours. "Good morning everyone, sorry I'm late."

"How is the captain this morning?" asked Neelix before Chakotay had even gotten to the chair at the head of the table.

"We'll talk about that in a minute Neelix. Let's get the rest of our business out of the way first. B'Elanna, I've read the captain's logs concerning the away mission, but none of the rest of us have much information on what you had accomplished on the planet. Can you give us an update on your work up until the time of the accident?"

B'Elanna nodded, and rose from her chair to move to the computer console in the Briefing Room. She had anticipated the need to give everyone a thorough report, so she had spent a good deal of the morning preparing sensor data, transporter logs, and other information from the computer on the Delta Flyer.

Activating the screen she began, "As you all know, we made our first scans of the planet before we even planned the away mission. While the initial scans indicated rich dilithium deposits, they also identified electromagnetic interference which was creating problems for our long-range sensors. We used this information, and more we gathered in transit in the Delta Flyer, to develop a plan of action for our arrival. We chose a landing zone that indicated it was in close proximity to a number of dilithium deposits and set up camp."

B'Elanna accessed a map of the planet's surface indicating the coordinates of their landing area as well as the dilithium deposits they had verified and over the next few minutes she proceeded to tell them all they needed to know about the mining mission up to the point that they had been diverted from their task by the accident.

"Thank you B'Elanna," said Chakotay. "I'd say you made excellent progress while you were down there, even with the mission being cut short. We should be able to finish fairly quickly once we arrive. There's just one piece of the puzzle we haven't discussed. Seven, can you tell us more about this electromagnetic interference?"

"The interference is caused by veins of a luminescent ore that run throughout the cave system. These veins are also highly unstable. We saw evidence in a number of locations of substantial cave-ins similar to the one that injured Captain Janeway. She and Ensign Paris were also in close proximity to one that took place in another tunnel earlier in the mission. Obviously anyone entering the caves should exercise extreme caution. Lieutenant Torres has downloaded the data files from the Delta Flyer to the main computer so you will no doubt have our tricorder records of the ore's composition and crystalline structure so that it can be easily detected. However, it is highly luminescent, and can usually be recognized quickly upon simple visual inspection."

B'Elanna looked over at Seven wondering how she could convey this information so seemingly dispassionately. She lowered her eyes to the table, working hard to manage her building emotions.

When Seven finished, the room was quiet for a few seconds as everyone considered the information that had been discussed so far. Deciding this was as good an opportunity as he was likely to get, Nick joined the conversation. "Commander, may I add something?"

"Absolutely Ensign. That's why I asked you to join us. Go ahead, what's on your mind?"

"Well, B'Elanna and Seven have covered the most important information. There's just one other issue that needs to be considered. We discovered very early on that the temperature on the surface becomes almost impossible to work in during the day. Our original plan called for one team on the surface and one team in the cavern and using tricorders and standard communications to map the tunnels and the deposits. While they never complained, Seven and the captain found out pretty quickly that we needed to come up with another plan. I'm amazed they were able to tolerate it as long as they did. I would suggest that anyone going down to that planet needs to be working inside the tunnels or the shelter unless absolutely necessary, or working at night when it's cooler on the surface."

"Thanks for the warning Nick. Ok people, I want all of you to take what's been discussed under advisement as we make plans for completing this operation. I want three teams down there when we arrive. Seven, you and Tuvok lead one team. B'Elanna and Nick, you lead the second. Harry, contact Joe Carey and form the third. I'll expect all of you to spend the next couple of hours forming your teams and coordinating your efforts for when we arrive."

"Hey what about me?" asked Tom, not wanting to be left out of anything.

"Well, since you asked, that brings us to the other topic on the agenda."

Neelix had been waiting patiently through the technical part of the discussion. Now that he knew the conversation was moving to a discussion of the captain's condition he couldn't contain himself any longer. "Commander, is the captain going to be alright? Why haven't any of us been allowed to see her, a lot of the crew have been asking about her and I don't know what to tell them, and…"

Chakotay held up his hand as if to ward off a blow, "Easy Neelix, I was just about to tell all of you what's happening. Tom, the reason you won't be accompanying the away team is that the doctor will be needing your services in sickbay."

Tom had a feeling he knew exactly what he was needed for. The doctor must be ready to perform the next round of surgery. When he replied, his tone of voice was much more serious than it had been seconds earlier, "When does he want me down there?"

B'Elanna glanced over at Tom, a troubled expression on her face. She knew how difficult it would be for him to have to assist with another operation. At least this time, he really would only have to assist.

"1400 hours," said Chakotay.

"I'll be there."

"Now, about the captain. While I plan to be as honest with all of you as I possibly can, since as her senior staff I feel you have a right to know, what I say to you now goes no further. I will tell the rest of the crew what they need to know when I feel they need to know it and not before. Understood?"

Chakotay paused long enough for his first statement to sink in.

"Commander, I don't mean to interrupt, but do you want me to leave now?" Nick had no intention of sticking his nose in where it didn't belong.

"No Ensign, I'd like you to stay. You were as much a part of her rescue as anyone, you've earned the right to be here, and I think she would want you to know."

Nick was proud he was being included in this. He silently promised the captain and himself that he wouldn't divulge anything he heard. "Thank you sir, I appreciate your confidence."

Chakotay continued, "The captain sustained severe injuries in the cave-in. If it weren't for the actions of the away team members, she would not have survived long enough to return to _Voyager_. I commend each and every one of you for your part in the effort to bring her home. However, she is not out of the woods yet. The doctor has to perform more surgery to repair multiple broken bones, and as many of you know, she has also suffered a spinal chord injury that has left her partially paralyzed."

The room was quiet for a long moment and then Harry was brave enough to ask the question that was on everyone's mind, "Commander, did the doctor say whether or not he felt the paralysis would be permanent?"

"He can't be certain at this time, although he feels fairly confident that it won't be. But he did indicate that she will most likely require extensive physical therapy in order to fully recover."

"Has she regained consciousness?" B'Elanna asked quietly.

"Yes she has. I've been able to talk with her a couple of times. She first woke up late last night and I was able to speak to her briefly. I saw her again this morning before this meeting. For those of you that were with her on the Flyer, Tom's handiwork seems to have been successful. She's still having some trouble, but for the most part, her breathing is back to normal.

Tom was immensely pleased and he spoke out loud before he even realized it, "That's a relief!"

Chakotay just looked at him thoughtfully and then began to speak again, "As you would imagine she is extremely weak and in some pain. But, as I mentioned, she has been able to talk to both the doctor and myself for short periods without much difficulty. She is fully aware of her condition and is dealing with it as well as can be expected." Chakotay then fell silent and lowered his gaze to his hands where they were folded neatly on the table. What he had told them about her doing as well as could be expected was largely the truth. Of course, just whose expectations were considered made a significant difference to just how truthful the statement was.

After a long pause, Neelix ran his fingers across his eyes and then spoke. "Is there anything we can do for her Commander? Is she allowed to have visitors?"

Chakotay lifted his head to reply, "There's nothing any of us can do at the moment Neelix. I imagine we'll know more after the surgery. If you really want to do something, you can keep the gossip to a minimum among the crew. The doctor would also like her to rest as much as possible before her surgery this afternoon. He did say she could have visitors, but not without authorization. So, if you have a desire to see her, please speak to me or the doctor first. Are there any more questions?" The group just shook their heads, looking more than a little numb. "Very well then, thank you all. You know your assignments, let's get to work. Dismissed."

As the staff exited the briefing room, Nick and B'Elanna met briefly and decided to meet in engineering in an hour to finalize plans for their away mission once they arrived at the planet and then they both headed in different directions to begin the preliminary work. As he walked toward the turbolift, he couldn't shake thoughts about the captain. Commander Chakotay had been very forthcoming with them about her condition and he was worried. While they were on the away mission he'd had the chance to be up close and personal with her for the first time since being assigned to _Voyager_ and he had genuinely liked what he saw.

Like most of the crew on the ship, he'd avoided passing judgment on their captain as much as possible. They were trained to follow orders and not ask too many questions. They were also loyal to their oaths to Starfleet even if they weren't predisposed to be loyal to Kathryn Janeway herself. For the most part that was a solid policy since she had kept most of them alive out here so far. And more specifically it looked as though there actually might be a chance she would keep her promise and get them all home. At least up until the accident in the cave.

Most of them only saw her in the corridors, the mess hall or on the holodeck. Occasionally some of the crew would be assigned to an away mission she was on, but it was fairly rare. For most of them, they only knew her from a distance, not all that unusual an occurrence on a starship, even one with a relatively small crew such as _Voyager_. But she still held a kind of fascination for the crew. It was in part simply because she was the captain, but it was also due in this case to who she was as a person. She had a certain charisma and people were just drawn to her. So for many of the crew there was a kind of curiosity about who she was underneath, what it was like to know her, to work more closely with her, to know what made her tick.

Nick felt privileged to have had the opportunity to answer some of those questions for himself. He now knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was the glue that held this diverse group of refugees together and he knew _Voyager_ would be a much different place without her. Chakotay had said it would be okay for her to have visitors as long as it was cleared first and right now he simply felt compelled to try to see her. Waiting behind until Commander Chakotay exited the briefing room Nick approached him with his request, "Commander, may I speak with you?"

"Certainly Nick, what can I do for you?"

His nervousness was reflected in his voice, "I know it's a lot to ask, but I would very much like to visit the captain. Do you think it would be alright?"

Chakotay thought about it for a moment, he wasn't sure that he should allow Nick to see her in her current condition. Her state of mind was not the best, and he knew her feelings about appearing less than commanding to any of her crew. But Nick had been on the planet with the away team and had participated as much as anyone in her rescue. They had truly been a team down there and maybe it would be good for both of them to allow Nick a brief visit. "You sure about this?" he asked.

Nick's eyes lit up at the prospect of gaining the commander's permission. "Very sure sir. I'd like to help if I can. The captain made quite an impression on me down there. She's one special person."

Chakotay smiled broadly, his doubt about the visit evaporating, "That she is Ensign, that she is…" He tapped his comm badge, "Chakotay to sickbay."

"Yes Commander." The doctor's voice sounded annoyingly cheerful.

"I'd like to give Nick Wilkins permission to visit the captain if it's alright with you." Nick stood stock still looking at his boots, his youth and apprehension showing. He was silently praying to get the doctor's permission, but was uncomfortable about the prospect as well. What would he say to her, where would he start, would she appreciate his visit or be angry and embarrassed by his invasion of her relative privacy…

His thoughts were interrupted by the doctor's reply. "She is resting comfortably at the moment. The Ensign may visit if he wishes, but only for a few minutes."

"He'll be there shortly, Chakotay out." Chakotay looked at the obviously nervous Ensign, and was proud of him. It took a lot of courage to make this request. Obviously his concern for his captain was stronger than his fear, although right at the moment Nick was just standing there as if welded to the deck plates. "Well Ensign what are you waiting for? You haven't got much time before I need you on that away mission. Dismissed!"

"Ah… nothing sir… yes sir… I mean… thank you Commander." Now encouraged by the thought of being able to see her, Nick turned away from Chakotay and increased his pace as he headed down the corridor.

* * *

Within the space of five minutes Nick was entering the doors to sickbay and was being greeted by the doctor. 

"Welcome Ensign, you say you wish to visit the captain?"

"Yes sir, I do. I'd like to help if I can." He was still incredibly nervous about this, but he wasn't going to back out after coming this far.

"You'll find her in the surgical bay, but only a few minutes, she still needs to rest."

"Aye sir."

The doctor turned and headed back toward his office, continuing to the laboratory just beyond.

Nick walked slowly to the surgical bay and up to the biobed. "Captain Janeway?" His voice sounded nervous, even to himself, but maybe the captain wouldn't notice.

She hadn't been sleeping, but Nick had approached so quietly that she hadn't heard him. It startled her a little when he spoke to her. She looked up quickly to see him standing beside her, looking more than a little intimidated. "Nick?" She was surprised to see him here, and she didn't really feel up to a visit, but she appreciated his obvious concern, "It's nice to see you survived our little adventure unscathed."

Her expression was more normal than he would have expected given her condition, but her speech was somewhat tentative. He assumed it was probably residual from her breathing problems. "I wish I could say the same for you Captain. How are you doing?" He thought it best not to let on that the commander had filled them in on the high level information ahead of time.

"Well, I'm still here." She hesitated for a moment, swallowed hard and then continued. "You and the other members of the away team went above and beyond the call of duty to bring me back to _Voyager_. Thank you."

The conversation was slowly getting easier for him. He knew it was because her tone and expression were totally disarming. He also knew that she was probably putting up a good front for him. She honestly didn't look good and must feel even worse. The nightmare of the cave-in was still fresh in his mind. The uncertainty of not knowing what had happened to her, and then having to be witness to her suffering as they tried to get her out of the cave, had been difficult enough for her rescuers. He knew for certain that he could never have handled it as well as she had if it had been him in her place. It only served to make him respect her all the more. "You're very welcome Captain. I'm just glad we made it in time. You were in pretty rough shape."

"I guess I was. Sorry to make myself such a burden."

Nick could tell by the sound of her voice that she was already starting to tire from their brief conversation. "Please Captain, don't apologize. Up until the accident I was thoroughly enjoying the mission. It was nice to be able to get to know you and some of the members of the senior staff a little better. It's not often that those of us who aren't assigned to the bridge get to work with you. I consider it an honor."

Nick's good wishes reminded her of something Chakotay had said to her earlier. If Nick was any indication, maybe she didn't have so much to worry about when it came to what the crew thought of her. "I'm glad I got to know you better too."

He was pleased that she seemed to appreciate his sentiment. He sincerely meant every word of it, and even if it had been a bit difficult to come here in the first place, he was glad he'd said it. Suddenly nervous again he said, "Listen, the doctor said not to stay too long. I just wanted to let you know we're all pulling for you."

During their conversation, Nick had inadvertently moved closer to her and had set one hand on the side of the biobed. She reached over and placed her hand on his to emphasize what she was about to say, "Thank you Ensign. Right now that means a lot." What she didn't realize was that her touch of his hand meant as much to him as his words had meant to her.

"Any time Captain. Now, I really should go before the doctor tosses me out on me ear. I have an appointment with B'Elanna shortly anyway. We're going to be leading one of the teams to finish mining when we get back to the planet. You take care of yourself, okay?"

"I'll try," she said softly. He smiled and moved his hand away from hers, then turned and left sickbay.

TBC


	21. Just When You Think It's Safe

The Meaning of Family – Chapter 21: Just When You Think It's Safe… 

_Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff._

_Rating – K+_

Tom Paris entered sickbay for the first time since the away team had arrived back from the planet carrying an uncharacteristic nervousness in the pit of his stomach. Glancing briefly at the darkened surgical bay he continued on to the doctor's office. As he approached, he noticed the doctor was poring over the data displayed on his computer console. "Okay Doc, 1400 hours as ordered. What's on the agenda?" he quipped, making light of the circumstances in an attempt to banish the butterflies.

"Ah, Mister Paris. I was just going over the captain's test results one last time. We will be doing reconstruction surgery today. Depending on how she tolerates the anesthesia, I'm hoping we can make significant progress, although it could take several hours to complete the task. Obviously, the fewer of these sessions we have to put her through the better."

"Understood, where do we start?"

"You start by going to see how the captain is doing. I'll join you in a minute."

"Whatever you say Doc." Tom picked up a medical tricorder and slowly walked out of the office and moved toward the surgical bay. As he approached he could clearly see the captain and he noticed she was staring at the ceiling. Opening the tricorder as he approached, he quickly checked her vital signs. "Good afternoon Captain, how are you feeling?"

"Fine Tom." She replied so softly that he almost didn't hear her.

"May I sit down?"

"If you want."

He reached for a nearby stool, pulled it over and sat. He observed her for a couple of seconds since he hadn't seen her since they had arrived back on _Voyager_. She seemed pretty weak, but then she had good reason. "Is there anything I can get for you?"

When she replied, her voice was still somewhat faint, "Maybe some water if you don't mind."

"Don't mind at all. Be right back." He walked to the replicator and returned quickly with a water bottle. He held it close to her mouth and let her take a drink.

She took a few swallows then moved slightly to indicate she was finished. "Thank you," she said, finally turning to look at him.

"You're very welcome. Glad to see you're doing better than the last time I saw you."

"I hear I have you to thank for that, although I'm not sure I'd call this better."

He wasn't sure if she was being serious or sarcastic or some combination of the two, but at least she was talking. "It was my pleasure. I'm just glad I could help. I have to admit I was scared to death at first, but the doctor said I didn't have a choice, and I couldn't let you go out without a fight."

When he finished speaking he waited for some kind of reply, but instead she was just staring at him so he continued, "Captain, I do believe that's the first time I ever managed to get you speechless. Usually you've got plenty to say to me. Even if it's just to chew me out for one of my lame-brained stunts." Was that an honest-to-God smirk on her face? He could hardly believe it.

Suddenly, without even realizing it was happening, her sarcastic sense of humor came to the fore and particularly because she was in the presence of the one person on her senior staff who seemed destined for all time to distract her. "Watch it Ensign, if I bust you any lower, you'll be calling Neelix 'Sir'." Unfortunately it was only a momentary diversion. Once she'd said it, the smirk vanished and she quickly became quiet, looking up at the ceiling again.

"Ouch," he said, holding his hand briefly to his chest as if wounded. She rolled her eyes in response. He lowered his head down almost beside hers and craned his neck to peer at the ceiling. "So, something interesting up there, or have you just been passing the time counting the tiles?"

"Thanks Tom."

"For what?" he asked as he sat up.

She focused her tired blue eyes on his. "First, for trying to cheer me up. And second, for saving my life. I think. The jury's still out on that one."

"Captain, everything will be fine, you'll see. And we're all here to help. Don't forget that."

The doctor chose that moment to arrive on the scene and Tom somehow felt like he'd just had an opportunity snatched from his grasp. She had sounded as though she could stand a little more encouragement.

"Mister Paris, I thought I asked you to check on the captain, not engage her in a lengthy conversation."

"Sorry Doc, just passing the time," he replied even as he held eye contact with his captain.

"Yes, I can see that. Captain, did you manage to get some sleep?"

"Some."

"Good, I'm glad you were able to get some rest without the need for a sedative. I also want you to know that Mister Paris and I will be performing surgery this afternoon as we discussed earlier. The quicker we get you on the mend the better. Do you have any questions before we get started?"

She finally looked away from Tom and shook her head indicating she did not. "Just get on with it Doctor."

That wasn't quite the response he had expected, but the situation she was dealing with would give anyone a short fuse. It was frustrating to him that he wasn't programmed to be a counselor. Those skills could really come in handy in circumstances like this.

As for Tom, he was still bothered by her apparent disposition. It was almost like a quiet resignation, to what he wasn't sure. If asked, he would never have listed that as a Janeway trait. Unfortunately they didn't have the time to delve into it right now. Her physical condition was still the greatest concern.

"Mister Paris, would you prepare a hypospray? It's time to put the captain back to sleep."

The doctor's voice shook him free of his thoughts and he did as asked, gently pressing the hypospray to her neck. "See you soon, okay Captain?" Tom said.

She looked him in the eye again, but didn't reply. Then she slowly closed her eyes and drifted into unconsciousness as the drug took hold.

* * *

It was now 1700 hours and Chakotay was in the captain's ready room keeping himself as busy as possible to keep his mind on what was going on down in sickbay. He'd just finished going over the first reports from the away teams and they were making remarkable progress thanks to the earlier work done by the captain and her team. 

Since they were working in the tunnels where day or night made no difference, and they had an ample supply of manpower, the team leaders had set up multiple shifts. The next shift was just about to start and Chakotay was staying on the bridge through the transition just in case something came up that needed his attention. He anticipated that handling it this way would get them finished with their mining operation and headed back on their journey to the Alpha Quadrant in no time.

Picking up a cup of tea from the desk, he rose and relocated himself to the sofa near the viewport to studying a report from Joe Carey stating that they had already incorporated the first of the dilithium into _Voyager's_ systems and were again operating at close to peak efficiency. Most of the remaining mining would now be done to replenish their reserves, a good idea in the Delta Quadrant. Ample supplies of dilithium weren't easy to come by, and even when they could be found, they were often controlled by a less than friendly alien race.

The sound of the door chime pulled his attention toward the door. "Come in."

It was B'Elanna.

"Back from the planet I see."

"Yup. Nick and I just finished handing off to the next shift."

Chakotay motioned for her to join him. She moved to the upper level of the ready room but did not sit. As she stepped up beside him she handed him a PADD. "Here's the most recent report on our progress. Seven and I spent some extra time with them to show them the finer points of avoiding getting caught in a cave-in. Something the two if us should have paid more attention to on the first trip." There was definitely a note of sarcasm in her voice; Chakotay was pretty sure he could hear a hint of anger as well. She was edgy and wasn't managing to hide it well.

"Something go wrong down there B'Elanna?"

"No, everything went fine. It's all in the report. Why do you ask?"

"Well, if you don't my mind saying so, you seem a little tense."

If B'Elanna had looked less than happy when she arrived she was downright exasperated now that Chakotay had noticed it. "I suppose I am, but it has nothing to do with the away mission." Pulling herself around to face the other direction and walk several paces away, she finally came to rest with her hands gripping the railing that created the boundary between the upper level sitting area and the rest of the room.

Chakotay smiled inwardly for a moment as he watched her. Now that she was at least stationary, she was far from still. B'Elanna was one of the most physically expressive individuals he had ever had the pleasure to know. It was almost as if her emotions were as fully connected to every muscle in her body as they were to her brain. Even standing where she was she gave the impression of a cheetah poised for the chase. But his amusement was brief. Something was truly bothering her and she was obviously going to make him pry whatever it was out of her. "So what does it have to do with?"

"It's nothing I can't handle, let's just drop it okay?" she said, although from the way she said it, it was more of a statement than a true question.

"Not if you want out of this room any time soon."

She turned and looked directly at him and blurted out, "Okay, if you must know, I guess I'm still feeling guilty about the captain." And that was it, matter of fact, to the point, end of discussion.

But Chakotay wasn't going to let that torpedo fly without digging deeper. "Why would you feel guilty about that?"

B'Elanna looked at him with a mild expression of shock on her face, "You mean you haven't heard?"

He was genuinely confused now, "Heard what?"

"Chakotay, the accident was our fault; Seven's and mine. I can't believe no one has said anything to you. I thought for sure since you said you talked to the captain…"

"She didn't say a word B'Elanna. Only asked how all of you were. Maybe you better tell me what happened; the whole story."

* * *

She was standing in a darkened tunnel similar to the ones they had encountered on the planet, and yet this one was different somehow. There was a gray mist that hung near the floor and although there shouldn't be any light here, she was able to see. She wasn't sure where she was, but she felt compelled to walk forward deeper into the tunnel, but this also felt odd to her; how could she be walking when she'd been hurt? 

As she moved slowly through the mist she noticed she was coming to a large open cavern with several visible tunnels leading from it, dark maws alluring yet intimidating at the same time. Walking farther into the cavern she could hear what she thought were voices, but she couldn't tell where they were coming from or what they were saying. They seemed to be coming from all directions and then echoing in the vastness of the chamber, and they were growing louder.

As the voices became louder and louder, she began to be able discern what some of the voices were saying. They were taunting, condemning… "You brought us here, we'll never get home… I'll never see my wife and children again… It's your fault they were killed, you sent them on that mission… I waited for you Kath, you never came back… You never accepted us because we're not Starfleet…" and on and on incessantly, her accusers continuing to recite a litany of judgment not seeming to know that the ultimate verdict she had already pronounced on herself… guilty.

The commotion was becoming unbearable and she began to frantically search from one tunnel opening to another trying to decide which one to take to get away from the ever increasing cacophony of sound. As she spun in circles looking for a way out, she clamped her hands over her ears to try to muffle some of the noise, so loud now that it was almost painful.

Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and she dashed down the nearest tunnel. Immediately the sound died down and she could only hear one voice. She couldn't understand the words, but she was sure that it was coming from farther down the tunnel she was now in.

Slowly, carefully, she made her way along the tunnel, eventually coming to a bend in the passage that she couldn't see around. She continued on anyway, becoming more and more apprehensive about what might lie ahead. When she finally emerged from the bend into a straight section of the tunnel, someone was standing in the shadows several meters in front of her. She couldn't make out who it was in the gloom and darkness, but she instinctively felt afraid.

She stopped where she was, but the unknown being was somehow getting closer to her without any outward signs of movement. It seemed to float through the gloom. As the shadowy figure moved closer her fear became intense and she tried to turn and run back out of the tunnel the way she had come but she found she could no longer move. She began to struggle, but her feet were fixed to the floor where she stood. Looking down, she discovered that a pile of rock now surrounded her legs and feet, completely trapping her - paralyzing her once more, in its cold, hard grip.

Turning back to see where the figure was, she was horrified as she could recognize who it was. The figure was now no more than a meter from her and had moved into an area where there was enough light to make out its features. It was Ransom, or what was left of him. His skin was white as a sheet with what appeared to be blood on his face and neck and menacing sunken eyes that stared right through her. He moved directly up to her, looked at her with those terrifying eyes and said, "Think you're better than I am do you? Starfleet protocol… Almighty Prime Directive… Personal honor… Meaningless here… All meaningless. Survival, that's all that matters… Survival… By any means possible! You'll see… You can't hold out forever…"

He just kept circling her, berating her as he went, shouting the same things over and over and over. She clasped her hands to her ears again but the specter just kept coming closer and closer until she could feel his cold breath on her face. He reached out and grabbed her around the throat and began to squeeze until she could no longer breathe. Her vision began to fade, and as she was about to pass out, all she could hear was his awful voice repeating, "You'll end up like me, you'll see, you'll end up like me, you'll see…"

* * *

Chakotay was still surrounded by a mountain of work after he had talked to B'Elanna. He now knew exactly what had happened on the planet. The communications with Nick Wilkins during the ordeal had given him some of the information but he was now keenly aware that it had not been even half of the story. He had dismissed her back to her quarters to get some rest and had admonished her not to let this get to her. Once the captain was up to seeing visitors he would suggest to her that she should talk to B'Elanna. 

But in the mean time, he had a lot to do. He and Kathryn usually split the task of going over reports. But it was all falling to him right now. He took a quick look at the chronometer on the computer console on her desk and realized that it had been several hours since they had arrived and he had sent Tom to sickbay. She should be well into the surgery by now. He looked out the viewport and silently prayed everything went well.

* * *

From the doctor's perspective, things had been going smoothly for the last several hours. He had managed to reconstruct the captain's shattered ribcage without too much of a problem, although he had resorted to invasive surgery to complete the process. There were bone fragments throughout her chest and lower abdomen, and a significant amount of associated tissue damage, simply too much to be handled any other way. He had checked her thoroughly when that was completed for any sign of trouble and, determining that she was strong enough, had done the same with her fractured pelvis. She would have to remain in an osteogenic field for some time to handle bone, muscle and tissue regeneration, and there would eventually be some minor surgery remaining to remove some of the hardware he'd used to hold everything together until her bones could heal, but he felt she was now through the worst of it. She would be stiff and sore for a long time, and require physical therapy to regain the strength in the surrounding muscles, moreover, there was still her back injury to contend with, but all things considered, the operation had gone remarkably well, until now. 

Warning lights and sounds began to go off on the computer consoles in the surgical bay. Tom checked the readouts, "Doctor, I'm detecting a problem with the captain's vital signs. Pulse, respiration and blood pressure are all dropping," he said, his anxiety growing with every word.

In his own way, the doctor was as alarmed by this turn of events as Tom was, but he had no choice but to complete what he was doing or he could make the situation worse. "I'm almost finished here Ensign, give her 20 mg's of cordrazine and call out any changes to the readings."

The doctor finished quickly, but the medication Tom had administered wasn't stabilizing her vital signs.

"Doc, they're still falling…"

Just then they heard a steady high-pitched hum from one of the monitors on the biobed. "She's in respiratory arrest. Cortical stimulator, now!" exclaimed the doctor.

Tom did as instructed as rapidly as possible and the doctor generated several pulses through the stimulator, but nothing seemed to help. "Doctor, we have to do something!" Tom was close to panic. All he could think about was that after all she'd been through, that after they had all been so grateful to have her back, they were about to lose her anyway.

TBC


	22. Fear and Hope

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 22: Fear and Hope**

_Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff._

_Rating – K+_

Sickbay was deathly quiet except for the steady hum of the life support system operating in the surgical bay. According to the doctor, a blood clot had caused a pulmonary embolism, a fairly rare complication in the twenty-fourth century, but because of the circumstances surrounding the accident as well as the nature of her injuries, the captain bad been subjected to some less than optimal medical treatment over the last few days and it had taken its toll. This particular complication could not have been anticipated or prevented.

Regardless, Tom was feeling very guilty. She was alive, but on life support and in a coma. How had things gone so wrong? He heard the doors swish open as Chakotay charged into sickbay and headed straight for where the doctor was seated in his office, making it from the bridge to sickbay in record time after the doctor's hail.

"What the hell happened?" Chakotay yelled.

"An unexpected complication Commander, I'm sorry."

"So I gather I'm supposed to be comforted by that? My God Doctor, what more could possibly go wrong?" He wasn't so much asking questions anymore as he was venting his anger.

The doctor rose from his seat and grabbed Chakotay by the arms. "Commander, I know you're upset. We're all deeply concerned about the captain. But you're anger will not help the situation. Please try to calm down."

Chakotay wrenched his arms away and took a deep breath, "Alright, I'm calm. Now tell me what's going on."

"She went into respiratory arrest during surgery. I've repaired the damage, but as a result of the loss of oxygen to her brain on top of her already weakened condition she's in a coma and I've had to place her on life support. If and when her vital signs improve and her own systems are able to take over their normal function, I will remove her from life support. I will monitor her very closely, but I'm afraid there's nothing more I can do. The rest is up to her."

"Great, just great," said Chakotay. His volume was slightly lower than when he had first entered sickbay, but his tone clearly indicated his agitation.

"Commander, I have faith in the captain. She'll fight her way back to us, even in the condition she's in."

Chakotay looked at the doctor. Sometimes it was truly amazing that this man was in actuality a hologram, but Chakotay knew more about the captain's mental state than anyone did, and he had his doubts about just how much fight she had left. He let it pass for now. "Okay Doctor, point taken. However, I will not accept that there is absolutely nothing that can be done to help her. There has to be something we can do."

"Do you have something in mind?"

The commander began to pace back and forth in front of the doctor's desk, "Not at this point, I guess I'm just searching for alternatives."

"Commander, I know how you feel, and I promise you, I will consider all the options available. But the simple fact is that she may come out of this in ten minutes, ten days, or not at all."

Chakotay stopped, taken back by the doctor's statement. He was trying to be positive about all of this, but the doctor was right. He moved his hand to his face and vigorously rubbed his forehead. This was all beginning to be too much. "Thank you Doctor. Please don't discuss the captain's condition with anyone until I have had a chance to decide how to handle the situation."

"Of course."

"May I see her?"

The doctor merely nodded looking at the carpet and Chakotay moved out of the office and into the surgical bay. Tom was still standing near the captain's biobed and had heard the entire discussion between the doctor and the commander, it would have been next to impossible not to.

Tom decided he needed to say something, anything, so he went for the obvious, "Chakotay, I'm so sorry, I…"

Reaching a hand up to rest on Tom's shoulder Chakotay cut him off in mid-sentence, "It's okay Tom, I know you and the doctor did all you could. It's a miracle she'd done as well as she had up till now in her condition. I guess we're just all so used to her being indestructible, that we never considered something like this."

"You're probably right. I just wish things were different."

"Me too. Listen, could you give us some privacy?"

"Sure thing," Tom said as he turned to walk toward the doctor's office.

Chakotay turned his head and quietly called after him, "Oh, and Tom?"

Tom stopped in mid-stride and turned back toward the commander. "Yeah, I know, don't say anything to anyone. But is it okay if I talk to B'Elanna?"

"I understand. Just tell her I said to keep everything confidential for now." Then as Tom continued on his way, Chakotay turned and walked over to the biobed, pulled a stool up to the head of the bed and sat down.

He simply sat and looked at her for several minutes, taking it all in. She was pale again. At least much more so than she had been that morning. Her chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, but one that was not of her own making. The apparatus attached to the biobed, and the associated appliances affixed to her temple and over her heart, were controlling all her vital functions. He leaned his head down close to hers on the biobed and began to speak softly to her. "Well, will you look at what you've gotten yourself into this time? Leave it to you to make everything hard for yourself." He stopped for a minute not entirely sure what to say next other than he knew he needed to say something. "Look Kathryn, I know you can hear me. You have to fight this. _Voyager_ just hasn't been the same since all this happened. We need our heart and soul back with us. Try. Please."

His only reply was the faint but persistent beeping of the life support system. He prayed that somehow she had understood what he said and would realize that he was still there with her and for her. He sat for several more minutes, then he spoke to her again, "Kathryn, I need to go for a while, but I'll be back. You rest now." He touched her hand briefly and then rose and left sickbay.

* * *

It was very late when Tom arrived back at his quarters. The surgery alone had taken several hours before everything had gone haywire. As the doors swished open he could readily see B'Elanna asleep on the couch, a PADD lying on the floor beneath her hand where it draped over the edge of the cushions. Undoubtedly she'd been catching up on some work while she waited for him to finish in sickbay.

He reached to the floor and picked up the PADD placing it on the low table in front of the couch. Then he knelt down beside her and gently brushed the hair out of her face, "B'Elanna."

"Mmmmmm." She rolled slightly toward the back of the sofa. "Tom?" Opening her eyes she could see the weariness displayed in his features. "Looks like you've had a tough day. How's the captain?"

He looked at the floor, not wanting to answer her question. He knew as soon as he told her what had happened she would only feel worse for being partly responsible for the accident. But he also knew he couldn't keep it from her. The ship would be buzzing with the information in no time. Better that she hear it from him than to find out through the ship's grapevine. There was no better way to do this, so he just came right out with it, "There were some problems during surgery. She's in a coma and on life support."

B'Elanna stared blankly at him, "What? What are you saying?" She shook her head in an attempt to determine whether or not this was just another bad dream. Seconds later, as she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was real, her thoughts immediately wandered to the fact that none of this would have happened if she and Seven had been paying attention to their jobs instead of their difference of opinion. "Will she be alright?" she finally asked after a long pause.

He said simply, "I honestly don't know."

* * *

Chakotay stood staring out the viewport in his quarters trying to convince himself that today had been nothing more than a very bad dream but having no success. He found some small consolation in the fact that Kathryn Janeway was still alive, at least by the doctor's definition, and therefore there was hope, and right now he would cling to whatever positives he could find.

As he watched the star field streak by he found it impossible to stop the succession of images that played in his mind, beginning with the first time he ever laid eyes on _Voyager's_ captain to the last time he had spoken with her in sick bay. And they were images that more than anything else chronicled the milestones and transitions of their relationship through their years together. From the challenges of establishing both trust and boundaries in the first few months, through their tentative steps toward each other on New Earth which were abruptly reversed when _Voyager_ returned, to her decidedly erratic behavior of late – his thoughts left him with a heavy heart, one that somehow felt overly full and yet hollow at the same time.

The next chapter in their story had yet to be written, and he was certain that he did indeed want this to be nothing more than just one more chapter in a novel that was nowhere near completion. Regardless of the nature of their relationship in the future, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would prefer to live in a universe where Kathryn Janeway was a force to be reckoned with.

Eventually a sound registered in his mind that the door chime to his quarters was being activated. Turning to acknowledge it, he noticed that the chronometer on his desk displayed 0240 hours and he imagined the worst, "Come in," he said with more than a little apprehension. To his surprise and relief the door slid aside to reveal an uncharacteristically pensive looking Seven of Nine. His mind immediately jumped back to his conversation with B'Elanna earlier in the day and he wondered if Seven had been wrestling with her own feelings of guilt regarding the captain.

"Commander, may I speak with you?"

"Certainly Seven." He motioned for her to take a seat and took one again himself, "What's on your mind?" he asked her, knowing that it was entirely possible that Seven was not yet aware of the dramatic turn of events concerning their captain and as a result he would need to be extremely careful with this particular conversation.

Seven took a seat at the opposite end of the sofa, her posture erect, and in her usual forthright way, answered Chakotay's question. "Did the captain have the opportunity to inform you of exactly what transpired to precipitate her being caught in the cave-in?"

Chakotay was sympathetic. It must be very awkward for her to deal with her conflicting feelings, especially when she would normally discuss such things with the captain. "No Seven, she didn't. But B'Elanna came to see me and provided me with the details."

"So you are aware that it was our carelessness that led to captain's accident?"

"Seven, I am aware of the circumstances. B'Elanna feels very responsible for what happened, as apparently do you. But it won't help either of you for you to continue to punish yourself over this. It was an unfortunate accident. The captain would tell you the same thing if she were able." Chakotay suddenly realized that saying that probably wouldn't help her feel any better. And as if to prove is point, Seven's expression changed ever so slightly and he could swear there was a hint of moisture collecting in her eyes. "This has been difficult for all of us, and I believe especially so for you and B'Elanna."

"Commander, you should know that I feel… well… close to Captain Janeway. She has tried very hard, and with great patience and compassion, to introduce me to a new way of life and to teach me what it means to be an individual; I have not always made it easy for her."

Chakotay smiled at that. He was well aware of just how difficult dealing with Seven could sometimes be for Kathryn. Although he wasn't aware of all that had transpired between the two of them, she had often used him as a sounding board after a particularly difficult encounter with the former Borg. "I would say that's an understatement."

Seven continued without acknowledging the obvious sarcasm in his comment, "I owe her a debt of gratitude. This recent turn of events has added immeasurably to that debt and I am finding myself preoccupied with thoughts of the accident."

"Perfectly understandable. I'm sure that will lessen with time," he said, trying to reassure her. Wringing his hands together briefly, he made the decision to tell her the truth about the captain's current condition now rather than later. While it wouldn't make her feel any better, it might be better if the information came out in a private conversation between the two of them rather than in some other manner. Besides, he was certain that Tom had made B'Elanna aware of the situation by now and it was only fair that Seven know as well.

"Seven, I'm sorry I have to tell you this, but I think you should know. Captain Janeway's condition has taken a turn for the worse," he said, pausing briefly to gauge her reaction. When he saw no outward signs of a change in her demeanor, he continued, "There were complications during her surgery and she's in a coma. It's an unfortunate set-back, but we need to stay positive about this."

Seven stared at the commander willing herself not to react to his words. Borg or not, she felt them like a knife in her gut. Only once before had she felt anything like this, when the Borg drone known as "One" had given his life for the _Voyager_ crew. His death had been the most intensely emotional event of her life - until now.

Seven did not respond and appeared abnormally still, even for her. "Seven, are you alright? Seven?" Chakotay repeated her name once more before she finally acknowledged him.

"My apologies Commander. I was... distracted."

"No apologies are necessary."

Seven then rose rather abruptly. "I should see the doctor as soon as possible. There may be something I can do to assist him in treating the captain. There is a possibility that my nanoprobes could be adapted in some way, or even that some of the accumulated Borg knowledge I possess could be of use. I thank you for your time, but it is extremely late, and I should not continue to impose. If you will excuse me, I'll say good night." With that, Seven turned and began to make her way from his quarters with haste.

Knowing that she was in distress and trying to hide it, Chakotay rose quickly to follow and reached out to grasp her arm just before she moved within range of the sensor that would open the door to the corridor. "Seven wait. You have not imposed. And I chose to tell you this while you were here where we could talk about it in private. You just finished telling me that you have been preoccupied with everything that has happened - this must only have added to that burden. Sickbay can wait. For the time being at least, the captain is stable. Right now I'm concerned about you. I'm willing to continue this conversation if you are. Quite frankly I could use the company myself," he finished, accentuating his statement with a gentle smile.

Turning her head to look at him, she caught his smile and also found herself looking deeply into his eyes where she saw both compassion and profound sadness. The compassion was for her she knew, but the sadness she saw there seemed to be a reflection of the sadness in her own heart. She was momentarily surprised by her ability to read that emotion in him as well as to recognize it in herself; all part of the self awareness that Kathryn Janeway had worked so hard to instill in her. Nodding, she allowed him to guide her back to the sofa, his hand still resting on her elbow.

Several hours later, after Seven had left and Chakotay had finally drifted off into a troubled slumber, the silence in his quarters was broken by the doctor's voice. "Sickbay to Commander Chakotay."

Shaking off the cobwebs, Chakotay sat bolt upright in his bed and tapped the comm badge on the night stand and tried to keep the fear out of his voice as a result of a call from sickbay at what he assumed was the middle of the night. "Yes doctor, what is it?"

"I think I may have an idea of how we can help the captain. Can you come down to sickbay?"

"What time is it?" Chakotay said, a little annoyed now at being awakened until he heard the doctor's reply.

"0630"

"I'll be right there," he responded, now aware of the fact that if the doctor had not called, he would likely have overslept and been late to the bridge. Something he could little afford under the current circumstances. As he threw on his uniform and headed toward the nearest turbolift, he found himself becoming more and more anxious about what the doctor had said and more and more hopeful that he had indeed come up with something that would help Kathryn.

TBC


	23. Keeping Hope Alive

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 23: Keeping Hope Alive**

_Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff._

_Rating – K+_

The new day started very much as any normal day for the crew of _Voyager_. Alpha shift was just reporting to duty and the Senior Staff was gathering in the briefing room. It had been ten days since they had gathered in the same place upon their approach to the Vellnorian system; nine days since the captain had attended one of these briefings. The lighthearted banter and the laughter of that earlier time seemed far away now, the mood in the room even more solemn than the day before and there was little open conversation. Tom and B'Elanna, being privileged to have more information than the rest of them, were conspicuously silent, as was Seven of Nine. The others noticed, and though curious, chose not to inquire.

The crew in general had been buzzing since the previous afternoon with rumors about the captain's condition, and none of them were good. As a result, many of the senior staff were hoping that the commander would provide them with more definitive information this morning so they could put the rumors to rest.

"Good morning everyone," Chakotay said as he entered the room. He had intentionally timed his arrival so that he would be the last one to get there trying to avoid any possibility of informal conversation or pointed questions while waiting for the entire staff to gather.

He had spent a restless night in his quarters wrestling with what to say and when to say it. In the end, he determined it was best just to be honest and open about the whole situation as he had been with Seven. First he needed to get all the official business out of the way because he suspected that once he told them, I would be impossible to conduct any business until they had time to absorb and process the news.

The staff replied with subdued greetings as he took the captain's normal chair in front of the viewport. All of them were there except the doctor who was in sickbay with the captain. "It's my understanding that we have completed the mining effort on the planet."

"That is correct Commander," Tuvok replied. "We have one team still on the planet retrieving the rest of our equipment. I expect them to be back on board within the hour."

"Very good. B'Elanna, how's the situation in engineering?" He looked at her and noticed that she was looking at the top of the table, making small circles on it with her right index finger, and not paying attention to what he had asked. "B'Elanna!" he said, slightly louder this time.

"Oh, yes Commander, sorry, I must have been distracted. What was your question?"

He looked at her sympathetically but repeated the question in an all business tone, "What is our status in Engineering?"

"All set to move on whenever you give the order. As reported yesterday, we have the warp engines running at their maximum efficiency and we now have ample reserves. I'd say we're in excellent shape." Her words were optimistic, but the tone of her voice clearly indicated her thoughts were really on something else. She wondered when Chakotay was going to tell everyone about the latest turn of events.

"Tom, once Tuvok has confirmed the away team is back on board, take us out of orbit and set course for the Alpha Quadrant, warp six."

"Aye sir."

Chakotay continued, "Anyone else have anything to report? Seven?"

Astrometric scans indicate that we should be approaching the next star system in approximately two days at our normal speed. There are several inhabited planets, all indicating signs of warp capable societies."

"Seven, I'd like you and Tuvok to monitor as much as you can about this area we're about to enter. Let us know if you find any indications that we might have any problems with any of the alien races we might encounter. Since we've just replenished our supplies, I see no particular reason to stop unless we need to negotiate for safe passage through their space."

"As you wish Commander."

Chakotay turned to face the other side of the table. "Neelix, how's morale these days."

"Well Commander, it's actually improved since we have supplies again. The crew is still worried about the captain though. They're happy that she's safely back on board, but no one knows much about her condition other than what you told us yesterday."

Chakotay could hear Tom sigh as Neelix spoke, but he was comfortable had prepared for this conversation, both in his own mind and by seeing the doctor before the meeting.

"Well Neelix, you're right, I haven't given you too much information, but that's because at the time there wasn't much to give. As all of you know, Tom and the doctor performed more surgery on the captain yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately, it is my duty to report that there has been a significant setback in Captain Janeway's recovery. There were complications during surgery and the captain is now in a coma." Chakotay paused to gauge the reaction in the room just as he had the night before with Seven. The three in the room who already knew remained stoic. The rest of the group in the room looked shocked at the news.

Harry, knowing that his best friend had said nothing to him about this turn of events, was very disappointed. He turned toward Tom with anger in his eyes. "You've known about this since yesterday, you had to, you were there. I knew something was wrong. The whole ship has been talking. You didn't say anything to any of us? How could you?"

"Chakotay asked me not to Harry, I'm sorry," Tom replied somewhat defensively.

Chakotay held up his hands and raised his voice so as to retain some semblance of control. "People, let's not get carried away with this. I asked Tom to keep the situation to himself until I had a chance to decide on exactly when and how to tell all of you and the rest of the crew. I choose to believe that this is simply a temporary setback in the captain's recovery and I think it's important that we all try to keep our hopes up. I am going to rely on all of you to pass the word on to your staff in your own way as I don't think this is the type of thing that should be announced over a ship-wide comm channel. Some of the crew may have questions and it would be best if they have the opportunity to talk to any of you as they feel the need." The commander turned again so he could directly face Neelix. "Neelix, I think it might be a good idea if you stepped up the social activity schedule for a while. I think it might help to keep up morale; if nothing else it will be a good distraction."

His tone was somewhat restrained, but he responded to the commander's question quickly, "I'll get to work on it right away. Anything to help."

"I also want to let all of you know that I spoke to the doctor and he has given permission for any of you to visit the captain in sickbay. You should feel free to visit her at your own discretion."

"Is that a good idea Commander? I mean, she won't know we're there, will she?" said Harry.

"The doctor believes it is and so do I. I spoke with him this morning before speaking to all of you. According to him, some coma patients have been known to respond favorably to outside stimulation. Familiar voices, sounds, touch; all may have a positive effect on their recovery. Both the doctor and I feel it could be beneficial to her to have others around her as much as possible. But at this point we think it best to limit her visitors to the senior staff since she's more familiar with all of us. So for the foreseeable future, all of you should consider yourselves formally assigned to assist with the captain's recovery. Any time you can find outside of your normal responsibilities to work with the captain would be greatly appreciated. The doctor can provide you with some ideas of what to do."

Chakotay's words now had all of them deep in thought. He knew that they would handle the captain's situation better if they were able to participate in her treatment in some way. He hoped they would take advantage of it. His greatest wish was that their efforts wouldn't be in vain.

"Commander?"

"Yes Neelix."

"I just wanted to say thank you, for including us in this." Neelix looked quickly around the table at the rest of the group. "I know all of us have been extremely worried about Captain Janeway. At least now we can do something to help."

"You're very welcome Neelix. I won't lie to you, this is not going to be easy for any of us, but we're the captain's family out here and right now she needs us. If she has any chance at all it will be because all of us, including the captain herself, are willing to do whatever we can to give her a fighting chance. She's been taking care of all of us for a long time and now it's time for us to return the favor. I greatly appreciate all of your help and I know she will too. Okay people, if that's all…" He looked around the room at the faces of the staff to make sure no one else had anything to say and was pleased at the degree of open concern and acknowledgement he received in return. There was more than a little uncertainty as well, but he knew they would take up his challenge, maybe not all at once or in the same ways, but they would take it up nonetheless. "Tuvok, you have the bridge for the time being. I still have some things to discuss with the doctor. Dismissed."

As they all rose from their seats and made their way out of the room Chakotay noticed that Seven lagged a little behind the others, apparently deep in thought. He approached and called out to her, "Seven."

"Yes Commander," she replied.

"I wanted you to know that I was thinking about our talk last night and when I saw the doctor this morning, he and I agreed that we think it's important that you try to talk to the captain." Seven looked up somewhat startled at his remark. "While it will be difficult for you to see her in her present condition, I think you need to take the opportunity to make your peace with her. Whether she can respond or not, I believe she'll hear you, and I honestly believe that she will come out of this. I also think it will help for you to participate in her recovery as much as possible. I've told the same thing to Lieutenant Torres. The two of you need to work through your feelings of guilt and put them behind you. I truly believe that spending time with the captain, both now and when she comes out of the coma, will help you to do that."

Seven considered his words for a few moments. Unbeknownst to him, she had considered visiting the captain the day before but had been unable to convince herself to go through with it. Somehow she wasn't able to muster the courage. Part of the reason for her melancholy and her subsequent visit to his quarters the night before was her feelings as a result of that inability, and the news of the change in the captain's condition and only intensified it. Deep down she knew he was right. She needed to at least try. "Very well Commander, I'll consider what you have said."

"I have no doubt that you will."

* * *

Neelix entered sickbay with trepidation. His normally boisterous demeanor temporarily replaced by a nagging uncertainty. His concern for the captain was palpable and he had wanted to see her since he had first been informed of the away team's return. But now, he wasn't entirely sure how he would react to seeing her in her current condition. Frankly it scared him.

The doors swished shut behind him and barely missed hitting him as he had only taken one step into the room. He looked toward the surgical bay where he assumed the captain would be. The bed was turned at a slight angle with the foot of the bed more or less facing him where he stood. It was obvious that the bed was occupied, but the surgical support frame was raised, and the bed was oriented in such a way that he could not make out it's occupant from his present location although he knew very well who it was.

As he stood just inside the doors, the doctor emerged from his office and walked toward the surgical bay, not noticing the small Talaxian standing just inside the main door. The doctor continued to the biobed and began tapping the controls on the computer panel on the frame, probably adjusting the life support system. Neelix suddenly felt a lump rise in his throat, but he was determined to see her and help her in any way that he could, so he temporarily swallowed his fear and walked purposefully to stand next to the doctor.

"Oh, hello Mister Neelix, I didn't hear you come in."

"Hello Doctor. Commander Chakotay said it was alright for the captain to have visitors."

"Indeed it is. You may take a seat if you'd like," the doctor said as he motioned to a stool that was placed near the head of the bed. "I'll be finished here in a minute and you can have some privacy."

"Thank you Doctor." Neelix moved around the doctor and repositioned the stool to a more convenient spot at the side of the bed. Sitting down he asked, "How is she?" intentionally avoiding looking directly at the captain.

"She's holding her own, that's the best we can expect under the circumstances. I'll be in my office if you need me." The doctor completed his task and then returned to his office leaving Neelix alone with her. His eyes focused on the surgical support frame and he observed the pattern made by the lights of the various controls and displays located there. Slowly he summoned his courage and his eyes traveled from the frame down to the form lying on the bed covered in a standard issue sickbay blanket. He noticed her hand first. Lying across her stomach, and looking rather pale against the blue-gray of the blanket. Slowly his eyes traveled to her face. Her eyes were closed and her mouth held a fairly neutral expression. It revealed nothing as to whether or not she was thinking or feeling anything in her present condition.

As with the other members of her staff that had been with her through this so far, Neelix was having similar thoughts at seeing her. He got the impression that she looked peaceful; something that he could not ever remember seeing in her. The very nature of her job and their journey virtually assured that. He had a great respect, and even love, for the woman lying helpless before him, and he was keenly aware of how difficult it was for him to see her in this state.

He almost got up and left sickbay at that point. After all, she would never know he had been there, or so he told himself. But something held him fixed to his seat. There had to be a way that he could help her. The atmosphere on the ship simply wasn't the same without her. The concern and uncertainty felt by most of the crew at her absence was plain to see. The only other time things had been remotely similar was when they had been in the Void and the captain had secluded herself in her quarters. But even then, she was still available in the event of an emergency. She had simply chosen to hide herself away from them for a time. Well, all of them but Chakotay.

Gradually Neelix became adjusted to being with her and his thoughts traveled back to why he had come in the first place. He reached into his pocket and removed a PADD he had brought with him and, leaning one arm against the side of the biobed, he looked back at the captain and tried for all he was worth to prevent his nervousness from showing in his voice as he began to speak.

"It's so good to see you Captain. We've all been very worried about you. And since you're temporarily stuck in sickbay, I thought I'd come to see you. I hope that's alright?" It sounded a little strange even to him to be having a conversation with someone who couldn't respond, but he kept going anyway. "I brought something to read to you. Since you've been here for several days, you've missed out on my daily briefings to the crew. It never hurts to stay abreast of all of the latest happenings, and of course the latest gossip." He had lowered his voice and sounded almost conspiratorial as he said it, and the more he spoke, the more comfortable he became with the whole experience, and the more his voice sounded normal.

And so it was that over the next two hours, Neelix read several days worth of briefing transcripts to the captain until he noticed it was time to report back to the mess hall to prepare lunch for the crew. He found a good place to stop in his reading, so as not to leave any section unfinished, and then looked back toward her. Her expression was completely unchanged from when he had entered and he reminded himself that one visit wasn't likely to change much. Helping her out of the coma would take time and patience. But he knew she would eventually find her way back to consciousness. He had to believe that. They all did. "Well Captain, I think that's enough for today. It's time for me to get back to the mess hall or we'll have a mutiny on our hands. No rest for the weary you know. I'll be back to visit you again soon. In the mean time, take care of yourself." He reached out his hand and ever so lightly touched her wrist. He silently prayed she had somehow realized that he was here and that he cared.

* * *

Kathryn Janeway was in her own silent world. Images of her life occasionally appeared in her subconscious, her mother and sister back on earth, her early years in Starfleet, her relationship with her former fiancé, events from her life on _Voyager_, her staff and the crew. But most of the time she felt as though she was floating in a sea of blackness. Her senses were totally numb to any sensation. She had no idea where she was, what had happened to her, and it didn't seem to matter. She had a vague idea that this place was better than the place she had been before, she had some recollection of intense pain, both emotional and physical, and that she was somehow free from that in this dark, senseless place. But most of the time, she simply knew and felt nothing.

* * *

On the Bridge all was quiet, nothing but business as usual. With a full cargo bay, and the ship functioning at peak efficiency, they were hurtling through space toward their ultimate destination once again. For the time being there were no hostile aliens or dangerous anomalies to deal with.

Still unable to occupy the captain's chair, Chakotay sat in his normal seat and was again hoping for something out of the ordinary to occupy his and the crew's attention. Right now they could all use a diversion. The usual banter was conspicuously absent. Even Tom Paris was quiet, choosing to watch his console or the forward view screen rather than strike up a conversation.

A hail from Seven of Nine finally interrupted the quiet on the Bridge, "Astrometrics to the Bridge."

"Commander Chakotay here Seven, what is it?"

"Please report to Astrometrics." Simple and to the point, no explanation, just get down here.

"Well at least now I have something to do," thought Chakotay. "Tuvok, you have the Bridge. I'm going to see what Seven wants."

"Aye sir," said Tuvok as Chakotay walked past him to the turbolift.

* * *

Within a few minutes Chakotay arrived in Astrometrics, now curious as to what Seven wanted of him. As the doors quickly opened and closed behind him, he was struck by the display Seven had up on the main screen. He immediately noticed a thick yellow line on the screen and correctly assumed it to be their current flight path. The ship was indicated in its current position approximately one third of the way along the line. Directly in the ship's path lay an immense violet colored area with planets indicated by bright white blips. In several places within the violet area there were occasional flashes of white light surrounded by smaller areas colored orange.

As he walked toward the main console where Seven stood working he ordered, "Report."

Seven turned slightly to observe the Commander's approach over her left shoulder and then turned back to the view screen as Chakotay moved to stand next to her at the console. "Astrometric sensors have identified a large region directly in our path that is in the midst of what appears to be an intergalactic war. From the information I obtained I believe the conflict is between two alien races. The bright flashes are indicative of weapons fire. Sensors indicate them to be a combination of phaser and plasma discharges of high intensity. The orange areas that you see are concentrations of radiation and warp plasma, most likely the result of damaged or destroyed vessels. I can only assume that they are the result of battles being waged between the two races throughout the region."

Chakotay walked around the outside of the main console and climbed the steps to the upper platform directly in front of the view screen. He examined the display before him closely. "Is there any way to avoid this mess?"

"To completely avoid any possible contact would add between eight months and a year to our journey to the alpha quadrant," said Seven.

Chakotay turned toward her, "That's not an option I'm entirely happy with. While I'm not willing to put the ship and crew in any more danger than necessary, I'd rather not add that much time to our trip either. How soon before we're in range to effectively monitor their subspace communication?"

"Approximately three days."

"And how long before we reach the edge of their space if we stay on our current course?"

"At our present speed, two weeks."

Taking one last look at the view screen, Chakotay then descended the stairs to stand next to Seven again. "Keep monitoring the situation. I'll send Tuvok down here to work with you as soon as I return to the bridge. I'd like the two of you to see if you can plot a course through their territory that poses a minimum risk of running headlong into a battle situation. Also see if you can determine which areas and planets are controlled by which race. Maybe we can negotiate with one of them for safe passage. I'll instruct Harry to monitor their communications as soon as we get within range. That should also give us an idea of which race is more likely to negotiate. I want to explore all our options before we're forced to settle for the safe route."

"Understood Commander." Seven quickly went back to work while Chakotay headed out of Astrometrics for the bridge with even more on his mind than before.

* * *

On his trip back through the corridors and up the turbolift, Chakotay was struck by the fact that he found himself trying to imagine how Kathryn would handle this new challenge. It was something he had gotten used to doing. Second guessing what the captain would do in a given situation was a fairly common ability in a First Officer. It was something that became instinctive if the command team of a starship worked together long enough, and he and Kathryn Janeway had definitely had that opportunity. But both of them also knew he was more than capable of commanding _Voyager_ in his own right. So now he was battling with himself. Did he go with his instincts and make his own decisions, or did he try to maintain the captain's style of command hoping that she would be back on the bridge and in command soon.

As he entered the upper level of the bridge, he walked to his left to the tactical station instead of down to the command level, "Tuvok, I need you to report to Astrometrics to assist Seven with some preliminary reconnaissance on the region we are approaching. It seems we may be headed for hostile territory and we'll need all the data we can get to decide on a course. I've already given her my instructions, she'll discuss them with you when you get there."

"Very well Commander." Tuvok immediately finished what he was doing and headed for the turbolift. On his way he nodded to an ensign working at one of the consoles at the rear of the bridge and she smoothly moved to his station to take his place.

While the change at tactical was taking place, Chakotay had resumed his place on the command level and had raised the console between his and the captain's chairs to work on some data gathering of his own. He was somewhat concerned that his wish for a distraction had materialized in a possibly dangerous situation. He also knew that this newest challenge would require a great deal of attention on his part. Tactical planning would be extremely important if they were to come out of this unscathed. All of this would most likely seriously limit the amount of time he was able to spend trying to assist with the captain's recovery; something he deeply regretted at the thought alone. But Kathryn would be more than a little unhappy if she thought that he had put her personal welfare before that of the ship and crew. It wasn't easy, but he managed to put everything else out of his mind and concentrate on the business at hand, finding a safe route ahead.

* * *

It was late into the evening when a scan Seven had initiated earlier in the day was finally completed. Tuvok had left her a few hours before, at the end of his normal shift, with a promise to return the next day after he checked in on the bridge.

As the results of the scan appeared on the console in front of her, she saved them to a file for retrieval the following day, closed down non-essential operations in the lab, and headed for the cargo bay to initiate her normal regeneration cycle. On her way to the turbolift, her thoughts found their way back to her conversation with Commander Chakotay concerning the captain. And it bothered her. She had been preoccupied with the entire situation to the point where she could no longer keep it from her mind when she wasn't busy. Maybe the commander had been right. Maybe it was time to take his advice.

* * *

When Seven entered sickbay, the lights were dimmed as it was essentially the equivalent of night all over the ship. She quickly glanced in the direction of the doctor's office, but could not see him anywhere; he must either have deactivated himself for the night, or he was attending to a crewmember elsewhere on the ship. She was actually glad that he was nowhere to be found for the moment.

Walking purposefully to the surgical bay, she inadvertently looked toward the floor as she approached the biobed. When she came to a stop alongside the bed, her eyes followed a path very similar to the one Neelix had followed previously. She first looked toward the readouts on the canopy and then gradually turned to look at the captain, her eyes first making contact with the appliance the EMH had affixed over her heart, part of the life support system that forced her heart to beat and air into her lungs. Soon she was able to break the spell of the flickering lights against the pale background of the captain's skin, and moved her eyes to look upon the captain's face.

Her first thought was the eerie feeling that this was a significant role reversal in their relationship. Never before had Seven been in a position to see her captain as incapacitated as she had been since the accident. In their time together on _Voyager_, it had often been Captain Janeway that was coming to sickbay to visit Seven for one reason or another; her Borg implants or some unusual phenomenon generally at fault.

Seven stood for a long time, not knowing what to do, and then she came to a decision. The captain often expressed her concern for members of her staff and crew by touching them, on an arm, a hand, or a shoulder. It was her way of letting them know she cared. Seven had never intentionally touched anyone. It simply wasn't part of her nature as a Borg. But she knew that if there was any way for the captain to know she was there, it would more likely be through a touch and a word or two than by the words alone. So she moved farther to the head of the bed and cautiously placed her right hand lightly on Janeway's right shoulder. She felt incredibly awkward, but was also satisfied with her gesture of concern for a woman who had given so much to her. Seven took a breath and said softly, "Get well, Captain. You are missed."

Seven stood for a few more seconds and then gently removed her hand from the captain's shoulder and quietly walked out of sickbay, completely unaware that the doctor was now watching her from the window in his office, having returned through the rear entrance to sickbay after treating an injured crewman in engineering. He was pleased that she had finally made it to visit the captain, even if it was only a brief visit. It was an important step for both of them. He hoped that somehow the captain had been aware of Seven's presence.

TBC


	24. When All Else Fails

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 24: When All Else Fails**

_Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff._

_Rating – K+_

Chakotay was in his quarters, the lights were off and he was staring out the viewport; something he seemed to be doing a lot of lately. It had been one week. Seven days since Kathryn Janeway had lapsed into a coma. Seven days of the senior staff taking turns trying to communicate with her. Even Seven had spent time in sickbay, most of it spent in conversation with the doctor about possible ways in which the fact that she had been Borg might be used to help, but all to no avail. And so far there had been no change. The doctor had reported some fluctuations in her brain activity, but she was still on life support, and had shown no signs of coming around.

To make matters worse, they were rapidly approaching a potentially hostile area of space. At least they were still more than a week away from any possible encounters and there was still time to decide on a course of action. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shake the more than slightly distressing thought that if he made the choice he was leaning toward, he could indirectly risk the captain's life.

The work Seven and Tuvok had been doing had been productive. They'd found a possible way through the approaching region. Their reconnaissance had indicated a significant amount of non-combatant starship traffic through the region and the current plan was to blend in with the other ships in what appeared to be a commercial shipping lane. As far as they could tell, ships in this corridor had been left largely alone. Further data was required to be sure, and they had not yet investigated the possibility of communication with one or both of the alien races inhabiting the area, but if at all possible, Chakotay would take the ship through rather than around. Given their current information, it appeared to be a prudent risk.

And yet, with all the information to the contrary at their disposal, he was more than a little uneasy. In his experience, at least one party in a war would attempt to profit both strategically and financially by disrupting any and all commerce. Normal traffic would generally all but cease and smuggling would become the order of the day. So far their investigation had revealed no evidence of such a phenomenon, and that very fact was enough for his concern; it all just seemed far too easy.

The fundamental reason for his concern was the woman lying in a coma in sickbay. If they ran into trouble, and _Voyager's_ systems were compromised, even slightly, there could be dire consequences. Power failures in random parts of the ship were not uncommon during battle situations. While there were backup systems, and every effort was made to keep things running in critical areas of the ship such as engineering, the bridge and sickbay, there was no guarantee that those areas were completely without risk. And in this case, with the captain on life support, a power failure could spell disaster. His brain kept trying to tell him that he was probably overreacting, that the chances of just the right combination of events coming together at the right time to produce such an outcome were extremely remote, but his brain was fighting a losing battle with his heart.

To make matters worse, he felt more than a little guilty that he hadn't been holding up his end of the agreement he had made with senior staff to help the captain as much as possible. He had been unable to be there to see her as much as he would have liked over the last few days; there had simply been too much work to do.

When he had found the time to speak with the doctor earlier in the day, the content of the conversation was far less than he had hoped for. She was slowly, gradually, getting weaker. If this went on much longer, another and much more difficult decision might be called for. He moved closer to the viewport and leaned against one arm for support, his hand pressed against the structural frame, not able to shake that earlier conversation from his mind...

"If the captain doesn't come out of this soon we will be faced with a difficult decision," the doctor had said.

Chakotay hadn't really wanted an answer to his question, but he needed to know. "What decision is that Doctor?"

"We still have some time before we would need to deal with this alternative, but her condition is deteriorating. If she is unable to come off of life support fairly soon, we must decide whether or not to continue extraordinary measures to artificially sustain her life."

"Aren't there any other alternatives?" Chakotay had almost pleaded.

The doctor's expression was positively grim as he responded. Obviously he wasn't enjoying the conversation any more than the commander was. "The only other possibility would be to place her in stasis. That might buy us more time to come up with some other way to bring her out of this. Unfortunately there are no guarantees that would be successful either."

Chakotay had ended the conversation by saying that he needed some time to think about it and had retreated to his quarters.

Now, here he was mulling over the two problems on his hands, and in particular that of his captain and friend. He had meditated when he had first returned to his quarters and it had calmed him and cleared his mind somewhat, but his spirit guide hadn't provided any answers. His mind was still searching desperately to come up with something, anything that might bring her out of this without having to resort to one of the doctor's alternatives.

It was quite a dilemma. Remove the life support system completely and try to force her own system to take over, possibly only to watch her die, or place her in long term stasis, hoping that they would be able to come up with something in the future that would bring her back. Chakotay didn't like either choice.

The only conclusion that he had come to was that she wouldn't come out of this without some kind of external help, but nothing had worked so far. He was almost certain that she had not come out of the coma because her sub-conscious simply didn't want to. She was safe where she was, safe from the physical pain of the accident and safe from the emotional stress of the last five years. There simply had to be more they could do?

After what seemed like an eternity, he decided he needed a change of scenery. He wasn't accomplishing anything here except frustrating himself. Knowing that the corridors would be fairly empty at this time of night, he threw on a comfortable pair of slacks, a shirt and shoes and headed for the mess hall. Maybe a walk and a cup of tea would do him good.

His mind was still active all the way to his destination, but at least he was doing something other than just staring at the stars in his quarters. Before he knew it he was walking through the doors to the mess hall as they slid open at his approach. The lights in the dining room were dimmed at this time of night, although there was almost always a decent amount of light left on in the kitchen area. Tonight was no exception. And as a matter of fact, there was a good reason for the light this time. Chakotay could clearly hear someone rummaging around in the cabinets.

He walked up to the serving counter and looked over the edge. As he suspected, Neelix had his head inside one of the cabinets. He seemed to be putting pots and pans away from the dinner rush. Chakotay didn't want to startle him, but he thought it best to let Neelix know he was there. "Good evening Neelix. Finishing up a little late, aren't you?"

Neelix extricated his head from the cabinet and looked up to greet his company. "Oh hello Commander. As a matter of fact I am finishing up a little late. I was in sickbay visiting the captain and just got back a short time ago."

"It's been a while since I had the chance to get down there for a visit with her. Mind giving me your impression of how she's doing?"

"No change I'm afraid," he said solemnly. "So what brings you out so late?"

"Oh, I guess I just had too much on my mind. I couldn't sleep and I needed to get rid of some restless energy so I ended up here. How about a cup of herbal tea?"

"Coming right up." While he was busy pouring hot water for Chakotay's tea, Neelix motioned with his head to the far corner of the dining room. "Looks like you're not the only one who couldn't sleep."

Chakotay followed Neelix' gesture and turned to look into the main part of the room. Seated in the darkness by the viewport was Tuvok, looking deep in thought. Chakotay turned back to the counter in time for Neelix to place a steaming mug of tea in front of him. "Thank you Neelix. I think I'll see if Tuvok wants to talk."

"Good luck. And if there's anything else you want Commander, just let me know, I'll be happy to assist."

Chakotay nodded his acknowledgement as he took a sip of his tea and then walked over to the table where Tuvok was sitting. "Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all, please sit down. I couldn't help but overhear Mister Neelix. Apparently there is no change in the captain's condition this evening."

"So it seems," replied Chakotay. He sat down across from Tuvok and looked as though he was closely examining the mug he held in his hands. After a brief period of silence, Chakotay continued, "So what brings you out in the middle of the night?"

"Probably the same thing that is troubling you Commander."

"Preoccupied with the captain's situation as well are you?"

"Yes," he said simply.

Chakotay leaned forward with his arms resting in the table and his hands cradling his mug of tea. "You know Tuvok, I've been giving this a great deal of thought and I think the captain is locked in this coma because she subconsciously wants to be. I realize this was initially caused by a surgical complication, but the doctor has treated her for that and there is no physiological reason for her not to come out of this. She's been under incredible pressure since all of us first arrived in the Delta Quadrant and I believe the accident may have been reason enough to push her over the edge. You and I know that before all this happened she was struggling with a lot, and she'd been hiding her true feelings from us for some time, trying to work through everything on her own. Well we've been trying to reach her through conventional means for a week now and there has been little to no change in her condition. We need another option." Chakotay looked directly into the Vulcan's eyes as if to stress his point.

"I had thought of that possibility as well Commander. She may simply have reached the limits of her endurance as a result of the accident. Has the doctor offered any other possible alternatives to assist in her recovery?"

Chakotay summed up his earlier conversation with the doctor in as dispassionate a manner as he could manage. "No he hasn't. As a matter of fact he has just informed me that her condition is getting worse. If she doesn't come out of this soon, we may have to resort to withdrawing the life support system."

"In which case she will most likely die."

Leave it to a Vulcan to state the obvious. Somehow Tuvok's tone was difficult to take with regard to this particular subject, but Chakotay controlled his reaction in spite of the fact that he felt like grabbing the Vulcan by the front of his shirt and shaking some emotion into him. "That's it in a nutshell."

Both of them sat for a short time lost in thought until Tuvok spoke. He had spent the better part of the last week contemplating another possible course of action to help the captain. He didn't need any more time to think it over; he'd made up his mind shortly before the commander had entered the mess hall. To be honest, he had been close to making the suggestion several times as all other options were being slowly eliminated. The captain was a close friend. As close as any human could be to a Vulcan. She had risked her life for others, including him, on many occasions, both on _Voyager_ and when they had served together on previous assignments. She would not hesitate to give of herself for someone else and he could not now deny her any opportunity that might improve her condition. "If I may Commander, I would like to propose an alternative."

Tuvok now had Chakotay's complete and undivided attention, and he could only think of one thing the Vulcan would bring to the equation that had not already been tried. "And that would be?"

"As I feel we have exhausted all other means to reach the captain, I would like to offer to perform a mind meld."

Chakotay was cautiously optimistic. "Could it work?"

"It is not without risk, but yes Commander, I believe it could. At the very least it would determine the true nature of the captain's condition and provide valuable information for the doctor to continue to treat her."

Chakotay wasted no time, "Then what do you say to a late-night visit to sickbay? We need to discuss this with the doctor."

Tuvok rose from his chair with an expression that Chakotay would call determined in anyone other than a Vulcan. "After you Commander."

Chakotay rose as well and led the two of them toward the door. "Thanks for the tea Neelix. Would you take care of our mugs for us, we have an appointment with the doctor?"

Neelix popped his head up to look over the counter. "Sure Commander, be happy to."

Tuvok and Chakotay then made their way out of the mess hall and off to their unscheduled appointment.

* * *

Upon entering sickbay, Chakotay headed swiftly to the office, only hesitating a moment to glance toward the surgical bay where the captain lay, Tuvok following at a somewhat more dignified pace. "Computer, activate EMH," he ordered. The doctor had turned himself off, but the computer still monitored the captain's condition constantly and would activate him at the first sign of any change. As the doctor materialized in front of him, Chakotay spoke quickly. "Doctor, Tuvok and I think we have an idea that may help the captain. What would you think about a mind meld?" 

The doctor looked at Chakotay with an expression of mild contempt for his abrupt manner, "Well good evening to you too Commander. You've obviously come to this idea rather suddenly."

"As a matter of fact we have. Tuvok just presented it to me a few minutes ago and I think it's a good one."

The doctor knew how important this was to the commander, and probably to everyone else on _Voyager_. It could work. But he felt he needed to point out the possible problems as well. "Commander I know you probably believe this to be the only option left to us but I'm not sure it would be entirely safe. While I am sure the risk to Tuvok would be minimal, there are potential hazards to the captain. As you are well aware, she is extremely weak. Even if Tuvok is successful there is a risk that her system may not be able to handle the shock if her return to consciousness proves too abrupt."

"Commander, I must inform you that the doctor is correct. There may be a significant risk to the captain."

Chakotay moved to the office window for a few seconds and looked out toward the surgical bay. When he turned back to the other two men his expression spoke volumes. In a soft voice he stated simply, "Okay, so this could be dangerous, but what choice to we have? By your own admission she's running out of time." The doctor just looked at Chakotay for several long seconds and his silence was understood by all of them as reluctant acceptance. Then Chakotay looked at Tuvok. "It's your idea, it's your decision, are you still willing to try?"

"Yes Commander, I am."

"Then it appears the decision has been made," said the doctor. "I will need to prepare. I believe 0900 tomorrow morning will give me adequate time."

"I will also need the time Commander," said Tuvok. "It would be best if I were to spend the rest of the night in meditation. I am not sure that the captain's consciousness will be easy to reach, and a meld of this type is most likely to require a level of endurance I must be adequately prepare for."

"Thank you. Both of you. I'm sure this will work. It has to." The last part was said under his breath and Chakotay looked momentarily at the floor as he tried in vain to suppress the mixture of excitement and desperation in his voice. Slowly he lifted his eyes back to meet those of the doctor and Tuvok. "Until 0900 then gentlemen, dismissed."

The doctor immediately sat down behind his desk and activated his computer console while Tuvok exited Sickbay to return to his quarters. Chakotay took the opportunity to walk to the surgical bay and sit with the captain, something he hadn't been able to do much of lately. He moved the ever-present stool to a more convenient position next to the biobed and sat for several minutes in silent prayer to his ancestors and Kathryn's animal guide to watch over her and give her strength.

When he finally opened his eyes he reached over the side of the bed and took her exposed hand in both of his and then rested his gaze on her face. "Well Kathryn, this time you've really done it. Gone on sabbatical and left me to make all the tough decisions without you. That's not exactly fair you know. You could save us all a lot of trouble if you'd just wake up right now. I know you needed a rest, but this is ridiculous."

He sat in silence again for a few moments trying to will her eyes to open, but there was no change. "Listen, you should know that all of us are very worried about you. This little nap of yours has gone on far too long and is creating some real problems for your recovery. Tomorrow morning Tuvok is going to try a mind meld to reach you as it seems the rest of us have failed. Please give him a chance. I know you're tired and hurt and you have a million reasons to give up. But you're not a quitter. You've faced difficult times before and always found a way through. Find your way through again. Don't give up on us and don't give up on yourself."

He had to stop for a time as he was finding himself on the verge of tears. This could be it. This could be the last time he would ever speak to her, and he was finding that realization very difficult to handle. When he had finally regained some of his self-control he spoke to her one final time. "Kathryn, you get some rest. Tomorrow will be a big day for all of us. I'll see you in the morning." And as he had done so many days before, he placed one hand on the top of her head and kissed her gently on the forehead. Then he set her hand back down on the bed and headed back toward his quarters for what he knew without a doubt would be yet another sleepless night.

* * *

What none of them were aware of, not even Chakotay, was that the efforts of the staff had not been in vain. She was no longer deep in that dark, emotionless place. Her mind was now fairly active most of the time. Simply by speaking to her and occasionally making brief physical contact with an arm a hand or a shoulder, they had succeeded in stimulating her brain into a higher level of activity. And yet, even though her mind was active, it had still not chosen to take control of her body enough that her heart and lungs would function on their own. And she had created a place that was familiar to her and where she felt safe, where she could hide from the real world. Tuvok would still have his work cut out for him. 

TBC


	25. A New Day

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 25: A New Day**

_Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff._

_Rating – K+_

The morning had arrived far too quickly for Chakotay. He had returned to his quarters, but had slept very little in anticipation of the events of the day to come. He had taken some time to send a simple message to all the members of the senior staff about what was to happen in the morning and had assigned Harry and B'Elanna to report to the bridge so that at least two senior officers would be on duty there until the business with the captain was resolved one way or another. Neither of them had been happy with his choice, but they understood their duty. Both Tuvok and Tom would more than likely be indisposed for a while, Tuvok needing recovery time from the meld and, with luck, Tom's skills would be needed in sickbay to assist the doctor. He had also informed Neelix and Seven of what was to happen and had given them the choice of reporting to normal duty stations or joining them in sickbay.

It was 0800 already and the shift change throughout the ship would have taken place an hour before. Chakotay was fairly certain that the ship was buzzing by now with the news of what they were about to attempt. Many of the senior staff would have reported to the mess hall for breakfast and would probably have spoken to some of the members of the crew they met there that morning.

As he slowly showered and dressed in a fresh uniform his mind was constantly occupied by thoughts of his friend down in sickbay who now faced one of the greatest challenges of her life. He would be there to help her through it. He hoped she would give him the chance.

* * *

A young Kathryn Janeway was in her private retreat, seated behind a stack of hay bales in the back of the loft in her parents' barn. She often came here when she needed time away from things, from people. She could think here where it was quiet and no one would bother her. She sat curled up under a slightly worn but still cozy quilt she kept here, her dog sleeping peacefully with its head on her lap. The light from the old-fashioned oil lamp flickered slightly as the wind passing through the chinks in the rough board siding made the lamp rock on the nail where it was hung. 

She couldn't remember how long she had been here, or even why she had come this time. Some time ago she had become slightly curious why her mother or sister had not come to find her, but they knew she sometimes retreated here, so they knew where to look if she was needed for anything. And she had a nagging feeling that she was needed somewhere, for something, but she couldn't for the life of her remember why. Oh well, if someone wanted her, they'd come find her. In the mean time she'd just sit here, relax, maybe read one of the several books she kept here, and enjoy the peace and quiet.

* * *

It was time, 0900 hours on the dot. Tuvok and Chakotay had arrived in Sickbay only moments before from their respective quarters. Tom was already there with the doctor. Apparently his services has been needed in preparation for what was about to happen. Within minutes Seven and Neelix also arrived and stood near the doctor's office, talking quietly, and waiting for something to happen. 

"Computer, dim the lights in Sickbay to 20 illumination," said the doctor. "Commander Tuvok, we're ready whenever you are."

Tom stepped a respectful distance away from the biobed so as to give Tuvok room to work. The doctor took a position at the surgical frame and the life support controls should he be needed. Chakotay took his now customary position on the stool at the side of the bed. Whatever the outcome of this, he would be at her side as he had been for the past five years.

No one spoke. They all knew the seriousness of what was about to take place. Even Neelix was uncharacteristically quiet. There was an almost reverent atmosphere in the room, and if shear force of will had been enough to bring the captain back to consciousness, she would surely jump off the biobed any second now; such was the intensity of the people gathered in the room with her.

* * *

Tuvok moved to stand at the head of the captain's bed and slowly and carefully placed the fingers of each hand to the appropriate spots on either side of her face. Then he closed his eyes and began his journey into her mind. "My mind to your mind, your thoughts to my thoughts…" 

She was still sitting in her sanctuary when she thought she heard the main door to the barn slide open and shut along its tracks. The sound was shortly followed by a gust of wind that moved the lamp around a little more than normal. She looked up from her reading expecting to see her mother or sister appear on the ladder to the loft. Instead she saw a Vulcan in a Starfleet uniform.

She wasn't startled, just surprised that it wasn't a member of her family that had come here, but it certainly wasn't unusual for Starfleet personnel to be around from time to time. After all, her father was an Admiral. She noticed that he stopped when his head was high enough to look around, apparently looking for something. She also noticed that he looked vaguely familiar, but she couldn't quite place him. Maybe she should talk to him. "Something I can do for you?" she asked.

His head turned to look in her direction and he saw her sitting in the far corner. "Captain?"

Now this was strange, he seemed to recognize her as well, but why would he call her Captain? Maybe he had said Kathryn and she simply hadn't heard him right. She looked at him curiously. "I'm sorry, I believe you may have me confused with someone? If you tell me who you're looking for I might be able to help you find them."

Tuvok wasn't exactly sure where to go from here. Reaching her subconscious had taken time, but had actually been easier than he thought it would be. Although finding her in this state was somewhat disturbing. She had obviously retreated within herself to a time in her life when she had felt safe, and loved, and wasn't responsible for much of anything other than herself. If he had to guess he would say around the age of twelve. Somehow he'd have to find a way to break through the walls she had created within her own mind to hide from herself and her unpleasant memories. I'm looking for Kathryn Janeway, do you know where I might find her?"

"I'm Kathryn Janeway."

Tuvok knew he would have to be creative. What could he say to her to get her talking to him, but in a way that she wouldn't become suspicious of his motives? He didn't want to scare her into retreating even farther within herself. Luckily for him, he had known Kathryn Janeway for a long time, long before she was made the captain of _Voyager_. And he knew a great deal about her history prior to that; that knowledge was about to prove useful.

Tuvok thought quickly and managed to come up with what he thought was a plausible story for his presence. "Your father told me I might find you here. My name is Tuvok. I'm a security officer with Starfleet Command in San Francisco. I am in command of a detail that has been assigned to work with your father for a while. He thought that I should meet you."

"It's nice to meet you Mister Tuvok, but you said you were with security, is my father in some danger?"

"Perceptive as always," thought Tuvok. He reminded himself that he was not actually speaking to a child but to a manifestation of the adult Kathryn Janeway's subconscious. He considered his answer for a moment and then responded, "Just a precaution Miss Janeway. He's working on some sensitive research and Starfleet wants to be as careful as possible."

"I understand. We've had company like this from Starfleet before. I guess it's all part of his job."

Tuvok was satisfied. He had managed to establish a basic rapport with her. She was talking to him. And oddly enough she was now staring at him.

"Commander, do I know you from somewhere?"

He wasn't immediately sure how to respond to this, but he felt the door to her conscious mind was opening just a crack, maybe he could push it open farther. "Yes, you do."

"And you said your name was Tuvok?"

He could see her struggling with the thought, her expression one of mild confusion. She placed her hand to her forehead as if she were suffering from a severe headache. For a moment, everything around them began to swirl and change colors and shapes and Tuvok became extremely disoriented. Then suddenly their surroundings changed and they were in the ready room of her first ship, both of them in uniform, and facing each other.

"I wish to take the opportunity to thank you Mister Tuvok. I don't believe I have ever been quite so soundly thrashed in front of a review board before."

Tuvok immediately recognized the circumstances her mind had recreated. This was a scene directly out of their mutual past. He had been assigned to work with her when she was given her second mission as a captain. Apparently she was remembering a meeting they had several weeks after her first formal admirals' review.

Tuvok had been an Ensign then, and worked as a tactical officer evaluating newly assigned captains. At her first formal review, he had been called in to testify to what he believed to be a less than ideal performance on her part during her first mission. Thinking quickly, he considered that time in their history. "Captain Janeway, I am sorry if you took offense at my remarks. However, it was my job to provide a fair assessment of your qualifications to the admiralty. I am sure you clearly understand the importance of thoroughly screening all potential starship commanders. My comments were in no way meant as a personal attack. They were simply intended to be an objective evaluation of your performance."

She drew herself up to her full height in front of him and glared at him with incredible intensity. It was the same look that would eventually be known to her crew as her 'death glare'. The fact that such a physically small person could appear so imposing was still surprising to him; it was one of the things that had impressed him so many years ago and only one of the traits that made her a good captain. "Mister Tuvok, I can appreciate that you were only doing your job, but did you have to do it quite so… logically?"

Her frustration was evident in her voice, but there was a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Over the last few weeks she had come to accept that she wasn't really upset with him so much as the fact that he had been right in his criticism. Her inexperience had been at the root of his criticism and her bruised ego had gotten in the way of her objectivity. Tuvok had done his job, and well, and as much as she hated to admit it, she would be proud to work with him, although she sincerely doubted that he would feel the same about her.

Even though Tuvok had lived through this experience in real life, he played along for the moment and acted as puzzled by her comment and abrupt change in expression as he had been then. "Captain?"

"It's alright Tuvok, it was a joke. But since we're stuck with each other for a while, let me ask you something?"

"Certainly."

"What do you really think? Do I have a chance in hell of being successful at this? Of making it as a starship captain?"

It was ironic that she had jumped in her mind to this specific conversation from so long ago. He had almost forgotten that she'd asked him that. Carefully considering his response, Tuvok took the opportunity to open the door even farther. "You are an extraordinary captain and it has been an honor to serve with you."

Again she tilted her head and raised one eyebrow, puzzled by his response. "Tuvok, pardon me for being a little confused, but did you just say it HAS been an honor? You have only been under my command since you stepped on this ship twenty minutes ago, and this is our first meeting in weeks…" she paused trying to collect her thoughts, shaking her head. "Not only that, but you're wearing commanders' pips, you're an ensign, how can you…"

She looked deeply into his eyes, then swayed forward slightly as if she were about to faint. Tuvok extended his arms to her and she placed both of her hands on his forearms in an attempt to steady herself. Suddenly she closed her eyes and dropped her head slightly as the scene around them began to change again. This time, instead of a simple change of scene, Tuvok's mind was flooded by a series of images in rapid succession. It was as if her experiences since becoming a captain, and being placed in command of _Voyager_, were flashing before him at an incredible rate. Some were memories of experiences that he had been part of, but most were things that were unfamiliar to him. And he could distinctly feel the range of her emotions through all of these experiences. She went from the height of elation when she was given command of _Voyager_ to the depths of despair during many of their experiences in the Delta Quadrant. Particularly haunting for her were the memories of lost crewmembers. He could feel the intensity of her pain and loneliness and it helped him to understand why she had retreated so far within herself.

Suddenly the rapid replay of her life came to an abrupt halt and he found they were in a darkened tunnel and he was certain she was now remembering the cave in. Her uniform was torn, and covered with dust and blood, and her injuries were now as visible to Tuvok as they must have been to the away team on the planet. She was leaning heavily against him, clutching his arms, and clearly in agonizing pain. Slowly she began to sag as her legs gave way beneath her and both of them found themselves on the ground, Tuvok holding his captain and friend in his arms.

And in that moment, he realized that this was how she really felt in life, the accident and her physical injuries actually serving to outwardly illustrate what she had been feeling emotionally for a long time; battered, broken, and paralyzed.

"Captain, can you hear me?"

"God Tuvok… make it stop… it hurts so much." She was clutching at his uniform jacket with her eyes tightly shut and tears slowly falling down her cheeks, her breathing ragged.

He was astounded to feel the intensity of her agony within his mind. "Only you can make it stop Captain. You must find a way to overcome this."

"I can't… I've tried for so long… I can't do it anymore!"

"Yes you can. You have faced challenges and overcome them many times before and you will do so now. I have never seen you fail. But you must draw on the strength and affection of those around you. There are many who are willing to assist you in any way they can. Accept their help, it is the only way."

They stayed like that for some time, her eyes firmly shut and her grip so tight on his jacket that her knuckles turned white. But slowly, ever so slowly, she began to quiet down and her breathing became easier. Releasing her grip on his jacket somewhat, she opened her eyes and looked up at him with her tear stained face. "Tuvok?"

"Yes Captain."

She turned her head slightly and examined her surroundings. "Where am I, what is this place?"

"This is the dominion of your subconscious Captain."

"What do you mean?"

"You were injured in an accident. Do you remember?"

"I think so. I was in a cavern with B'Elanna and Seven. There was a cave in."

"That is correct. What else do you remember?"

She thought quietly for a few seconds and then she began to shiver and Tuvok thought he recognized a momentary flash of fear in her eyes, something highly unusual for this woman. "Yes, I remember." Closing her eyes and burying her head back against his chest she continued weakly, "I remember it all."

"I know it is unpleasant for you Captain, but you must work through this and put it behind you. Your emotional and physical pain has overwhelmed you and your conscious mind has chosen to take refuge here."

"But how Tuvok?…I'm so tired of fighting…of the pain…of being afraid I'll fail them…fail you and Chakotay…how can I hope to find my way back?"

"You may leave here whenever you wish. You simply need to choose to. I am here to help you find your way. The others are waiting. Are you willing to try?"

There was silence for several long moments, then in a shaky voice she replied, "Alright Tuvok, I'll try. Can you help me up? I think I may need a hand."

"With pleasure Captain."

As Tuvok helped her to her feet, she was still leaning heavily on him for support, but he knew she would be alright with time. She had made her decision, and when Kathryn Janeway made a decision, subconsciously or otherwise, there was no turning back.

TBC


	26. Returning to the Real World

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 26: Returning to the Real World**

_Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff._

_Rating – K+_

The captain's entire body suddenly convulsed on the bed; she arched her back, her legs and arms stiffened, and her neck craned backward. Simultaneously she took a huge raspy gulp of air, and her eyes shot open. Tuvok had broken his contact and stepped back from her at her abrupt movement. She looked at him for a split second, as if in recognition, then closed her eyes again and settled heavily back on the bed trembling.

Everyone in the room held their breath, concerned that the captain's reaction was a bad sign. The doctor moved quickly to her side and began punching buttons on the console. "Mister Paris," he said as he motioned for Tom to assist him. Both of them began to work furiously at the console until all became quiet again.

The doctor then picked up a hypospray, placed it gently to the captain's neck and turned to Chakotay who had not once left his position at her side during the four hours since Tuvok had begun the meld. The doctor quickly answered the burning question in Chakotay's eyes. "I've disconnected the life support system completely. She's breathing on her own." The rest of the group assembled in sickbay breathed a collective sigh of relief. Tuvok had apparently done the impossible.

As the doctor lowered the surgical frame and removed the appliance over the captain's heart, Chakotay slid his hand over the edge of the bed to rest on her forearm. Her skin felt warm to his touch and she was perspiring. She was also shaking. It wasn't much, almost like shivering from a slight chill, but it alarmed him nonetheless. "Doctor, is she alright?" he said so softly it was almost a whisper.

The doctor simply nodded in response, and then said, "She's regaining consciousness. You may speak to her if you like."

Everyone in the room heard the doctor's comment and slowly approached the surgical bay as if drawn by an invisible force. They still maintained a respectful distance, but they were now close enough to see the captain clearly and hear whatever might be said.

Tom had been standing nearby in case the doctor needed him. Now his trained eye noticed the same things Chakotay had when he placed his hand on the captain's arm. Tom could see her slight trembling movement and the perspiration appearing on her exposed face, shoulders and arms. He quickly moved to the doctor's side. "Doctor, is there something else I can do to help?"

"Yes there is Mister Paris. The captain is experiencing a mild case of shock. The hypospray I gave her should take effect shortly but in the mean time would you care to make her more comfortable while I complete what I'm doing here? I need to finish these scans to make sure that the convulsion she just had hasn't aggravated her condition."

"You bet," Tom said, immediately going to work. They needed to keep her warm, and make her as comfortable as possible, and wait for the symptoms to subside. He grabbed another blanket from a tray near the bed, unfolded it, and began positioning it over her. Chakotay realized what Tom was doing and relinquished his hold on her arm in order to assist by picking up one end and pulling the fabric across the captain so that it covered her completely to the shoulders. Then they tucked the edges around her. When they were finished, Tom quickly retrieved a cloth to wipe away the perspiration accumulating on her face and neck.

As he moved it slowly across her forehead, she stirred ever so slightly at the touch and moaned softly. Her movement startled him for a second, but he continued his ministrations moving the cloth gently over the rest of her face and neck. Then he backed away and left her again with Tuvok and Chakotay.

Tuvok had recovered his composure and had moved back to the head of the bed. He looked at Chakotay who was now standing after assisting Tom with the blanket. "Commander, we must speak later, but I believe the captain will recover completely in time."

"Thank you Tuvok. Are you alright?"

"I am unharmed. As the doctor said, she is no longer in the coma. Speak to her."

Chakotay resumed his position on the stool by the side of the bed. He placed one of his hands over hers where they were crossed over her stomach under the blanket. Not caring who heard him use her name he leaned over near her ear and softly said, "Kathryn?"

Even though she could feel herself trembling, she was warm now, and fairly comfortable, but so very tired. All she wanted to do was sleep. But someone was calling her name. She thought it best to find out what they wanted. Maybe then they would leave her alone so she could rest. She rolled her head in the direction of the voice, "Hmmm."

All of them could see the captain slowly coming back to life. Her breathing had changed, and she had actually responded directly to Chakotay's mention of her name. She hadn't opened her eyes or spoken yet, but given that she hadn't responded to anything at all in such a long time, this was nothing short of a miracle.

Chakotay tried again. "Kathryn, wake up."

This time the voice registered in her mind as familiar. Chakotay was the one calling her. She swallowed hard, her mouth incredibly dry and her tongue feeling as if it was about ten times its normal size, "Cha… ko… tay?"

The smile that broke across Chakotay's face at her mention of his name couldn't have been any broader if he tried. "Yes, it's me. Can you hear me okay?"

Now she decided to try her next trick, opening her eyes. They felt glued shut, but she made the effort anyway. She slowly forced them open and looked for his face. Everything was extremely blurry at first, but eventually her vision cleared and she could see him leaning over her, a huge smile gracing his features. She strained to look slightly above her as she caught a glimpse of someone else standing near the head of the bed. It was Tuvok. Then she began to look around. The light in the room was dimmed, but she could also make out other people standing in the background. Tom and the doctor were on the other side of the bed from Chakotay, but a few feet back. From what she could see toward her feet and beyond a large freestanding console toward the office, she thought she could see Neelix and Seven.

While she recognized everyone, her thoughts were confused. She remembered the accident and some things about her subsequent stay in sickbay, but why were they all here staring at her, and looking like she'd just risen from the dead. She blinked her eyes heavily and then looked back to focus on Chakotay knowing that he'd tell her what was going on. "Chakotay, what…"

He instinctively knew what she would want to know. "Shhhhh, just take it easy, you need to save your strength. Do you remember what happened, the accident?"

She nodded in confirmation.

"You've been in a coma. There were complications during your last surgery. You've had us all really worried. We almost lost you."

His words were almost too much for her tired mind to process, but when she had finally made sense of what he had said, she realized that certainly explained why she felt so lousy, and it also explained why everyone was looking at her so strangely. She looked around again at the people around her and she could see he was right. It was written all over their faces. She had never seen or experienced such an open expression of love and concern from anyone outside of her own family. Neelix even had tears in his eyes.

She smiled a weak smile, acknowledging all of them in turn, as Chakotay continued, "Tuvok performed a mind meld to try to communicate with you and bring you back to us. Looks as though it worked."

She could remember bits and pieces of a conversation with him, but it was still just beyond her grasp, like waking up from a dream and knowing you've had one, but not really being able to remember the details. She spoke slowly and with great effort, her voice cracking as she did so. "I suppose I should thank you old friend?"

"It was my pleasure Captain. We will talk more when you have regained your strength. Now you need rest."

As if in response to Tuvok, the doctor decided he had let the reunion continue long enough. The captain was still in serious condition and would now need some time to recover from the shock of her abrupt return to consciousness, not too mention her original injuries. "Alright, the party's over. I have to insist that you all go about your normal duties and let Mister Paris and I take care of the captain."

Chakotay broke his attention away from her long enough to emphasize the doctor's order, "Okay people, you heard the doctor, back to work. Feel free to pass the good word around to the rest of the crew, especially the team on the bridge."

Gradually everyone began to exit sickbay, offering a thoughtful gesture or word of encouragement as they left. Chakotay now found he had the captain's undivided attention as Tom and the doctor were several meters away, discussing her condition. He looked down at her and noticed that she had closed her eyes again but he knew she was still awake. He had never removed his hand from atop hers and he could feel her still trembling slightly under his touch.

"Tired?" he asked her.

"You have no idea," was her quiet response as she rolled her head toward him slightly and opened her eyes to look at him.

"I can imagine. I can also imagine that you have a lot of questions, and I'll be happy to talk to you about everything, but not now. You really do need to rest." He took the opportunity to look closely at her. She was dreadfully pale, with the notable exception of the dark, sunken look of her eyes, and she was terribly thin. Her forced immobility and lack of a normal diet had caused her to lose a good deal of weight. Moreover, she truly did look exhausted, her blue eyes dull with fatigue, and he thought, something else, but he couldn't quite put a finger on what it was.

Noticing his scrutiny she inquired, "That bad?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "I have to admit, you've looked better." Then his expression changed and he looked thoughtfully at her. "I wasn't kidding you know, you gave us quite a scare."

"Apparently." She paused briefly, swallowed, and then continued in a soft but raspy voice, "I'm sorry I gave you reason to worry."

Chakotay replied with just a hint of sternness to his voice. "It's ok. Just don't let it happen again, understood?"

She gave him another weak but sincere smile. "I'll see what I can do."

Their conversation was briefly interrupted as Tom and the doctor took the short walk back to the biobed. "Captain, it appears that you are actually doing fairly well considering everything you've been through. We have a few things we need to discuss, but we can do that later, right now I want you to get some sleep." He pressed another hypospray to her neck before she had any opportunity to protest. "This is only a mild sedative as I suspect you are tired enough to sleep on your own. So rest now and we'll talk later." Anticipating Chakotay's next question, the doctor said, "Commander, you may stay until the captain falls asleep if you like."

Then the EMH did something that surprised all of them. He came closer to the head of the bed opposite of Chakotay, placed his left hand on the captain's left shoulder, and looked deeply into her eyes. "Captain, I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am that you have come out of the coma. I have personally missed you." The sincerity in his eyes was intense. She had never seen that look before from him and it served to remind her that he had ceased to be just a hologram a long time ago.

She slowly drew her right hand out from under the blankets and Chakotay's grasp to place it atop his for a brief moment until he broke contact and moved away toward his office.

Tom then took the opportunity to speak to the captain as the doctor moved away. "Captain, it's great to have you back."

"Thanks Tom," she said as she tried to hold back a small yawn.

Tom smiled at her then looked up and acknowledged Chakotay with a nod before he also moved. away, organized a few instruments on the tray near the bed, and exited sickbay altogether.

"Mind if I keep you company?" Chakotay asked; a little embarrassed that he felt the need to stay with her while she was still awake. It just felt so good to have his friend back and he didn't want to miss any opportunity to speak to her, or simply just to be with her.

Ironically, she was feeling much the same way, taking great comfort from the fact that he was here with her. Earlier, when he had rested his hand on hers through the blanket, she had felt safe for the first time in a long time. "No, I don't mind. I'd like you to stay."

"You don't have to entertain me you know, when you feel like going to sleep, just do it, okay?"

"I don't think I could stop it if I tried. My eyelids feel like lead." She smiled and closed her eyes as if in confirmation.

Within minutes Chakotay could see she was almost asleep. He reached over and picked up her exposed hand in his own and held it firmly. She returned his grip with equal force. "Kathryn, everything's going to be okay you know."

"I hope so Commander. I truly hope so." Momentarily opening her eyes again, she held his hand and his gaze for as long as she could, willing him to understand her depth of feeling for his gift of friendship. As she finally fell asleep, she somehow knew he did.

TBC


	27. What a Difference a Day Makes

**The Meaning of Family – Chapter 27: What a Difference a Day Makes**

_Summary – An away mission goes horribly wrong and provides an opportunity for reflection and restoration for the senior staff._

_Rating – K+_

Neelix, Tom, Tuvok and Seven had exited sickbay and made their way back through the corridors to their posts. Everyone who came in contact with them could tell that something had happened just by the looks on their faces, and of course they took every opportunity to tell everyone why they looked that way.

In only a few minutes of returning to their posts on the bridge, Chakotay appeared and ordered, "Senior staff to the briefing room in fifteen minutes."

"Aye sir," was the collective reply.

Working quickly, all of them went about gathering the most updated information on the ship's status in order to be prepared for whatever requests the commander might make. Many of them found it much easier to focus on the task at hand now that they weren't preoccupied with the captain's condition. When they all filed into the briefing room at the appointed time, PADDs in hand, they were ready for whatever their First Officer and acting captain could throw at them; and they didn't have long to wait.

Chakotay had timed his entrance so he would be the last one to enter the room. When he did, he strode purposefully to the head of the table and took the captain's customary seat in front of the viewport. He felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. His friend was back. They still had a long way to go before she would resume her rightful place in command of _Voyager_ and it's crew, and the stray thought that there were still no guarantees that she ever would crossed his mind. Nevertheless, she was alive and out of the coma. Right now, that was enough, and besides, there were other things to occupy his attention.

"I'm sure you're all wondering about the captain, she is doing well and is getting some much needed rest. I'm sure the doctor will keep us informed of any changes in her condition." Looking closely at those around the table he continued, "And I want to personally express my gratitude to each and every one of you for the care and concern that you have shown to the captain through this difficult time." He hesitated only long enough to catch his breath. "Now, we have work to do. As most of you know, Seven, Harry and Tuvok have been collecting data on the sector we are approaching. That information identifies that the sector is in the throws of a brutal war between two races. For the last few days, Harry has been intercepting communications and providing me with tactical intelligence concerning these aliens. As we are still several days from their border, we have time to make the decision to go through their territory or go around. We have faced this dilemma many times before. In preparation of making a decision I have also had Tuvok and Seven exploring a possible route through their space. So, let's go over what we have and discuss our options."

For the next hour, Tuvok, Seven and Harry reported on the information they had gathered. They were dealing with a race called the Ensai and another called the Lystran. They were both warp capable and had considerable weapons capabilities. While neither appeared superior to _Voyager_, they were comparable. And the fact that there were so many of them was a significant concern. _Voyager_ could take on one or two without too much difficulty, but more could pose a significant threat. The one advantage they seemed to have was speed. They had seen no indication that any of their ships could exceed warp seven. That meant there was a chance, with careful planning, that they could simply outrun them through the sector.

But it was still a risk and they all knew it, and the big question still remained, would it be worth it. They had gathered more information over the last few days and estimated the difference in travel time to be approximately nine months, slightly more than one month to run straight through, and almost eleven to go around.

"Alright people. I want more specifics. B'Elanna, I want detailed reports on our current mechanical status. Everything that would effect ship's performance, particularly accounting for possible multiple attacks with limited repair time. Tom, I want you and Tuvok to finalize any issues with navigation. I want several alternative routes considering their patrol movements and battle tactics. Work with Seven and take advantage of Astrometrics. Harry, you already know the routine, keep monitoring their communications and report any useful information you can gather. I'd also like you to work with Neelix and get an extensive report on our supply situation." Harry nodded and Chakotay continued. "I plan on making a final decision in three days. Whatever information we have gathered at that time will have to be enough. Any questions?"

Everyone knew their job and was anxious to do it. None more so than Tom Paris. After so long being on sickbay duty, he was thrilled to be back at his first love.

Hearing no response to his inquiry, Chakotay ended the meeting. "Tuvok, please join me in the ready room. Tom, you have the bridge. Dismissed."

* * *

After leaving the briefing room, Chakotay and Tuvok headed directly to the captain's ready room. The door opened as the two of them approached and they quickly entered and took seats at the desk, Chakotay in the captain's chair, and Tuvok across from him. 

At first Chakotay was quiet, looking at his hands where they lay crossed in his lap. After a few moments he looked up at Tuvok and began to speak. "First of all Tuvok, how are you feeling after your experience?"

"I am fine Commander. It was somewhat tiring, but not so much so that I need to be relieved of duty. I assume that is your concern."

Chakotay smiled slightly at the Vulcan's directness, "As a matter of fact Tuvok, it is. Thank you for confirming that you're fine."

"May I also assume that you would like to discuss the details of my mind meld with the captain."

"Perceptive as always Commander." Chakotay's slight smile became a smirk momentarily, but he managed to contain the urge to laugh. "Yes, I would very much like to discuss your meld with the captain. But I also realize how personal an experience this was for both of you. I would never presume to ask you to reveal anything that you would feel uncomfortable telling me. I respect your privacy."

"I thank you for your consideration. However, I feel safe in saying that there is nothing I experienced during my meld with the captain that could be considered sensitive enough to warrant my censoring it from our discussion. And, as you already know, the captain's recovery is a matter of extreme importance to me. Therefore, I will do everything in my power to assist in that effort, and in this case, that requires that I disclose as much information to you as possible." Tuvok paused briefly and then continued in a slightly softer tone. "I also believe this to be of utmost importance to you as well. I am not unaware of the intensity of your professional and personal concern for one another."

"Well that was certainly a mouthful," thought Chakotay. If the truth were known, he actually found Tuvok's thinly veiled concern for the captain touching. "In that case, what do you have to tell me?"

"As I am sure you are well aware, the captain is a terribly proud and extremely private person. By her very nature, she is unlikely to discuss problems that she believes to be personal in nature. She also subconsciously believes that seeking assistance with such matters is a weakness, even though intellectually she knows otherwise. Consequently she internalizes almost everything until she feels she has the time, the privacy, and the emotional energy to deal with an issue. In some extreme cases, she buries her negative feelings in the hopes that by doing so, she won't have to deal with them at all; that over time, they will simply disappear altogether. As we both suspected, she had been doing this for so long without any meaningful relief, that the circumstances of the accident made it impossible for her carefully constructed mental walls to hold back the flood of emotion any longer. I truly believe that if it hadn't been this incident, it would not have been long before something else happened to push her to the breaking point. The incident with the _Equinox_ apparently came very close."

Tuvok paused in his analysis, probably to make sure that Chakotay had properly digested all that he had said so far, but to this point, Tuvok had only confirmed things that Chakotay was already aware of or suspected to be true. To indicate to Tuvok the he was ready for him to continue he said simply, "Go on."

"When I first entered the captain's mind, I was surprised that there were few mental barriers to prevent access to her subconscious. Making initial contact with her was easier than I anticipated. However, when I did make contact, she appeared to me in the form of a young child. I could only assume that she had regressed to a point in her life where she was unencumbered by the responsibilities and stresses of her adult life."

"How were you able to communicate with her?" asked Chakotay.

"I simply found a non-threatening way to initiate a conversation with her. As the conversation progressed, she very quickly realized that she knew me and her subconscious forced her to jump to a time in her past when we had first worked together."

Chakotay shifted forward slightly in his chair, "So in recognizing you, she moved forward in time?"

"Yes. Her mind recreated an incident from our mutual past. She was replaying it word for word until I was able to alter the conversation slightly. The confusion caused her to jump forward again, but this time she experienced a continuous stream of memories that culminated in her collapsing in what appeared to be one of the caverns on the planet where she was injured. She had also recreated her original injuries in her mind." Tuvok paused for a moment as if forcing his logical Vulcan mind to maintain its composure. "I must tell you Commander, I have never imagined or felt such intense physical pain. Vulcan's are trained from childhood to be able to control such sensations and emotions. I sincerely doubt any human could have managed it better than she has so far. Unfortunately, her original injuries, coupled with her already weakened emotional state, and the complications she experienced during surgery, were too much for her. Her mind and body simply shut down. I do not believe a person of lesser fortitude would have survived the experience."

Chakotay was amazed. For Tuvok to speak of what the captain had experienced with such intensity, and with almost a hint of emotion in his voice, it must have been much more difficult for her than any of them had imagined.

"I should also tell you Commander that some of the memories she experienced were very recent. I distinctly remember brief images of yourself, the doctor, Mister Paris, Mister Neelix and Seven of Nine that occurred after the accident, some of them when she was in fact in the coma."

Chakotay was extremely pleased with this revelation. "Then our efforts were not wasted, she was able to recognize that we were there and trying to help her, even though she was unconscious."

The Vulcan looked genuinely pleased to provide this portion of the report. "Yes. And I believe those efforts may have been what made it easier for me to reach her. The senior staff should be commended."

Chakotay considered all that Tuvok had related thus far. One gnawing question remained. "Tuvok, I realize that her physical injuries should heal with time, but what about her emotional state?"

"I experienced several distressing memories from things that have happened while on _Voyager_ that I will find the opportunity to discuss with her in the future, several surreal images of Captain Ransom among them. It's almost as if something like this was necessary to release the pressure she was subconsciously allowing to build within her, a relief valve of sorts. As she will require time to recover physically, it should also give her the time to recover emotionally. However, I believe we need to assist her in finding better ways to acknowledge and relieve her stress. After all, she is still a stubborn woman, and not likely to change years of mental conditioning that easily."

Chakotay could not hide his expression of amusement at the Vulcan's comment. He was also glad the tone of the conversation was beginning to lighten. Tuvok's insight was encouraging. "You know her quite well Tuvok. Do you have any specific suggestions on what I can do to help her."

"Simply encourage her to talk to you. We must endeavor to prevent her from losing the opportunity to make a full recovery." Tuvok hesitated for a moment looking deeply into the commander's eyes until he was sure that the full intent of his words had not been lost on him. Chakotay's answering scrutiny assured him the point was made and he continued. "I will do the same. Early in our journey she would confide in me quite regularly. Over time that has steadily decreased to the point where it has become a rare occurrence. As you said, I know Captain Janeway quite well. I blame myself for allowing that withdrawal to take place without realizing it was happening, recognizing the likely reasons behind it, and doing something to reverse it. That knowledge alone will serve to keep me more vigilant in the future. As to your question, the only other thing I can recommend is that you continue to be her friend. That is something that, as a Vulcan, I cannot offer her in the same manner that you can."

Chakotay's expression softened. "That will be easy Tuvok. I think we've both come alarmingly close to losing someone very important to us. I would prefer not to have that experience ever again."

"Indeed." Tuvok allowed his endorsement of Chakotay's statement hang in the air for a short time, silently placing further emphasis on it.

"Thank you Tuvok. I hate to think where we would be right now if the meld had not been successful."

"There was never an alternative Commander. I was confident it would succeed."

"Well said." Chakotay stood and offered his hand to Tuvok who stood as well and grasped the commander's hand in response. "Dismissed."

Tuvok released his grip and exited to the bridge as Chakotay settled back in the chair behind the desk and activated the computer console. He had a lot of work to do.

* * *

It was now several hours past the end of alpha shift and Chakotay was still in the ready room. He finally looked at the chronometer and was surprised by how late it was. He was also surprised that he had heard nothing from sickbay since the captain had come out of the coma early in the day. While he knew that the doctor would contact him if there had been a problem, his curiosity got the best of him. He activated the comm channel on the computer console and hailed the doctor. "Chakotay to sickbay." 

Within seconds the doctor appeared on the view screen. "Sickbay here Commander. What can I do for you?"

"I was curious as to the captain's condition. I assume there hasn't been any change since this morning."

"I am happy to report that the captain is resting comfortably. She has been sleeping since you saw her this morning."

"When do you expect her to wake up?"

"It's hard to say, although I doubt it would be anytime soon; possibly not before tomorrow morning."

"Thank you Doctor, in that case I will call it a night and check on her in the morning."

"I'll expect to see you then, good night Commander. Sickbay out."

Chakotay closed down the computer console and leaned back in the captain's chair. He felt stiff from spending so many hours in the same position but for the first time in recent memory he wasn't preoccupied with dread for the captain and her fate. It felt good.

Eventually he left the ready room and crossed the Bridge on his way to the turbolift. Along the way he was greeted by the well-wishes of the crew on beta shift. Most of them expressed their delight at the improvement in the captain's condition and asked him to relay their greetings to her at his earliest opportunity. The whole mood of the ship had turned around in only a few hours. As he made his way through the corridors to his quarters, he knew that he would finally get a decent night's sleep.

TBC


End file.
